Freedom ... but do we really want it? I’m happy at home

Freedom is here, or within grasp ... but how confident are we stepping out?

The world is opening up and, finally, diaries are opening up. That means socialising and, if that word is like a kick in the gut, then you need a refresher for being out in society. Let’s call it the post-pandemic protocols.

Firstly, a few hygiene pointers. Shower. Preferably every day but at least before you see people. Wear pants. Please. Any pants really but it would be nice to see a few more pants with zippers and buttons. Lipstick. Yes, it’s visible again. Go the summer shades. Stop shouting. You are no longer socially distanced, on Zoom or on an ear bud meeting. The person is right next you. (You did brush your teeth, didn’t you?).

Con-ver-sation. It sounds strange but you used to do it and you can do it again. Don’t mention the C-word, unless you’re talking about C-hristmas. We don’t want to know about epidemiology; we don’t want another data bore and nobody is interested in modelling now. Doesn’t leave much to talk about, does it?

“Good to see you again,” is a fine greeting but don’t follow it up with a comment about what you’re seeing. While the world got smaller, we got bigger. Don’t comment on their hair colour – it’s either a home job or a surrender to the cruelty of age. Hirsuteness is also taboo because they might not realise the extent of it and don’t compliment someone whose face appears remarkably – what’s the word cosmetic surgeons use – refreshed?

In fact, if a friend looks thinner, fresher, coiffed and mentally bright, you may want to kill them. Avoid them for a while.

Speaking of coiffed, it’s too late to book a hairdresser before next year. You’re stuck with the skunk line and the ponytail so you may as well move to the bush until then. It’s also too late to book celebrations at restaurants, summer holidays on the coast and flights to anywhere except Wagga Wagga (which is a very nice place).

While you were crying about your Uber Eats bill, everyone else was making plans. Plans! We can talk about our plans again but that means FOMO (fear of missing out) is back even before you got over FOBO (fear of being out).

For some, the absence of FOMO was the best thing about 2020/2021. Suddenly everyone else’s life was as boring as yours. A walk in the park was the day’s highlight, a picnic was a celebration and the queue for the morning coffee was as buzzy as it got. But don’t freak out if you’re still in thongs while everyone is polishing dancing shoes because there’s a new trend and it’s called conscious consorting.

Lots of people – okay, mainly me – have decided they’re going to be more conscious about what they do and with whom. They’re not going to cram 18 months of socialising into the next few months. They’re not going to fill their diary, just because someone asked. They’re going to take a few joys from the twilight time into the future.

So, ditch the people you didn’t miss in lockdown. Cherish the ones you couldn’t wait to hug. Be kind to those who choose not to get vaccinated – via text or email.

Go for a drive, just because you can. Get dressed up, just because you haven’t. Try to forget the names of premiers. Go back to your favourite restaurant and tell them you’re glad they’re still there. Book a table for 6pm because you don’t need to feel guilty about eating early. Walk because you want to, enjoy the silence while it lasts and say thanks. For everything.

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