According to Anthony Albanese, he heads a government so rich in talent we should feel “blessed”.
“I think that we could produce, say, a second or third cabinet that would be stronger than the shadow cabinet”, he boasted on Sunday.
He could be half-right. I suspect unbeknown to Albanese, the Labor caucus has since the inception of this government secretly been conducting an experiment along these lines, beginning with those least competent. If so, it is truly a case of a prime minister being first among equals.
That we are blessed is something we shallow and ignorant types have trouble recognising, but fortunately Albanese was happy to educate us. Things are going swimmingly well, you see. His government, he insisted, is “the most experienced incoming Labor government in history”. It is also “very stable” and “good”. So stable and good he has had to reassign many of his ministers after just two years in the job.
Former Indigenous Australians minister Linda Burney’s move to the backbench is a plus for Albanese. He does not wish to remind the public of his farcical attempt to entrench a race-based activist group in the constitution. Her departure furthers his fictional narrative that he did not forego his political capital in the referendum result, the corollary being that she alone bears responsibility for that divisive debacle. Onya, Linda.
Not all ministers will be reassigned. NDIS minister Bill Shorten still has the portfolio from hell, a position he must loathe nearly as much as he does his leader. He has good reason to. Consider Albanese’s response when asked why he taken so long to abolish the self-indulgent republic portfolio.
“The portfolio was appointed first under the previous Labor leader,” he said, true to form. “It’s something that I inherited.” This is the same Albanese who said just days before the 2022 election that Australians “deserved a prime minister who accepts responsibility – who doesn’t always look for someone to blame”.
Australians also deserve a prime minister who is honest and upfront. Just like Albanese promised when he launched his election campaign in 2022, saying he would “always tell it straight” if he got the top job.
We know how that turned out. Asked why he was reassigning the hapless Andrew Giles, Albanese’s prevaricating verged on imbecile as he tried to defend his factional ally and former immigration minister.
“Because there’s a reshuffle,” he said. “What you do when there’s a reshuffle is that there is a change that then has a knock-on effect.”
There were “issues” in immigration, Albanese conceded, but they “go back to when the former government was in office”. Here we go again. The previous government, particularly the doings of Opposition Leader Peter Dutton, had created a “mess” for Giles and former Home Affairs minister Clare O’Neil, he insisted.
Let’s unpack that. If we follow Albanese’s reasoning, it must be Dutton’s fault that O’Neil and Giles failed to prepare for an adverse decision by the High Court in the case of NZYQ. It was Dutton’s fault that Home Affairs subsequently released 150 immigration detainees, including murderers, drug traffickers, and sex offenders, without supervision on O’Neil and Giles’s watch. It was Dutton’s fault that Giles issued Direction 99, which required decision-makers and appeal tribunals to consider an individual’s community ties when considering revocation of a convicted criminal’s visa, thus resulting in pedophiles and other sex offenders avoiding deportation.
It must also be Dutton’s fault that a delegate of Giles authorised this year the removal of an ankle bracelet from a former detainee who then allegedly a month later viciously bashed an elderly Perth grandmother and her husband during a home invasion. It was Dutton’s fault the Albanese government, despite having had the legislative wherewithal since December, had not as of May lodged a single preventive detention application targeting those released following the NZYQ decision.
Replacing O’Neil and Giles is Tony Burke, a minister with prior experience in immigration. Like Energy Minister Chris Bowen, he held that portfolio when Labor was last in government. As the opposition pointed out, 83 unauthorised boats arrived during the 80 days he occupied that office. It is a sensitive topic for him.
“Their first attempt to have a go at me on policy is to provide just the most horrific misrepresentation you can imagine,” he told ABC’s Patricia Karvelas this week.
Burke was an active immigration minister all right during the second Rudd government, but you have to wonder whose interests he was advocating. When incoming prime minister Tony Abbott announced a Coalition government would proceed with turning back people smugglers and their vessels, no-one was more outraged than Burke, saying it amounted to “unilateral action”. If anything, he was offended on Indonesia’s behalf.
“Those issues have been made patently clear that they consider them breaches of their sovereignty,” he said tartly. That said, it has been 11 years since he made those remarks, and hopefully Burke now understands his priority is the sovereignty of the Australian border, not that of Indonesia.
As for those charming Middle Eastern men who marched on the Sydney Opera House last year to celebrate Hamas’s massacre of Israelis, Albanese is on to you. He has announced Peter Khalil will be his Special Envoy for Social Cohesion.
Now you might think that special envoy is a grandiose title for a pointless position, but that is not the case. As Albanese explained, what he has done is to “put in place people who can give thought to things,” which sounds remarkably visionary. And if there is one thing Albanese desperately needs, it is someone to think for him.
If anything, the Prime Minister should consider creating more positions to advise him. I would suggest he begin with a special envoy for coherent sentences. Next, a special envoy for growing a prime ministerial backbone. That would be followed by a special envoy for dumbing down complex briefs.
A special envoy for encouraging Albanese to take responsibility is a must-have. So too is a special envoy for reminding the Prime Minister that he is no longer the opposition leader. And we need a special envoy for inclusion to point out to Albanese that he is supposed to represent all Australians, not just Indigenous activists and leaders of militant unions.
But above all Albanese needs someone to explain a concept that he has been unable to grasp. It will be an exceedingly difficult job, and I wish that person the best. Any suggestions as to who will be the Prime Minister’s special envoy for truth-telling?
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