One final play of the room as AFL departing boss Gillon McLachlan prepares to be benched
The prediction came early from Gillon McLachlan during his speech at the AFL’s Olympic Room luncheon on Saturday, but even he conceded the reasoning behind his forecast for the grand final winner was a bit dubious.
It went like this: every club that advanced through the finals series owed its victory to the alphabetical order of the names – specifically, whether the team’s first letter preceded that of their opponent’s.
Thus Collingwood’s defeat of Melbourne and the GWS Giants, Carlton’s triumph over Sydney and Melbourne, GWS’s drubbing of Port Adelaide and St Kilda, and Brisbane’s edging out of Port Adelaide and Carlton.
“For some it’s a silly statistic,” said McLachlan, “mostly because they can’t spell.”
Brisbane’s loss to Collingwood quickly put paid to this hypothesis, which was about as accurate as the rooster taking credit for the sunrise. But given the love in the room for McLachlan, bowing out for the last time as the code’s long-serving leader – and this time for real! – it’s a safe bet that he’ll be able to live down that dodgy projection.
This year the axis of influence on the guest list tilted slightly in favour of the wealthy rather than the overtly powerful, or the ruthlessly political. Hence the sighting of Visy chair Anthony Pratt in his trademark blue suit, billionaire Paul Scanlon and Barrenjoey‘s Matthew Grounds, seated on a table with AFL commissioner and Seek co-founder Paul Bassat, along with Blackstone’s James Carnegie and Hostplus CEO David Elia. Interrupting the deal-making was McLachlan bro Guillaume Brahimi, who would have kept a watching brief on Curtis Stone’s cooking. Brought on stage during the meal, Stone thanked Jimmy Barnes for the encore played during his private set for the many gathered – it gave the chef a couple more minutes to hit the perfect blush on 600 eye fillets.
And what a pleasure it was to hear an acoustic rendition of Flame Trees, although there was a criminally low number of people singing along, among them Nationals senator and social whirlwind Bridget McKenzie, who played nice with AFL chair Richard Goyder, the pair having only just finished jousting over Qantas during a Senate committee hearing in Canberra a few days ago. Beloved comic Titus O’Reily did his usual schtick and cracked wise about the public’s waning interest in those day-long public grillings, only for McKenzie to shout back, “They care about this one!” during the applause.
A joke about McLachlan saw the CEO slink low into his chair. Noting the extra year-long length of his tenure, O’Reilly said: “We call that doing a reverse Andrew Thorburn,” a reference to the former NAB chief’s 24 hours as the boss of Essendon. The room loved it, and even Thorburn’s successor Craig Vozzo took it in good humour.
McKenzie and Anne Ruston represented the Coalition (Peter Dutton having attended a family gathering elsewhere), leaving the government with greater strength in numbers, starting with Anthony Albanese and partner Jodie Haydon at the head table with McLachlan and wife Laura, Seven West Media chair Kerry Stokes (later seen on his feet keenly bopping to KISS’s Rock And Roll All Nite during the pre-game entertainment) and Seven CEO James Warburton, whose face seemed to relax once the television ratings of 4.72 million were relayed to him. Also on hand was Stokes’ son and Boral CEO Ryan Stokes, Foxtel boss Patrick Delany, News Corp CEO Michael Miller, Herald & Weekly Times chair Penny Fowler, Victorian Governor Margaret Gardner, and Goyder, naturally, looking brave of face after a shattering few weeks of calls for his resignation from the Qantas board.
If number one is to find some friends to say you’re doing well, as Barnsey advised, then man-of-the-hour McLachlan stepped in with some comfort for the soul of his embattled chair. “There’s a lot that is thankless about running the AFL commission – not as thankless as running an airline, clearly, but a thankless task all the same,” he said during his speech. “All I would say to my team, to the commission, and to my chairman Richard Goyder and his wife, Janine, you run a game that is the envy of the country and that’s no accident.”
Fortifying the federal Labor contingent was Deputy Prime Minister Richard Marles, who didn’t have much time for questions about his friendship with rogue Geelong businessman David Collard. The Scale Facilitation CEO owes $7m to his employees but Marles didn’t have much more than a shrug to offer. “I’m not the expert on that,” he said, assuring us that despite encrypted texting between them in the past, they were no longer in touch.
Also seen: Sports Minister Anika Wells having a very good time with her husband, SEC Newgate lobbyist Finn McCarthy. She was very much unbuttoned from her cabinet responsibilities in the stands and absolutely wailing John Denver’s Take Me Home, Country Roads with 100,000 other tragics. Newly sworn-in Victorian Premier Jacinta Allan (arriving an hour late) said her KPI for the day was to see KISS, the accompanying pyrotechnics almost louder than the serve Deputy Premier Ben Carroll (also in attendance) copped from Dan Andrews this week. Even Warner Music Australasia president Dan Rosen, no stranger to a bit of fun, seemed impressed by the spectacle. “How much sh.t did they blow up!?” he shouted.
Carlton president Luke Sayers gave a few pointers to Virgin CEO Jayne Hrdlicka about the game and its rules from their private nook in the stands. No need to be across the finer points of the game, apparently, when your airline is a major sponsor. The tips came between some turkey-talk about a “good little business”, which may or may not have been private equity firm Allegro.
After Collingwood’s victory they all piled back inside where some guests ransacked the tiered trays of pies and scones and Tony Shepherd worked the room like a boss. He’s still so coy about who might succeed him as the chair of GWS Giants. “We have a process!” came the reply, when we suggested his good mate Tim Reed, president of the Business Council of Australia, as a possibility.
Come Monday, McLachlan will hand over the responsibilities to his successor Andrew Dillon, whom he praised at length during his speech, the pair going back 24 years, apparently. McLachlan called it “the longest relationship I’ve ever had”.
“I’m told we just celebrated our opal anniversary,” he added. “In typical male fashion, we both forgot.”
Champion of the battlers has his expenses queried
Allan Fels built a reputation for crusading on behalf of the little guy. So why is he in a stoush with NSW Treasury over his taxpayer-funded expenses?
Tink turns opaque on finance transparency
Kylea Tink’s passion for trying to extract and publish every last detail of campaign financing from rival political parties seems to run out of steam when it comes to her own donation receipts.