Coronavirus Australia: In Victoria, it’s golf yes but Pokemon, no

Victorian police have fined two people for playing Pokemon.

Okay, so from now on in Victoria, it’s Pokemon, no.

Victoria Police this morning announced they had fined two people for going out to “catch ‘em all.”

Hunting down Pikachu, it’s simply not essential.

Pokemon, no go.

But it does raise the question as to what is essential, and therefore permissible, in the land of the locked up, and feeling down.

Premier Dan Andrews has done something of a reverse ferret on the bonk ban: you are allowed to visit your “intimate partner” this time around.

The ban on golf has also been lifted for Lockdown 2.0.

You can exercise in pairs, which to my mind would make lawful the hunt for Pikachu.

For those who don’t know, Pokemon Go involves running around holding your phone, often in a team of two (a Dad and his daughter, for example.)

How is that different from taking a jog around the Tan with your bestie?

Police broke up a group of ten people who had gathered on stools in a driveway. They’ve also issued 40 infringement notices to people visiting massage parlours.

You can leave your house to go to the doctor, or to go shopping.

But the Human Headline – Derryn Hinch – wants to know whether a trip to Bunnings really counts as essential shopping during a pandemic.

Lockdown question with no answer. Does going out for coffee qualify as ‘essential supermarket shopping’? Does Bunnings?

— Derryn Hinch (@HumanHeadline) July 13, 2020

His followers on social media rushed to defend the much-loved hardware store.

Bunnings has for many been a lifesaver during lockdown. You can buy seeds and soil to make a nice little window box.

You can buy mulch to fix the garden, or timber to put down some decking, anything really, to fill the long days.

There has to be a balance. Not everyone likes board games.

It’s hard to stay sane when you’re locked down, especially when you live alone.

The kids need things to do, too.

And Bunnings seems to get that: it now has a page on its website devoted to mental health.

“We all feel down sometimes but knowing when to seek help can be difficult to know, especially when you are in it,” it says.

“This article will show you how to recognise the signs and symptoms of depression and anxiety, and where you can access help.”

Again, they’re a hardware store.

They’re also in this mess with us

It’s true: the rules aren’t always clear, and at times seem illogical. You can’t have your daughter visit you at home. But you go and buy a flick mixer.

As for Derryn’s other questions: is the morning walk to get takeaway coffee essential?

It’s Melbourne!

Of course it is.