Clash of cutlery a disaster for Ciobo

Cartoon: Rod Clement

It has been dubbed Trade Minister Steve Ciobo’s “dumpling ­incident” and it has rattled Australia’s already skittish China-­focused business community.

The scene was Shanghai’s Hyatt on the Bund last Thursday night.

Ciobo, the first minister from Malcolm Turnbull’s government to visit China in eight months, had just taken the stage in an attempt to add some balm to recent wounds to the China-Australia relationship.

“If we find ourselves in choppy waters, we should bring our boats together and help each other to find a way to the other shore, avoiding the storm,” Ciobo told the room of 500 business people, borrowing a phrase from China’s philosopher king Xi Jinping.

At least, that’s what Ciobo’s speech said he said. For those in the room — which was light on senior Chinese officials — the ­visiting minister was hard to make out over the clattering of plates that began, loudly, exactly when he started speaking.

It would have been written off as bad luck if it wasn’t for Ciobo’s “microphone incident” the following night.

The scene was the St Regis Shanghai, the venue for a gala dinner hosted by Gill McLachlan’sAFL before Port Adelaide thumped Gold Coast at Jiangwan Stadium.

“It was pretty clear what was going on,” one attendee told Margin Call.

When Ciobo took the stage, a microphone that moments before had worked perfectly for McLachlan became almost inaudible once the Trade Minister stood in front of it.

Tellingly, the gremlins — or little dragons — were dispelled by the time South Australia’s Liberal Premier Steven Marshall used the same microphone to flaunt his impressive fluency in Mandarin.

No microphone problems either for Victorian Premier Dan Andrews’Trade Minister ­Philip Dalidakis, whose luck on the Shanghai trip was as good as Ciobo’s was bad.

Without any responsibility for aggravating national security or foreign investment issues, our state governments are enjoying a happier relationship with the Middle Kingdom than our federal government is.

Andrews’ government is particularly popular. The Victorian Premier has instructed every member of his cabinet to visit China each term and Andrews himself has committed to visit every year.

The Premier is due again next month. Expect the acoustics to be flawless.

Unasked-for advice

In alarming news for the big four, Margin Call can reveal former One Nation senator Rod Culleton has offered his legal services to Kenneth Hayne’sbanking royal commission.

Culleton — a farmer turned senator turned self-taught constitutional scholar — was the star attendee at the resumption of the Hayne Show yesterday in the Federal Court in Melbourne.

The 53-year-old Culleton took his seat in the courtroom just over the shoulder of counsel assisting, Michael ‘‘Babyface’’ Hodge to make sure the royal commission ran on track.

“We don’t want anyone switching the lines over,” Culleton told Margin Call.

As part of his effort to keep tabs on the royal commission, Margin Call can reveal Culleton yesterday volunteered his idiosyncratic legal services to Hodge and Babyface’s fellow counsel assisting, Rowena ‘‘Shock and’’ Orr.

Culleton was troubled by Hodge’s opening statement which said “ulterior motive theories” in Commonwealth Bank’s scandalous Bankwest acquisition did not “warrant further consideration by case study”.

As Culleton later explained to Hodge and Orr, he is of the legal opinion that evidence gathered by a Senate committee on which he sat during his seven months in the red house can be administered into evidence.

That committee explored the “ulterior motive theories” of Bankwest’s disgruntled customers, which Matt Comyn’s CBA is hopeful will not be further examined in the Hayne Show.

“I’m going to tender it as a document,” Culleton told Margin Call.

Culleton is one of Australia’s most legally experienced — if not legally successful — former politicians.

Before yesterday’s appearance at Melbourne’s federal court, he has appeared in WA’s district court (over a financial dispute with his former business colleagues), Perth’s federal court (where he represented himself over bankruptcy charges), the ACT’s Magistrates Court (where he unsuccessfully attempted to launch proceedings against then attorney-general George Brandis) and NSW’s magistrates court (over the whereabouts of a $7.50 tow truck key).

And of course there was the case in the High Court — on which sits Hayne’s wife and High Court justice replacement Michelle Gordon — that in February in 2017 ended Culleton’s fledgling senate career.

Most of those court appearances haven’t gone Culleton’s way.

But with another agile member of Shayne Elliott’sANZ — the Big Four most detested by Culleton — soon to take the royal commission stand, the former senator is cheerier about his current legal assignment.

“I’m just at the hors d’oeuvres at the moment,” an enthusiastic Culleton told Margin Call. “I’ll be back for the main course. And for dessert.”

One good turn …

When it comes time to sign off on his $4.1 billion bid for Healthscope, Australian private equity shark Ben Gray will be hoping Healthscope’s remaining foundational directors remember his generosity.

BGH co-founder Gray was part of the team that put the Healthscope board together in mid-2014 before flogging the joint on the ASX.

Less than four years later, he’s back to snatch it off the exchange.

Three Healthscope foundation directors, chair Paula Dwyer, Rupert Myer and Tony Cipa, are still on the board.

However much goodwill the trio have built up with moneybags Gray, will they really give the nod to his controversial, current low-ball bid over the giant Canadian asset manager Brookfield’s more generous offer of $4.35 billion?

Complicating life for the Healthscope board is the exclusive agreement Gray has secured with the private healthcare operator’s mustachioed 14 per cent shareholder, the Ian Silk-led AustralianSuper.

The original three directors now share the Healthscope board with former Telstra boss Ziggy Switkowski, former Optus boss Paul O’Sullivan, Energy Australia director Jane McAloon and Michael Stanford.

Dwyer’s gang either has to defend the rights (and returns) of Healthscope’s other shareholders or explain why Gray’s interests come first. Again.

Back in 2014, Gray was munificent to his Healthscope directors. Will they return the favour?

At the time of the float Dwyer locked in $475,000-a-year as chair, plus committee fees, and was given $103,000 worth of free shares, on top of the same amount she bought herself at $2.10 each for a total holding worth $203,000.

Dwyer has kept on buying and now has an almost $600,000 Healthscope holding when valued at Brookfield’s $2.50-a-share offer. BGH has bid $2.36 a share.

Myer got almost 25,000 free shares in the Healthscope float, as did Cipa, plus their $150,000-a-year director fees. Myer remains a big believer and like Dwyer has more than $600,000 worth of Healthscope stock at Brookfield’s offer price. Cipa has amassed about $250,000 worth of shares.

Plenty of boardroom skin in this unfolding game.