By Adrian Lowe
"It's not worth the paper it's written on."
You might expect this phrase to be associated with a contract or a degree, but sadly for many people – usually women – it is true of court-obtained intervention orders.
But there is an overwhelming secrecy around these orders and family violence as a whole. Like incest, it's something we don't talk about.
This is despite the best efforts of police, particularly in recent years as chief commissioner Ken Lay has made it his personal mission to bring domestic violence to the fore.
He is correct when he says there are thousands of Lukes and thousands of Rosie Battys – innocent victims of men who seek to exert control.
Despite the chief's tough talk, the truth is that people will continue to kill each other, bash each other, abuse each other.
And many men in a relationship with a woman believe that woman becomes their property and that they can control their actions.
In three years covering Victoria's courts, I saw the weird and often the depressing, but one recurring theme was the delusion of many men that they can control others – often their wives or partners. Too often, their children become objects for manipulation.
Take the Darcey Freeman case. Just before throwing her from the West Gate Bridge on what should have been Darcey's first day at school in 2009, Arthur Freeman called his ex-wife and told her to "say goodbye to your children". Freeman had been unhappy with a Family Court ruling that reduced his access to their three children.
But for every high-profile case in which children have been killed – Robert Farquharson, Ramazan Acar – there are others where children are injured, physically and emotionally, by cruel and controlling adults who use them for their own advantage.
With this behaviour comes the attitude that an intervention order is "just a piece of paper", and breaching it has no consequence.
Despite the fact that those who repeatedly breach intervention orders can be jailed – and this does happen – many victims of domestic violence feel they can put up with it as long as the family stays together.
Often the reality of losing a breadwinner is too much to face, and moving out is not feasible.
So the abuser wins. Any magistrate or police officer can relay countless stories of times when women (usually the victims of domestic violence) reluctantly withdraw applications for intervention orders, or allow their partners to breach the order because they want to give them "one more chance".
And although police say a rise in family violence crime is because of more reporting, the fact remains that it is still on the increase. Like incest, there are many who do not report.
Meanwhile, the stigma of family violence is perpetuated by the media, because in most cases we cannot write about it in Victoria.
While this protects victims of domestic violence from publicity, it also hides the issue from public discussion, until tragedies like Luke Batty's murder.
At the top, police have the right attitude to domestic violence. But in Victoria, we need to talk about it. More. And we need to teach boys that girls and women are not their property.
Adrian Lowe, morning homepage producer for The Age, was the newspaper's court reporter from 2009-2012.
For information and help regarding family violence visit Domestic Violence Victoria or in an emergency call police or the women's domestic violence crisis services on 1800 015 188.