US college scandal: Parental pressure to excel induces anxiety in adolescents

Many adolescents suffer from anxiety because of parental pressure.

A couple came to see me about their 16-year-old son. His grades had dropped, and he’d scored only 29 out of 36 on the ACT practice test. He was a solid student, his father told me, but they had to prod him to take advanced-placement classes and pack his calendar with extracurricular activities. They hired tutors to help him in science class and for college testing.

The boy didn’t complain, but he did have trouble focusing on his work. He’d also been sent home from school several times after experiencing dizziness, a racing heartbeat and shortness of breath. His paediatrician said he was fine physically — his symptoms were those of a panic attack. She recommended therapy to manage his stress. The parents asked me what they could do to improve his performance. How would he ever get into a good college if he was only getting Bs? Would medication help?

The problem wasn’t his performance. His panic attacks were a response to intense pressure, from both them and the school. Before we could address his anxiety, I told the parents, we’d have to deal with theirs.

Many kids are being tuned like the strings of a guitar that pop because they are overtightened. In a 2010 study published by the Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, nearly 1 in 3 Americans under 18 met the criteria for anxiety disorders. In my practice I see many adolescents who suffer from anxiety because of parental pressure.

The scandal of wealthy parents allegedly cheating the college-admissions system is an extreme example. Parents do their children no favours by shielding them from ordinary experiences of disappointment, frustration and rejection, or refusing to acknowledge their academic or personal limitations. Confronting adversity and working with limits are important parts of building resilience to stress. Parents who game the system are telling their children that they can’t achieve something on their own.

When parents use their money or influence to get their kid into an elite institution without considering whether it’s the right social or academic environment for the child, it may be because they’re more concerned about their own status than the child’s wellbeing and success. It can give youngsters a sense of entitlement rather than accomplishment. Some of the kids who get into these top universities find they can’t handle the academic pressure and break down. According to a 2015 study by the American College Health Association, 20 per cent of students on college campuses seek mental-health services. And those are only the ones asking for help.

Parents who see the college process as one of matching the right student to the right school, rather than a status symbol, learn to separate their own anxiety from what’s best for their child. The best way for parents to help children succeed is to see them as individuals, not as accessories and reflections of themselves.

Erica Komisar is a psychoanalyst and author of “Being There: Why Prioritizing Motherhood in the First Three Years Matters.” She is working on a book about the challenges of raising adolescents in an age of anxiety.

The Wall Street Journal