SA energy saviour Musk is Amber Heard’s new squeeze

The Tesla boss is unlikely to solve Adelaide’s energy security crisis.

Tesla boss Elon Musk wants to power South Australia. Guardian Australia, March 10:

Elon Musk, the billionaire co-founder of electric car giant Tesla, has thrown down a challenge to the South Australian and federal governments, saying he can solve the state’s energy woes within 100 days — or he’ll deliver the 100MW battery storage system for free.

South Australian Premier Jay Weatherill wants Musk’s battery. The Australianwebsite, yesterday:

Jay Weatherill’s bold and expensive plan for South Australia to “go it alone” also includes the construction of the country’s largest battery connected to the grid to store wind and solar energy when demand is high.

Malcolm Turnbull loves Musk, too. The PM on Twitter, Sunday:

Thanks @elonmusk for a great in-depth discussion today about energy storage and its role in delivering affordable & reliable electricity.

But Musk is all talk. The New Yorker, January 10:

He created a car company from the ground up, building luxury electric cars with a devoted following. He jumped into solar energy and battery development on a big scale, vows to colonise Mars, and has said that we are probably living in a computer-simulated world. But, while his grand gestures inspire awe and curiosity, they often fall short in the execution. Since 2011, Tesla has failed to meet Musk’s product-launch, production, and financial-performance promises more than 20 times …

And the battery is rubbish. The Australian’s editorial, yesterday:

The contribution of Tesla batteries seems likely to be modest at best … a 100 MWh battery system could have supplied South Australia’s entire demand for 3.6 minutes before requiring a recharge … Not much good during a heatwave with no wind and the interconnector to Victoria down.

And it turns out Musk’s new girlfriend and her dogs are very well known to Australia … London’s The Sun, January 19:

Amber Heard has reportedly told pals she is “smitten” with tech tycoon Elon Musk, who is worth an eye-watering £10.2 billion … Amber finalised her own split from Hollywood actor Johnny Depp, 53, on Saturday. The Pirates of the Caribbean star is paying her £5.6 million, and she has also been given custody of her pet pooches Pistol and Boo.

That Pistol and Boo? Barnaby Joyce in Canberra, May 13, 2015:

It’s time Pistol and Boo buggered off back to the United States.

Musk’s girlfriend was found guilty and her dogs were declared a threat. ABC News online, April 17 last year:

Heard was given a one-month good behaviour bond with no conviction after she illegally brought her dogs, Boo and Pistol, to the Gold Coast on a private jet last year.

Amber, Pistol and Boo hate our country. NBC News, June 22, 2015:

We’re going to avoid the land Down Under from now on.

But Amber’s back with a new beau sporting a big battery. Sky News’s Samantha Maiden on Twitter, Monday:

When is right time to tell @Barnaby_Joyce (that the) man offering to fix SA power grid is a known associate of Pistol and Boo?

Amber’s big battery is clearly a weapon. Return of the Jedi, October 27, 1983:

Witness the firepower of this fully armed and operational (big battery) …