There’s a cardinal rule of footy fandom, and I’m ready to break it

With the AFL home and away season done, lots of fans are licking wounds. Including me. Required treatment: a zap from a defibrillator, thanks, and the answer to a question a lifelong, one-club supporter should have no business asking.

Is it OK to change AFL teams?

Watching Essendon – Depressendon – creatively implode again in their last game, I felt more than shattered. I felt enough is enough. After 50 years as a Bombers fan, I’ve had it up to pussy’s bow spending time, money, passion on something that’s infuriating rather than fun.

It’s been a hard year to be a Bombers fan.Credit: via Getty Images

Supporting a footy team should not be triggering. I’m an adult with agency to make choices. Why should I buy annual season tickets to a trauma-inducing entity with uncertain entertainment value other than tragi-comedy just because it was imprinted on me as a kid?

Yeah, yeah, loyalty. Because there’s so much of that in the footy world these days. Teams change all the time. Coaches, management, players who feel bigger crowds will best suit their personal brand. Loyalty? Fluid concept.

After the last siren, my husband dished up a bowl of ice-cream that stopped me screaming and gave light brain freeze, which led to existential thoughts.

If changing teams enhances your experience as a fan, maybe it’s a valid choice. Maybe it’s even a natural, acceptable part of personal growth and evolution. Life circumstances and preferences shift over decades. Can changes in allegiance mean you’re less of a traitor, more being true to what fits you best right now?

As you do, I inherited Essendon from Dad. Spent teenage Sundays at Windy Hill wearing a garbage bag poncho, eyeing off Merv Neagle, sharing doughnuts and camaraderie with fellow fans.

My kids wore Essendon jerseys in their cots. After the one-point preliminary final loss to Carlton in 1999, my distraught eldest had to be carried from the MCG. After the 2017 season, my middle son was so confident of a resurgence he inked “Dons ’18” on his leg with his home tattoo gun. My daughter was at the Gabba for last week’s fiasco.

Red and black, always. These days, also red mist and black thoughts.

In 2024, the Dons were almost unwatchable if you wanted to not have a heart attack. Woah, we’re 73 points up. Hold on, we lost by a point. We’re top two. We’re out of the eight. I’d rail at my husband mid-game: “Has anyone at the club worked out that we always lose when Shiel’s in? Why did we let D’Ambrosio go, yet pay so much for McKay, who plays like he’s in a hostage situation?”

Footy is entertainment. When your team loses the plot or tears up the script every week, they’re not giving bang for buck. And there are plenty of other boy bands out there to support.

When my ex-brother-in-law Marcus moved from London in the 1990s, I took him to the ’G for his first AFL game. “Tell me what every club stands for,” he said. When I got to Melbourne – top end of town, tailgate charcuterie picnics – he stopped me. “They’ll do.”

Decades later, I’m in awe of Marcus’ prescience in matching his team to his values. What does Essendon stand for? These days, not sure. I rang the club to ask, but the “contact centre is currently closed”. Like my purse when it comes to membership next year, maybe.

I then call my brother, whose dog Lenny wears a sleeveless Heppell jersey and whose nickname Aero references 1990s Bomber Brad Plain. Can you change teams?

He’s thoughtful. “I think it’s OK. You can mount a decent argument based not on the win/loss record but the morals of a club. Supporters deserve a return, and the return is just being competitive. Having a crack. I love Essendon, but I’m furious with them.”

My husband barracks for Hawthorn, so I saw their corker season. The competitiveness. The enthusiasm. The licence given to play attacking slingshot footy as long as they’re accountable in defence.

Exhilarating. Makes me sick with jealousy.

Essendon, I love you. But sheesh, you make it hard to stay faithful.

Kate Halfpenny is the founder of Bad Mother Media.

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