‘Unpatriotic’: Kate Holden’s cheeky claim about husband Tim Flannery’s saucy tastes

Writer Kate Holden, 52, had given up on dating when she met fellow author and scientist Tim Flannery, 68, in 2006, at a book awards night. They bonded over Tacitus, Thucydides – and his car. Just don’t mention tomato sauce.

Kate Holden and Tim Flannery. “He’s older than me, but not in a fuddy-duddy way,” she says. “At the same time, he’s a little unworldly.”Credit: James Brickwood

Tim: I met Kate in the 2000s at a book awards night. We were both nominated and sitting on the same table because we had the same publisher. It turned out that she’d studied the classics at university, and she knew who Seneca was and had read Tacitus and Thucydides. I found her fascinating and we ended up being friends.

A couple of years later, I became climate commissioner. It was pretty fraught: being the public face of climate action exposed me to a lot of vitriol. The only way I could deal with it was to create a world I could escape into, so I decided to write a novel. I needed advice, though, and the only person I could turn to was Kate. I was in awe of her style, her proficiency with language and allusion and comfort with writing. As I got to know her better, I learnt that these perfectly formed sentences actually come out of her mind as they appear on the page, unlike me – I have to really work at it. Our friendship then deepened into something more romantic. In 2012, I moved from Sydney to Melbourne to be with her.

Kate is very emotionally intelligent: she can put herself in someone else’s shoes. I don’t do that automatically. We also come from very different educational backgrounds. I went to St Bede’s in Mentone, which was a brutal, ­old-school Catholic education. I was strapped a lot and, at one point, they strapped the whole school. Kate went to a totally different school, which was totally free-form and liberal. For a long time I carried the horror of that Catholic upbringing but then, when I lived with Kate, it made me reflect on how free I could be and how I could be a different person.

We’re different in other ways. She’s very knowledgeable about art. We’ll watch a show about Caravaggio, which is old-hat for her ­because she studied it, but I’m agog. She also makes it a priority to go to things, like classical music, which we both love. I always think, “We should do that”, but Kate is the one to actually book it. And she likes tomato sauce and I hate it. At first, she couldn’t believe that I really disliked it because it seems so innocuous, but I really do dislike it intensely, even the smell of it.

‘I always think, “We should do that”, but Kate is the one to actually book it.’

Tim Flannery

In 2013, we had a child, Coleby. Coleby was Kate’s first child, but I already had two: a son, who’s now 40, and my daughter, who’s 37. When Coleby wasn’t breastfeeding properly or was grumpy from not sleeping, Kate would get exhausted, but I was able to bring a bit of ­patience. I knew that when kids are at that age, it’s all a phase, and that a week from now it might all look very different. Coleby has inherited Kate’s kindness, which is good because it often takes a little while for boys to become empathic.

I’ve got a little holiday place on the Hawkesbury River. I have my classics library up there, and I read Tacitus every year or so. Otherwise, we just relax and do as little as ­possible, and that suits us just fine.

Kate: I met Tim at an awards night in 2006 for the book prize we were both nominated for. I’d written [my memoir] In My Skin and was a new writer. I was terrified that I’d win and have to get up in front of everyone. But Tim was sweet. He looked at me with these lovely marsupial eyes and said, “I’ve read your book. It’s amazing.” He won [with The Weather Makers] and I was happy because I didn’t have to get up.

I’d bump into him over the next few years at literary events and we’d talk about books; I’d rant to him about the classics. But I’d given up on dating because I’d had so many disappointing experiences. Then, in 2010, I wrote a list of qualities I’d like in someone. One criterion was that he had to have a job and be happy to travel. I also wanted someone who was good at what he did but not jealous of what I did, and he had to be interested in what I was interested in but also in things I wasn’t interested in, so he’d have new things to show me. Owning a car would be good, too. I never thought I’d meet that person, but then one day I thought, “Tim actually fits that list!” We ended up getting together in 2012 and he moved to Melbourne to live with me.

‘As a scientist, he looks at deep time – geological time – which is great with parenting.’

Kate Holden

I’m astounded by the amount of ground he can cover. He’s engaged in so many different areas: science, biology, climate. He’s older than me, but not in a fuddy-duddy way. At the same time, he’s a little unworldly and doesn’t know any popular culture. The 1980s, ’90s and 2000s went by without him noticing, especially with bands. I’ll go see the Dirty Three, and Tim has never heard of them. I’m quite cool, and Tim is definitely not cool. But he’s had 16 years more experience of life and he’s had two children, so he knows how it plays out. As a scientist, he looks at deep time – geological time – which is great with parenting. When I’m complaining about our son not eating his vegetables or riding a bike, Tim says, “All in good time.” Meanwhile, our child has inherited Tim’s dislike of tomato sauce, which is unpatriotic. That’s what pies are for – to carry the tomato sauce.

He can also be very philosophical about things. We had a boat on the Hawkesbury River and it sank in a storm. We got a call ­saying the boat was upside down in the water. It wasn’t insured, but Tim took it very well and arranged for the boat to be salvaged. We saved what we could and started to organise another boat. At the same time, I’ve seen him have a tantrum over a bus timetable. We were at Epidaurus, Greece. The only bus going back to town had left 20 minutes before we got there, and he just shut down. I had to save the day. I’m good in a crisis and found us a taxi.

I’m amazed I found him. When I think back to that list I made about my ideal boyfriend, it was important that he expand my world and accompany me while I expand mine. I realise now that I absolutely picked the right person.

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