Donald Trump US election victory stuns our pollies

Illustration: Rod Clement.

“President Trump, hey,” said a stunned-looking member of Malcolm Turnbull’s cabinet right after Question Time yesterday.

One by one, they came out of the green House of Representatives in Canberra, looking stunned.

Ohio, North Carolina and Florida had shunned the establishment’s candidate, Hillary Clinton.

Donald Trump — star of The Apprentice and enemy of the international order — was now shockingly close to being announced the next executive leader of our Great and Powerful Friend.

And so the Australian political class headed back to their offices, trying to get their heads around the new world order.

“Sad days,” said another cabinet minister at the thought of a “TRUMP” sign emblazoned on the White House.

“It’s a reminder — don’t get trapped in the bubble,” said another.

Trade, Tourism and Investment Minister Steve Ciobo shuffled along to the blue-carpeted ministerial wing.

After this result, schemes to sneak the Trans-Pacific Partnership through during the end of Barack Obama’s administration are kaput.

Over at the parliament coffee shop Aussies, former Liberal Party federal director turned business consultant Brian Loughnane was ordering his thoughts before sharing them with Sky News.

Other lobbyists with an anarchic streak laughed at the ­surprise.

“Can’t wait to see what the media elite says about this!” said one, sunnily.

“Every pollster around the world is going to shut up shop,” beamed another at the profession’s latest blunder.

And, in a jarring symbol of our brave new world, a lone figure in the Canberra coffee shop wore a red baseball cap. It was stamped: “Make America Great Again!”

Party pooped

Over in Washington DC, the mood in the Australian embassy’s election party was unusually ­sombre.

The likely inauguration of arch-populist Donald Trump was a depressing prospect for most of ambassador Joe Hockey’s guests.

From Australian international public servants to diplomats to corporate professionals — all looked understandably anxious.

Even Hockey’s personal guests, Collingwood president and TV star Eddie McGuire (with a CV not a world away from the 45th president of the US) and the newest member of the NSW Racing board Tony Shepherd, struggled to break the gloom.

Golden day

As is their ghoulish way, gold producers shot up like rockets as Donald Trump swaggered along the path to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Mark Clark’s Regis Resources was up 7.4 per cent, Jake Klein’s Evolution Mining performed even better — up 11.4 per cent.

And, in an extraordinary movement for a company now valued at just under $20 billion, Sandeep Biswas’s Newcrest Mining was up 9.8 per cent.

They weren’t the only ones benefiting from the biggest daily surge in the gold price since Brexit.

Federal parliamentarians Andrew Hastie (the former Australian Army officer turned West Australian Liberal) and Malcolm Roberts (the self-taught climate scientist turned One Nation senator in Queensland) both saw tidy valuation gains for their respective piles of gold bullion, which were each valued at more than $7500 — and that was before the Trump effect.

New liaisons

Tony Abbott dropped in for the launch of Canberra Liaison — the branch in the Australian capital of Lynton Crosby and Mark Textor’s campaign and communications consultancy, which is under the stewardship of Abbott’s former deputy chief of staff Andrew Hirst.

Immigration Minister Peter Dutton was also along at the event, where there was a bit more interest in the future of Crosby and Textor’s new shop in Washington DC.

CT launches its DC operations next week.

It is in a “strategic partnership” with former US Assistant Secretary of Defence Mary Beth Long’s new shop, Global Alliance Advisors, as well as something like a loose confederacy with Obama 2012 campaign manager Jim Messina, who also runs a shop in DC.

CBA chair’s final turn

Outside of the political bubble in Perth, Commonwealth Bank chairman David Turner yesterday chaired his final annual meeting for the bank.

Tension at the AGM — not quite of US political proportions — was evident as soon as Turner introduced his fellow board members. Most directors only received applause from one or two of the 450 or so shareholders at the meeting, while chief executive Ian Narev even copped a few muffled boos when he was introduced.

The tepid welcome prompted Turner to quip that the company should have brought along an applause-o-meter.

Demonstrating the famed politeness of the English, Turner kept his cool when the meeting was briefly interrupted by a dozen (mostly young and female) environment activists, who stripped down to lime green singlets and chanted “act on climate”.

He calmly waited for the activists to run out of puff and even complimented them on how well co-ordinated they were. Maybe his pleasant demeanour stemmed from his knowledge that he’ll be long gone by the time next year’s AGM — and the risk of a second strike against the remuneration report — comes around.

That headache awaits his successor, Catherine Livingstone.

At least she’s pulling up stumps at the Business Council of Australia. Presiding over the big business lobby in the Age of Trump is a joy all for Grant King.

Stitched up

John Ho, the founder and chief investment officer of Janchor Partners, is one of the headline acts at the Hearts & Minds Investment Leaders conference, where he’ll give his best trade ideas.

It’s part of a noble effort to raise $3 million for Australia’s leading medical research institutes.

In an interview ahead of his Friday address, Ho nominated opportunities to challenge Australia’s big four banks and Craig Drummond’s Medibank Private, in which Janchor has a large position.

No surprise he didn’t mention Janchor’s other big Australian play, online retailer SurfStitch. That’s the one currently in a trading halt following its latest episode of corporate weirdness.

Less than two years ago, the Hong Kong-based Ho was spruiking the surfware supplier as a business that could repeat the fivefold return he made investing in Jack Ma’s internet retail giant, Alibaba.

“SurfStitch can have the same potential,” said Ho in December 2014, just ahead of the business’s ASX float. “It depends on execution.”

Well, he got the last part right.

Janchor shelled out $US8.5m for stock in SurfStitch in August 2014 at about 67c a share. That stake was later topped up at $1 a share to more than 17 million shares.

The stock last sold for 17.5c, depressed by profit warnings, bad acquisitions and the bizarre departure of co-founder Justin Cameron.

While Ho’s likely to keep quiet about the investment at the Opera House event, keep an eye out for the James Ruse Agricultural High graduate at SurfStitch’s annual general meeting today at the Novotel Manly Pacific. As Medibank found out a year ago after George Savvides’s surprise departure, Ho takes a keen interest in the management of the companies he invests in.