Our sexual delusion an issue of age

MIRROR mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?

Illustration: Michael Perkins

MIRROR mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?

You might think this is an easy question, but it's not. Beauty and, let's be frank, sexual attraction, is not necessarily limited to the eye of the beholder. Both are a function of free demographic forces.

Let me explain.

According to the 2006 census there is an imbalance between the number of single men and single women at different stages in the life cycle.

Up to the mid 30s there are more single men than single women. And the reason is that women tend to partner older men.

Men in their 30s often pair up with women in their 20s, which means 20-something men miss out.

There aren't enough buyers for the product 20-something men have to flog. There's no man drought in the 20s but there's a sheila shortage.

This gender imbalance reaches a crescendo at the age of 25.

At this time in the lifecycle there are 23 per cent more single men than single women. These are good odds for women, presenting a delicious over-supply of single men competing for affection.

And that's just the way women like it: having lots of options means they can make a selection from what they believe is the best on offer.

But this gender imbalance has an unintended side effect.

I propose that an oversupply of single men competing for the affection of an undersupply of single women would go to women's heads.

Women would get to thinking that they are "pretty damn hot" because every time they go out in public men pay them attention.

And it may well be because 25-year-old single women are indeed highly attractive.

However, ladies, I hate to spoil your party, but perhaps the reason why men are hanging on your every word is there's not enough single women to go around.

These blokes are desperate. Desperate, I tell you. Have you not a charitable bone in your body?

The problem is that a 25-year-old single woman can't get a good fix on her attractiveness by taking a market sounding because the market is demographically skewed.

So, what a young woman needs to do when she looks in the mirror is to deflate her hotness by 23 per cent.

But the fickle market for relationships doesn't end there.

By the late 30s the imbalance between single women and men swings 180 degrees.

By this time in the life cycle the man drought is well under way.

And again, the reason is that men in their late 30s can and do pair up with much younger women, leaving women their own age to select from a shrinking pool of, frankly, barely partnerable options.

By age 44, single women outnumber single men by 15 per cent. Suddenly the relationship market changes and it is men who can pick and choose from any number of potential partners.

And it must be said that the same delusion about hotness that applied to 25-year-old women also applies to 44-year-old men.

You and I might see such a man as being a bit daggy and a tad paunchy, to say nothing of his bald spot, but this is not what he sees in the mirror.

He sees nothing less than an athlete d'amour who is trim, taught and, so he is told, terrific. Careful ladies, he's a tiger. Grrrrr. And you can see why he thinks like this.

Every time a 44-year-old single male goes into a public situation he is feted by single women. Not because of his manly allure (undoubted though that may be), but because he's about the best of the (straight) options going around. Pretty soon this bloke gets to thinking he is more attractive than he really is.

Clearly we need government intervention to amend the migrant intake to rebalance the gender distribution and once and for all rid this nation of the dreaded hotness delusion syndrome.

Bernard Salt is a KPMG Partner

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