By Vince Rugari
It’s been dubbed the worst AFL fixture of the modern era. And to the long list of complaints already made about the structure of season 2024 – the Opening Round malarkey and its impact on byes, the sudden abandonment of Thursday night footy, the absurdity of some teams facing each other twice before facing others once – we can add one more.
It has robbed us of maybe the best Sydney derby ever.
Imagine if the Swans and Giants were playing this weekend? You couldn’t miss it. It might happen soon, if their paths cross in September – but if not, since they’ve already played two derbies this year (in the space of just seven rounds; go figure), we’ll have to wait a minimum of nine months to see the simmering tensions between the two clubs manifest on the field.
In the past, the rivalry between the city’s two AFL clubs has felt either too confected or too collegiate, as if their mutual respect and common goal of growing the game in NSW overwhelmed whichever receptors in the brain are responsible for fostering hatred. There have been hints of genuine dislike here and there, the whole Lance Franklin recruitment imbroglio, and plenty of hotly contested games (and finals), but nothing strong enough to draw in the neutral or take over the discourse.
Until now.
We have a bona fide feud, ladies and gentlemen, between Isaac Heeney and Toby Greene, arguably the two faces of AFL in Sydney in the post-Buddy era.
They are, to a large degree, representative of their clubs: one is prim and proper, possibly too much so, the other a serial troublemaker who should probably rein it in from time to time.
Toby Greene and Isaac Heeney butting heads back in 2017.Credit: Getty
For those of you who missed it: Heeney was controversially suspended last week for striking an opponent in the face while trying to take a mark, and his appeal to overturn the ban was dismissed. As a result, Heeney was ruled out of contention for the Brownlow Medal, having previously been one of the hot favourites to win it.
The Swans released a short video of Heeney after the appeal saying he was “pretty shattered” and giving thanks to everyone who supported him. It was widely ridiculed as overly earnest and completely unnecessary; Kane Cornes described it as “nonsense” and said it was a massive overreaction. Indeed, some rightly aggrieved Swans nuffies carried on as if Heeney were the victim of a political assassination. (Yes, there was even a ‘FREE HEENEY’ sign at the SCG last weekend. He also got clapped as he walked the boundary.)
Greene, at this point, joined in on the fun. The Giants released their own mimicry of the Heeney video, filming their captain sarcastically apologising for getting fined again over the weekend. No great surprise for anyone who has perused their socials; the Giants have become an antagonistic, banter-iffic meme machine, finding a voice that has helped them cut through the noise of the Sydney market and the insular nature of the AFL fishbowl. They’ve taken the piss out of Mason Cox (remember the petting zoo in Opening Round?), Ken Hinkley (they did a Barbie thing ... Ken, get it?) and even John Longmire (for mispronouncing ‘Coniglio’), which ruffled a few red-and-white feathers.
Heeney was an obvious target, even if taking aim at him felt a bit like needlessly inserting themselves into someone else’s affairs.
Safe to say that their latest masterpiece didn’t land well at Swans HQ. Heeney was legitimately furious, and Sydney’s chief executive Tom Harley would go on to describe the video as “pretty crude” and “low brow”, saying: “I wouldn’t have done it.” Cue more criticism of the Swans’ prudish culture and inability to take a joke.
On Wednesday, Heeney and Greene buried the hatchet. Publicly, at least. They are also business partners, as it turns out, who run footy clinics for kids under the ‘5th Quarter Camps’ brand, and as they held one at Tramway Oval, across the road from the SCG, they posed for photos of Heeney jokingly holding his fist as if he’s about to punch Greene in retaliation.
“He’s awesome, we’re great mates,” Heeney said, evoking the vibe of The Simpsons’ Waylon Smithers holding a gun to Tom Jones’ back, forcing him to wave and smile at Marge.
“So, no love lost there. I’ve just got ammo now. We’ll keep focusing on being on top of the ladder, they can keep focusing on being comedians.”
The media opportunity wasn’t sanctioned by the Swans, who would have preferred to move on from the whole topic and not given it any further oxygen.
And while we’ll take Heeney at his word that his friendship with Greene is still intact, the real measure will be the next time there’s a Sydney derby. That’ll be a fun week, on and off the field. We’ll see who gets fined or suspended then.
As we wait for that, it’s worth appreciating that the two clubs have organically developed diametrically opposing identities. The Swans are the smug sticklers from the top end of town who sometimes take themselves too seriously, the Giants are a pack of jokers from out west who maybe don’t take themselves seriously enough.
They should have disagreements like this more often. It’s good for footy in NSW.
Sports news, results and expert commentary. Sign up for our Sport newsletter.