Dustin Martin’s dad plays his Jack the Ripper card but is trumped by Peter Dutton

If everyone keeps talking it up, they’ll keep coming: The Sydney Morning Herald, May 23 last year:

“How good is Australia! How good are Australians!” This was the climax of the Prime Minister’s victory speech on Saturday night … It wasn’t a ­question, it was a declaration of goodness so obvious that no answer was ­required.

American comedian Bill Hicks understood the allure. On stage in 1993:

The Australians were the criminal class of Great Britain and the Brits, in order to punish them, sent them to Australia, their own prehistoric Eden-like island continent … bummer. You don’t want to get on the wrong side of those Brits!

Hicks continued:

The crime rate really soared in Great Britain when people figured out where they were gonna be sent.

Voice one: “Let me get this straight: you keep the shitty food and the shitty weather, and we get the Great Barrier Reef and lobsters the size of canoes. I’m Jack the Ripper.

Voice two: No, I’m Jack the Ripper.

Voice three:We’re all Jack the ­Ripper — where’s the boat?

And criminals are still keen on coming. Home Affairs Minister Peter Dutton, Sky News, January 4 last year:

Importantly, the number now of people in detention (on Nauru) is made up of two-thirds of people who are criminals. People that have had their visas cancelled because of ­criminal ­offences … serious breaches of the law.

They won’t stop trying. SBS, October 16 last year:

An Iranian asylum-seeker who has a history of violence is set to become the first person to be refused transfer to Australia under the medevac legislation. Doctors had recommended the man accompany his 21-year-old daughter, who will be moved from Nauru to Australia for psychological treatment … “I reasonably believe the accompanying family member would expose the Australian community to a serious risk of criminal conduct and should not be transferred to Aust­ralia,” Mr Dutton’s statement reads.

But you can come to Australia, commit­ very serious crimes and stay — if you qualify. Anne Twomey, The Australian, February 12:

Can an Aboriginal person be treated as an alien and deported from Aust­ralia on character grounds? The High Court has decided the answer is “no”, even if that person is a non-citizen.

The Australian’s legal affairs editor, Chris Merritt, was scathing of the High Court’s vote, February 12:

The lunacy at the heart of the latest decision by the High Court comes down to this: this is pure racism built upon an illegitimate exercise of judic­ial power. By the narrowest of margins­, the nation’s highest court has elevated a racial distinction to a position of constitutional privilege that would never be accepted if such a question were put to the people at a referendum.

Where could this possibly go? Geelong­ Advertiser, February 18:

Shane Martin … The exiled father of AFL star Dustin Martin failed in his bid to return to Australia last weekend … Martin says he has an Aborig­inal grandmother from Tasmania.

I’m Shane Martin. No, I’m Shane Martin. We’re all Shane Martin! The Australian, March 3:

Home Affairs is examining the claims of 23 immigration detainees who say they should be released on the grounds that they are indigenous Australians …