Illicit romance in Dan Andrews’s paternalistic state

Victorian values. Shannon Deery, Herald Sun, Wednesday:

Thousands of Victorian couples were shocked this morning when they were suddenly banned from visiting their romantic partners who they did not live with … Premier Daniel Andrews said this morning couples who did not live together should not be socialising, a warning which quickly came to be known informally as the “bonk ban” … Victorians are banned from leaving home for any non-­essential reason … Mr Andrews said visiting partners was not an essential reason. “That’s not work, that’s not care-giving, that’s not medical care, that’s not shopping for the things you need when you need them …”

Coveting thy neighbours ­department. Brigid Delaney, Guardian Australia, Wednesday:

Parents with their children, home haircuts and no affairs: the virus has forced us to live in a weirdly moralistic way … Adulterous affairs the world over have suddenly stopped. All the cover is gone, and suddenly you can’t pretend you’re meeting your colleagues for an after-work drink while you’re actually shagging your bit on the side. Even if you could have an ­affair, there’s nowhere to have it. The hotels have turned into quarantine stations and illicit couples concerned about being busted via contact-­tracing (which happened to Gwyneth Paltrow’s character in the 2011 movie Contagion) have put their affairs on ice.

The Conversation, Tuesday:

The safest sex you’ll never have: how coronavirus is changing online dating … There has been a 188 per cent increase in mentions of coronavirus on OkCupid profiles in March. Indian Tinder users described a rise in longer Tinder conversations. Which made many question if COVID-19 marked the return of Jane Austen-like-courtships? In the Jane Austen romance world, a protracted courtship might involve a spate of love letters. Today, it’s video chats and direct messages.

Get crafty, sugar plums. Business ­Insider, Tuesday:

There are still plenty of ways to strike up a romance with someone — it just requires some creativity. Make crafts for each other on video chat and exchange them after the quarantine is over. Take whatever crafting materials you have in your house and make something for your soon-to-be-sweetie. Obviously, toilet paper is out of the question, but you can get creative. Did you take a bunch of paperclips from your office before getting sent home? Make a necklace.

Or go hard, go local. Vox, March 25:

Apparently, a number of people out there are very into the idea that following COVID-19 precautions can double as a way of bringing them closer together — much, much closer. Since having sex with anyone who’s not already living with you seems to be a big no-no for “flattening the curve”, there’s a whole new appeal in being confined together with someone who’s, well, conveniently located. Perhaps you’ve been secretly crushing on your roommate all this time; perhaps this sudden proximity means you’ve started seeing them in a new light. Whatever your circumstance, congratulations! The cultural zeitgeist is rooting for you.

Victoria relents, unleashes frenzy of rooting. More Herald Sun:

… in an about-face this afternoon, Victorian Chief Health Officer Prof Brett Sutton said there would be an exemption for couples living apart.

Northern Territory Chief Minister Michael Gunner, who knows better than to try to separate crocs in rut, The Australian, Wednesday:

I support love in the time of corona.