Excuse me, Donald, a word? The Trump challenge facing Richard Marles

How, we might ponder, might Australia’s Deputy Prime Minister Richard Marles win a meeting with the self-proclaimed king, bringer of peace through bombing in the Middle East, and fastest-tweeting thumb in the West, Donald J. Trump?

A little friendly banter on the sidelines, perhaps? A polite pull-aside concerning tariffs? A natter about AUKUS over the all-you-can-eat buffet?

Donald Trump doesn’t talk to just anyone. Will Richard Marles manage to gain his ear at the NATO summit?Credit: Alex Ellinghausen, Bloomberg

Marles and Trump, after all, are attending this week’s NATO summit in the Netherlands.

Given that Marles is merely a deputy prime minister of a nation that is not actually a member of NATO, this is akin to saying a footy fan seated in the MCG’s row Z in level nose-bleed is at the same game as Nick Daicos.

Still, Trump tends to get among other attendees at NATO summits.

Who could forget his effort of elbowing aside Montenegro’s then-prime minister Dusko Markovic to get to the front for a group photo at the summit in Belgium in 2017?

Perhaps Marles could plant himself in Trump’s way at the queue for, say, the men’s conveniences, prepared to sacrifice himself to a presidential hip-and-shoulder on the off-chance that it would lead to an exchange of sorts.

Any brief word might be presented as an advance on Prime Minister Anthony Albanese’s unfortunate experience at the recent G7 summit in Canada.

Hoping for his first face-to-face meeting with the president, even if it was, as the language of summits prescribes, no more than on the sidelines, Albanese found himself sidelined as forlornly as a jilted bride when Trump suddenly took to his heels to arrange his bombardment of Iran’s nuclear facilities.

After that unhappy experience, could there be any wonder why Albanese has sent Marles, post-bombardment, in his stead to NATO?

Marles, sensible fellow, has gone out of his way to quell speculation that he might get a meeting – any kind of meeting – with the bringer of peace.

At this point, Trump doesn’t just speak to anyone, having declared in his post-peace-bombing address to the US: “I want to just thank everybody, in particular, God. I want to just say, ‘We love you, God, and we love our great military, protect them.’ God bless the Middle East, God bless Israel, and God bless America.”

We don’t know if Marles has sent ahead any private messages to excite Trump’s famously short attention span, but he’d struggle to get more florid than the NATO Secretary-General Mark Rutte.

“Mr president, dear Donald, congratulations and thank you for your decisive action in Iran, that was truly extraordinary, and something no one else dared to do. It makes us all safer,” gushed Rutte’s text.

Dear Donald, naturally, released the private message to the world.

Should Marles miraculously get a word in the president’s blessedly healed ear at NATO, we’re sure to hear all about it.

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