Anthony Albanese will be remembered as the prime minister of irrelevant anecdotes

Albanese, as is his wont, just had to insert himself in the story.

If nothing else, Anthony Albanese will be remembered as the prime minister of personal anecdotes, especially those of marginal relevance.

Waving his Medicare card last week, Albanese invoked the late Kerry Packer and the legendary businessman’s near-death experience in 1990. Where is this going, I wondered. Silly me should have known to steel myself.

“The Australian values that say when Kerry Packer has a heart attack, he goes to the emergency department. He went to the emergency department at Royal Prince Alfred Hospital, the same hospital that I went to when I had my car accident when I was leader of the Labor Party in January 2021, got the same level of care,” he said.

As if the infantile and patronising use of the present tense to describe events that happened (or rather didn’t happen) 35 years ago wasn’t bad enough. But Albanese, as is his wont, just had to insert himself in the story.

Businessman Kerry Packer in 1977.

As with his references to being raised by a single mother in public housing, there would by now be only two or three people in Australia who are unaware Albanese had a road accident four years ago. It occurred in Hill Street in Marrickville, Sydney, when a car driven by a P-plater crossed into the wrong lane and collided with Albanese’s vehicle. The then opposition leader was conveyed to hospital by ambulance, where he remained overnight for observation and was discharged the following day.

I do not doubt it was a traumatic experience for Albanese at the time. But seemingly for him the greater trauma is the possibility we could all move on and put it behind us. January 2025: “I ended up in Royal Prince Alfred Hospital Emergency Department like Kerry Packer ended up when he had a heart attack”. October 2024: “You might recall my car accident a couple of years ago”. February 2024: “I was in an accident a couple of years ago, you might remember”.

How could we forget? February 2024: “I grew up near Royal Prince Alfred Hospital in Camperdown. That’s where I ended up when I had multiple - I can trace the stitches around my legs and arms, etc.” July 2023: “I ended up in the emergency department a couple of years ago after a car accident”. October 2022: “I [had] a near life-ending car crash”.

You wonder what it will take for him to stop telling us. In desperation, I have thought of writing to Sydney’s Inner West Council to beg it to install a plaque in Hill Street at the spot in question. I will even write the inscription to ensure it reflects the enormity of what took place. Something like “Albanese’s life was one of destiny, and unquestionably this narrow avoidance of disaster was a case of Providence intervening,” perhaps? But I fear even that would not quell his incessant reminiscing.

This trait is but one example of Albanese’s self-infatuation. In repeating ad nauseum his humble beginnings and the setbacks he has faced, he invites us to join him in marvelling at his achievements. It reeks of self-pity, but it is also a ploy to garner sympathy and head off criticism of his performance.

As for making it known (twice) that he and Packer were treated in the same hospital, that too is revealing. It is as much a case of compare as it is contrast. Ostensibly, Albanese cites it as a case of the latter – the billionaire businessman, irrespective of his great wealth, being brought to the same medical facility as the (self-styled) common man. But Albanese would quietly have us know that RPA Hospital has saved not just one, but two, great men.

There is another reason why Albanese is obsessed with sharing irrelevant anecdotes. It will resonate with those who have worked for an inept boss, particularly one who is incapable of getting across detail. Some try to hide their ignorance through bluff and some through bullying. And, as in Albanese’s case, some will wear down employees seeking direction by instead talking endlessly about themselves.

They also speak in platitudes.

“The Australian way is that we look after each other, is that we’re a country that in the language that we use with each other, fair dinkum, fair go, they’re part of the Australian lexicon,” said Albanese last week. “This [Medicare] card is part of Australian values.”

Waving his Medicare card last week, Albanese invoked the late Kerry Packer and the legendary businessman’s near-death experience in 1990. Picture: NewsWire / Andrew Henshaw

Speaking of cards, I can think of another that symbolise Australian values, or should I say the values of a select group of Australians. It is called the Australian Labor Party membership card.

Not just any ALP card, mind you. I am talking about the platinum version. It is an amazing card. A few examples will suffice.

It is one that allows you to occupy the highest offices in the land without ever having had a full-time job at length outside politics. Fair dinkum.

It is also one that ensures Albanese will receive an indexed pension of $350K plus a year when he retires. That is the Australian way of looking after each other, or rather us looking after Albanese.

Should Albanese wish to supplement his modest pension, his card will guarantee a lucrative directorship in an industry super fund. His fellow directors, particularly his former ministerial colleagues and fellow union members, will warmly welcome him. They look after each other, you see.

That card also gives Albanese and the members of his family access to the Qantas Chairman’s Lounge. In addition, his card has over the years magically transformed his economy class private international fares to first-class tickets at no cost to him. That was a case of then Qantas CEO Alan Joyce and Albanese looking after each other.

No matter how badly Australia fares under Labor, or how many businesses go under, or how much the cost of living rises, that little card will ensure Albanese never wants for anything. And if he really reckons this amounts to a fair go for all, then all I will say is there are many words in the Australian lexicon that come to mind when he makes such claims.

As for Albanese’s habit of constantly relaying personal anecdotes, I want to be clear I am not saying he should put a stop to them. In fact, I am very much looking forward to the one about what occupies him in retirement. For the good of the nation, we need to hear it sooner rather than later.