Get the green-eyed monster before it gets you

It damages team morale, poisons company cultures and creates employee disengagement.

Illustration: Steven Moore

Envy is often born out of deep feelings of inadequacy. We resent the people we feel inferior to because of what they have, what we want or what we feel we deserve. According to Bruna Martinuzzi, a researcher of leadership, envy harms company cultures, damages team morale and ultimately leads to employee disengagement.

To prevent envy from poisoning your team’s culture, leaders must replace the narrative of comparison (“I deserve what you have”) with the narrative of goodwill (“I’m delighted for what you have, and grateful for what I have”). This is not an easy shift to make. But the people you lead will never be fully engaged or have a sense of purpose if you don’t create cultures of cohesion, trust and openness.

Here are three ways to begin:

SET THE EXAMPLE YOU WANT OTHERS TO FOLLOW

Most people dismiss envy as a form of immature pettiness. When a junior high school student displays it, that may be true. But when a leader is envious, it’s toxic. That’s why it’s important not to downplay your envy as a “bad habit”. If left unacknowledged, it can breed a culture of contempt.

Leaders who model envious behaviour reinforce zero-sum thinking on their teams by showing people it is OK to vie for what they want at any cost. When you encourage this kind of culture, one in which the success of others provokes envy instead of support, you end up with a group of people who are constantly comparing themselves to others. As a result, they may prioritise winning against their team over winning with their team. Further, they will struggle to find lasting contentment in their roles and be genuinely happy about group achievements.

To simply say “stop being envious” here would be reductive. Leadership is bound to make you feel bad about yourself and those you lead at times. Your mistakes are a public matter, and your decisions can be misunderstood. But when these things start to overwhelm you, try your best not to resort to making unhealthy comparisons. Take a breath and talk to a trusted ally who can help you regain perspective.

LEARN TO ACCEPT WHAT YOU HAVE

As a leader, you have disproportionate influence over the emotional well-being of your team. When you feel envy or fail to address it in your own team, you will, over time, damage team morale and destroy the very admiration you seek.

But rather than examine the source of their own envy, many leaders reflexively attempt to make themselves feel better by provoking envy (whether consciously or not) in others. Things like casually mentioning your new luxury car or name-dropping top executives you’ve met with can lead others to feel inadequate.

To avoid this behaviour, identify and address your feelings of inadequacy compared to others the moment they are triggered by asking: What do they have that makes me feel inadequate? What void am I trying to fill?

Once you identify the root of your emotions, you can change them. For example, you may speculate that your fellow leader was assigned a project because your boss thinks the person is more competent than you, even though you have no evidence to prove it. Rather than stewing in resentment, ask your boss about it directly. You may find that your assumptions were completely inaccurate. Getting down to the source of your feelings will help you shift your focus from something you can’t control (your boss’s motives) to something you can control (your interpretation of your boss’s motives).

WHEN OTHERS ARE ENVIOUS OF YOU, RESPOND WITH KINDNESS

Leaders are often objects of envy. In the eyes of others, leaders may appear to get special privileges, including a higher salary and a greater say in making important decisions.

Research suggests that when members of an organisation compare what they have or who they are to what a leader has or who a leader is, it evokes both a sense of inferiority and a desire to attack and destroy. This is particularly true when the envious person depends on the leader for career advancement.

As a leader, these situations may make you feel isolated and misunderstood. You may see people leaving work early or going out for happy hour with peers, while you are stuck at the office with a full inbox. Sarcastic jabs from direct reports like “That’s why you get paid the big bucks” may even make you feel bitter about your obligations, and resentful of those who enjoy freedoms that you don’t and who fail to see the burdens you bear.

But remember that part of your job is to stay objective, and when you trigger unwanted envy in your employees you are responsible for helping them navigate their emotions. Don’t fault them for misperceiving your role. Instead, invite compassion by showing some vulnerability. It’s OK to give them a glimpse of the demands you contend with, as long as you maintain a healthy boss-employee boundary. Be open about the challenges you face without complaining. During stressful times, you might clear the air by saying, “I need you to be patient with me over the next few weeks while I’m getting ready for a board presentation. I’m pretty anxious about it, so I may not be as available as usual.” Your openness will help your team empathise with you.

What makes envy so harmful is the way we’ve normalised it. Whether we’re begrudging our boss’s vacation photos on Instagram, or embellishing our Friday night plans to peers, few measuring devices have more destructive power than those we use to compare ourselves to others. If you want to manage a team of people who are capable of supporting one another, admitting their own mistakes, asking for help and persevering through setbacks, make a commitment to building a culture of support and goodwill. Doing so will free people to compare themselves only to their own goals, and more importantly, free you to help them reach those goals.

Ron Carucci is co-founder of training organisation Navalent