By Susanna Galton
It was supposed to be a routine presidential visit. Emmanuel Macron’s plane had touched down in Vietnam, the doors were about to open, and out he would step to wave to the world. Instead, we got a rare glimpse inside a power couple’s extraordinary dynamic.
As the doors opened, the French president was seemingly shoved in the face by the red-jacketed arms of his wife Brigitte, stunning the waiting media and leaving the French leader to awkwardly wave as he composed himself.
Then-presidential candidate Emmanuel Macron kisses his wife Brigitte on election day in 2017.Credit: AP
It was an excruciating start to their official South-East Asia tour, forcing Macron to insist it was a case of “simply joking with my wife as we often do” and rubbishing claims of a “domestic incident”.
“It’s a tricky one because the key element is we really don’t know the full story,” says Peter Saddington, a relationship therapist with more than 30 years’ experience of counselling couples.
“If we imagine the scenario, for instance, in which one person tells the other person they’ve had an affair, there might well be a knee-jerk physical lashing out – perhaps a push or slap – that won’t have been thought through, and would be out of character,” he adds.
“In those circumstances you might understand, and forgive, how it might have happened.”
It’s likely the 16-hour flight may have frayed tempers (even though they were hardly travelling in the cramped conditions of commercial economy class).
You can’t help but wonder how any of us might feel if our own private altercations were played out in public.
One writer, who wishes to remain anonymous, admits: “I once waved a kitchen knife at my husband when he was driving me mad (much to his horror) and afterwards, in my shame, I wondered what on earth would have happened if a neighbour had looked through our window.”
It could well have been a playful move, as Macron maintains.
“Perhaps he said something in jest, or tried to kiss her when she was trying to get ready for the cameras, and she was simply shoving him in a ‘not now, you don’t’ way,” says Saddington.
Fiery outbursts
We must all know some couples who seem to actively enjoy shared fiery outbursts.
Saddington agrees he’s worked with people who describe rows as “passionate” and who admit to the odd push and, yes, shove. If this is genuinely mutual then it may be unwise to pass judgment.
“But what I would be very concerned about is when one party is being physical, or coercive, or controlling, and the other is forced to physically defend themselves,” warns Saddington. “That would be very wrong.
“What I think is the most telling thing is that Macron didn’t seem particularly perturbed by what happened – he didn’t look shocked or hurt. It didn’t seem to put him off his stride. It’s clear it’s something he wasn’t exactly anticipating at that moment but his reaction wasn’t to panic. What marriage doesn’t suffer – and survive – the odd sniping comment?”
But Saddington is clear that, as a rule, he believes any physical touch like this is never a good idea to manage or resolve relationship issues.
He suggests that instead of thinking about it inside a marriage, consider it on a more basic level.
“If you were out shopping and somebody hit, slapped or pushed you in some way, you’d rightfully claim it was an assault. That would be illegal. So, equally, it’s not right in a relationship. Communication really is best achieved by talking issues through.”
Some readers who have seen the footage have rightly pointed out that if this situation had been reversed, there would be a huge outcry. “It’s quite true there are different implications because men are stronger and thus able to do more harm physically,” says Saddington.
“But I also work with men who are on the receiving end of physical assault from their partners. It’s more unusual but perhaps it’s reported less frequently because it comes with the added stigma of ‘being weak’. It’s taboo, and men are less likely to seek help.”
Whether it’s a muttered argument on the doorstep of a dinner party or a blazing row just before the world’s cameras are trained on you, no one really knows what goes on behind the closed doors of any marriage.
Can spouses ever win?
World leaders, in particular, face the pressure to always show a united front; why would the spouse accompany a president or prime minister unless it serves a purpose?
Cherie Blair and Samantha Cameron paused their own careers to be the dutiful wives, while there’s a reason why Angela Merkel and Theresa May usually appeared at events solo (male spouses don’t have the same air of “power couple”).
Philip May maintained an air of dutiful discretion beside his prime minister wife.Credit: AP
Meanwhile, Jill Biden loyally stood by her man – and got flak for doing so – while some clearly can’t face it.
Melania Trump’s way of swerving most of the “togetherness” image altogether also attracts criticism. Is it possible for the spouses to ever really win?
The Macrons, especially, must know that the world has always had plenty to say about their relationship, so the scrutiny they are under means they must be even more careful than anyone else. When everything from height and weight to age and body language is pored over, it pays to have any disagreements firmly off the world stage.
However, Saddington believes this is a couple who have long proven their own strength in the face of adversity.
“With the Macrons I think what’s notable is the fact that when they’re out in public, they do seem [generally] comfortable and at ease with one another.
“Their relationship has always raised eyebrows – and they’ve always weathered the storm together,” he says. “Having a relationship that looks different to most other people’s has never really been a problem for them, which will make it easier to shrug this incident off in public.”
His advice for any couple – famous or otherwise – who are disagreeing is to talk, apologise and listen. “If any couple are both committed to wanting to sort it out, they will.”
Diplomacy, you might call it.
Telegraph, London
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