Parliamentary oversight committee on Culleton

In the wake of Senator Culleton’s plan for a new “high-calibre” committee into banking, I have another scheme.

One Nation Senator Rodney Culleton.

A couple of mates and I are tossing around the idea of setting up a parliamentary oversight committee.

And why not? Everyone’s doing it.

Take newbie Senator and anti-bank crusader Rodney Culleton, for example. A week or so ago, Culleton breathlessly announced his plan to set up a “high-calibre” committee to oversee the banking ombudsman and the parliamentary committee.

Heaven knows which “banking ombudsman” and which “parliamentary committee”. But who cares?

It’s precisely that kind of pedantry that made this country what it used to be — a functioning democracy.

We all know that’s not the way of the future.

So today, I’m proudly announcing a new committee called the Culleton Oversight Committee.

The pedants among you are probably saying: “Okay, but it’s clearly not a parliamentary committee so it won’t have royal commission-like powers.”

My only response to your outdated scepticism is this: sure, my committee is stacked with non-parliamentarians, but the people we plan to monitor are in parliament.

So it’s a high-calibre parliamentary oversight committee. Just like the Senator’s!

But in my transition from old to new thinking, I also have a confession to make: I let my own inner pedant get the better of me.

Culleton announced his “high-calibre committee to oversee the banking ombudsman and the parliamentary committee” on September 3, a couple of days after the Turnbull Government said the banks’ treatment of small business customers would be forensically examined by the Australian Small Business and Family Enterprise Ombudsman (ASBFEO) Kate Carnell.

Yes, it’s a rash assumption, I know, but I thought the two events might be connected.

So I rang the ASBFEO and asked if Culleton’s “high-calibre” committee has any formal or oversight role in relation to the ASBFEO’s work.

The answer was no. And of course it was.

Unfortunately, there’s a cloud hanging over Culleton’s tenure in parliament.

Already, some pedants are saying that he faced a criminal charge — since annulled — when he nominated for the Senate, so he should be disqualified under the Constitution.

What a monument to pedantry that document is!

All it took was a press release from Culleton to show what’s really needed.

On September 3, the Senator let it rip with the following headline: “Senator Culleton saves Australia from a Clayton’s royal commission.”

Perfect! Culleton’s saved us from a Clayton’s royal commission when there’s no plan to actually have one.

But time is of the essence. I move a motion to set up the Culleton Oversight Committee.

Long may it flourish!