Libs’ glib lines just can’t stop the tick, tick, tock of Newspoll danger

Here’s the line of the week from Liberal Party HQ. Malcolm Turnbull in Canberra, yesterday:

Bill Shorten can duck and weave as much as he likes: Australians don’t trust him with their money.

You won’t miss it. Scott Morrison on ABC RN Breakfast, yesterday:

People don’t trust Bill Shorten … and with good reason. He’s not to be trusted when it comes to people’s money.

But they don’t trust those two either. The Prime Minister, continued:

Reporter: Twenty-nine Newspolls (lost), it’s not good news. How are you feeling?

Turnbull: Why are you smiling then if it is not good news? … I know why; because you are so happy about all of the jobs we have created.

You’ll hear that line from cabinet ministers a lot, too. The Treasurer on RN Breakfast, continued:

Here are the numbers Australians sweat on more than Newspoll: the deficit has been halved, unemployment has fallen …

But they can’t hide from Newspoll. Turnbull speaking in Canberra, September 15, 2015:

The one thing that is clear about our current situation is the trajectory. We have lost 30 Newspolls in a row. It is clear that the people have made up their mind about Mr Abbott’s leadership.

He may not get dumped but the 30 Newspolls may kill Turnbull’s authority anyway. The Prime Minister, continued yesterday:

… you are not distracted by polls … We’re seeking to reduce business taxes to allow Australian businesses to invest and compete and create even more great jobs that will make you smile even more.

At least Turnbull’s poll spanking will be metaphorical only. The US’s 60 Minutes, yesterday:

Stormy Daniels: And I was like, “Someone should take that magazine and spank you with it.”

Anderson Cooper: … You told Donald Trump to turn around and take off his pants.

Daniels: Yes.

Cooper: And did he?

Daniels: Yes. So he turned around and pulled his pants down a little, you know, had underwear on and stuff, and I just gave him a couple swats.

And Kevin Rudd spanks the Australian Test cricket team over the ball-tampering scandal. The former prime minister on Twitter, yesterday:

What on earth has happened to the culture of Australian cricket that could have made this sort of cheating behaviour even thinkable. It’s disgusting. And deeply damaging.

You know what else is unthinkable? The Killing Season looks into the cabinet leaks that derailed Labor’s 2010 campaign, June 23, 2014:

Sarah Ferguson: Did you give Laurie Oakes that account?

Kevin Rudd: It’s entirely possible …

South Africa’s test captain Faf du Plessis also talks Australia’s darkest hour in Cape Town, yesterday:

Ball shining versus ball tampering, they’re two very different situations … One is definitely much more serious than the other.

The cheek of the man. A report from AAP, November 16, 2016:

Nine’s Wide World of Sport cameras showed du Plessis — with a round, white lolly on his tongue — licking his finger before rubbing the Kookaburra … (he also) was fined by the ICC for rubbing the ball on a trouser zipper during a 2013 Test against Pakistan.