If Folau’s commination is correct, then I must confess to seeing a few positives about eternal damnation. Lord knows I will be reunited with many friends. And call it heaven if you must, but I would be utterly terrified of spending eternity in a place populated by Puritans and reformed pissheads who forever harangue me about enjoying myself. I would much rather throw my lot in with the sodomites — at least they know how to put on a good bash.
Like many, my first reaction to Folau’s post was pretty much “meh”. I would give him the same amount of time that I do to those other happy-clappers who knock on my door uninvited i.e. good day and goodbye. In other words, he is best ignored. But the morals police, also known as Rugby Australia, have served him a breach notice which, if accepted, would terminate his $4 million contract without compensation. But Folau will not be going quietly, having asked yesterday for the matter to be referred to a code of conduct tribunal. To quote Shakespeare: “Officers, what offence have these men (or man) done?”
“Israel Folau has to go, and will go,” thundered Sydney Morning Herald columnist Peter FitzSimons last week. “At least until such times as he repents.” This outburst of Fitz-flatulence against Folau began in 2017 when the latter tweeted he would be voting no in the upcoming same-sex marriage plebiscite. It prompted a condescending FitzSimons to lecture him in a series of pompous open letters, which became even more sanctimonious when Folau last year made similar remarks about gays being destined for hell. “I do say you are embarrassing yourself,” postulated the middle-aged man with the giant red hanky on his melon.
The oft-touted rationale that athletes are “role models” and thus should be held to a higher standard is not a sound argument. If anything, we should be teaching children that sports stars are as fallible as the rest of us. Their unrealistic elevation leads to an unhealthy mass schadenfreude when inevitably they fail to live up to the standard. Few of us will forget that disconcerting scene of a blubbering Tiger Woods in 2010 confessing his sin of adultery to the world and asking forgiveness. I am sure I was not the only bemused viewer thinking “Why are you apologising to me?”
In order to avoid an ugly repeat of the Folau episode, perhaps RA could produce its sponsor-approved version of an acceptable Christian theology that players could follow. To assist them in that regard, I have revised the Ten Commandments.
1. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
Still stands, provided your chosen deity is the god of political correctness, identity politics or of some obscure pagan (am I still allowed to use that adjective?) belief. As for Jehovah, Jesus or Yahweh, forget it. If it is celestial inspiration you seek, you can still literally look to the heavens. Qantas CEO and RA sponsor Alan Joyce is your source for moral rectitude now.
2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.
On that note, didn’t all those woke types delight in seeing Notre-Dame burn this week, After all, this reinvented Tower of Babel was merely a legacy to dead white males, and what a spectacular comeuppance it was to the Catholic Church and other colonists. Which brings me to the fatuous rantings of University of Sydney academic and Boycott, Divestments and Sanctions activist Nick Riemer.
“The reaction to the #NotreDameFire shows how deep the cultural attachment to Christianity still is in the West, despite everything,” tweeted Riemer, who is bitterly opposed to his university’s collaboration with the Ramsay Centre and its funding of a degree to study Western Civilisation. “Hard to imagine similar emotion if a pre-Christian monument had been affected. Relevant to understanding Western attitudes to Muslim immigration.”
What does expressing grief at the irreparable damage to such a historic and beautiful structure have to do with our attitudes to Muslim immigration? As George Orwell wrote: “Some ideas are so stupid that only intellectuals believe them.” It looks like the linguistics lecturer was so obsessed with iconoclastic non sequiturs that he failed to remember the universal horror which followed the Taliban’s barbarous destruction of the ancient Buddhas of Bamiyan monuments in 2001.
3. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.
This commandment remains, although the pronouns must be amended to reflect inclusiveness. And to be clear, the prohibition against blasphemy does not just apply with respect to the Lord, but criticism of any luvvie luminary e.g. Gosford billboard bore and Senate candidate Father Rod Bower, former president of the Australian Human Rights Commission Gillian Triggs, and the truly insufferable Bono.
4. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labour and do all thy work.
Based on the usefulness and productivity of the various football codes’ ever-growing diversity and inclusion units, this should be modified to “Six days shalt thou lounge about and only one day do work, that being compiling sanctimonious platitudes and drafting pointless policy.”
5. Honour thy father and thy mother.
Extremely offensive. Change to “Honour thy Parent ‘A’ and Parent ‘B’”.
6. Thou shalt not kill.
Still strictly a no-no, although symbolic depictions of executing conservative leaders is fine.
7. Thou shalt not commit adultery.
The prohibition remains, but our interpretation of it must change in accordance with shifting values. Recently I read of the rise of “self-marriages”, in which the subject invites others to watch one make a lifelong commitment to oneself to the exclusion of all others. Apparently this ceremony is known as “sologamy”, which sounds like a euphemism for narcissistic indulgence. If you intend going solo for life, why do you need the affirmation of others? It seems self-defeating. But the good thing is for the growing number of these self-obsessed gits is they can fornicate all they like without breaching this commandment. After all, it is impossible to commit adultery against yourself.
8. Thou shalt not steal.
This remains, although see number 10 for exceptions.
9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.
Imagine I have a neighbour by the name of “Rachel”, who is 195cm tall, bearded, and built like a Canadian lumberjack. She also has a pair of testicles and identifies as a woman. If I were asked on oath to describe Rachel, I would be committing perjury if I used the masculine pronoun to do so. This commandment has real censorship potential. It could be expanded to prohibit any questioning of the increasing immutable truths that progressives hold dear e.g. climate change is man-made, all asylum-seekers are genuine refugees, Islam is a religion of peace etc.
10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s.
This is outdated. If my neighbour (not the bearded lady) has a bigger and more expensive house than I have, or has an income far higher than what I receive, or has material wealth that exceeds mine, then that is just plain wrong. It is not that my limitations or laziness has held me back; rather it can only be that my neighbour enjoys a better lifestyle through unfair means. We live in a zero-sum economy, which means that any gain in wealth for one must result in a corresponding loss to another. To paraphrase Labor Opposition leader Bill Shorten and Sally McManus of the Australian Council of Trade Unions, it is time my neighbour and the top end of town pay their fair share. Covet others’ assets to your heart’s content.
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Or rather than sporting governing bodies tying themselves in knots over what players can say publicly about their religious beliefs, they may just have to accommodate them, provided these utterances are not inciting any crime. In any event it should be spectators and not sponsors who will have the final say. Folau has been intolerant and narrow-minded, yet his determination to be himself is far preferable to the celebrities of today and their incessant, shallow and insincere declarations of virtue. To quote a final line from Much Ado About Nothing: “Let me be that I am and seek not to alter me.”
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If it were possible for Shakespeare to write about Wallabies player Israel Folau and his latest social media hullabaloo, then surely it would have to be titled Much Ado About Nothing II. According to a message he posted on Instagram last week, drunks, homosexuals, adulterers, liars, fornicators, thieves, atheists and idolaters can expect to go to hell unless they repent. In other words, around 99.5 per cent of the population.