Our dogs have a human problem, and it’s becoming a pet hate

If you have a dog, love a dog, want a dog, support all things dog, maybe think of life from the dog’s point of view.

The dog’s in the front yard. A stranger in head-achey dayglo comes along with a suspicious parcel. Sensing a threat to her beloved owner, the dog growls – first warning. She barks – second warning. And now, the dayglo suspect hasn’t backed off, so that’s it, sunshine, you’ve left the dog with no choice.

Illustration by Dionne GainCredit:

Australia Post reports 44 “dog-related incidents” each week nationally, a sharp increase since the pet population has rocketed up to 4.7 million in NSW alone. With posties being attacked by breeds from the pit bull to the poodle, Australia Post is fighting back by equipping them with citronella spray, which is the Pal version of capsicum spray. This is reported as a dog problem, when it’s not.

To avoid more dog-related incidents with the postie, the owner locks the dog inside all day. She begins hearing things. A dog whistle, or is that Tony Abbott? She hears other dogs barking. Someone shouts, “Bad dog!” She hears a knock at the door. Jehovah’s Witness? Another parcel-wielding terrorist? What’s a dog to do? Without the option of a bite, all she has is her bark. Barking, too, is described as a dog problem, when it’s not. It’s a human problem.

The human, thinking it’s a good and well-trained owner, takes the dog for a walk. The dog is excited, so she does an excitement poo. The human has done the right thing and has brought a roll of poo bags, but just now it’s on an important phone call and doesn’t see the excitement poo, which remains like an unexploded mine on the footpath. Another human problem that will be blamed on the dog.

They continue to the park. Being well-behaved, the owner lets the dog off the leash. Run free, Sparkie! But now there are other humans barking at the owner, who takes Sparkie to the off-leash dog park. There, Sparkie sniffs a savoury assortment of friendship rings, which put her in the mood for another excitement poo. This time, the owner is playing Wordle, and misses another poo. To be honest, the owner doesn’t much like the warm feeling of picking up poo and is relieved that Sparkie hasn’t done any today.

But now another human is barking and pointing, and the owner-human is barking back, and someone is cursing and using a stick to remove something from the sole of its shoe. More human problems. (Sparkie is smart enough not to tread in dog poo.)

The pandemic led to a spike in the NSW dog population. Five years on, rescue places are reporting a huge increase in the number of unwanted dogs.Credit: Rhett Wyman

The human takes Sparkie to Coles. She gets shooed out – no dogs. For relief from this continuous conflict, the human takes Sparkie to its favourite pub, The Dog, but there’s a sign: “The Dog. No Dogs”. So they go to a café with outdoor seating. The human gets a Vegemite and avocado roll. Sparkie’s salivary glands go into full flow. The loving human companion shares its roll with Sparkie, who does what any dog would do, down in one gulp, too excited to chew. More problem humans begin barking at each other.

Dog problems? No, just more human problems.

Dying from the stress, the human takes a holiday. Because it now has a reputation as the owner of a “problem dog”, the human can’t find a friend or relative to look after Sparkie. It drops its children at their kennels, aka grandparents, who can’t cope with the problem dog on top of the problem kids.

Have you seen the cost of dog accommodation? The budget squeeze caused by the dog turns the holiday into a cut-price one, and nobody comes home relaxed, least of all Sparkie, who has been staying in an overpriced “holiday village”. Sparkie now has to resume the eternal vigilance of protecting the house from dayglo suspects, Uber Eats delivery guys (let Sparkie check that bag for you) and dog, sorry, god botherers.

After some years of this – or five, to be precise, because this all started during COVID – the human has to face facts. It has a dog problem with a problem dog.

Tears flowing, heart breaking, the problem human takes Sparkie to the doggie rescue place. Five years ago, doggie rescue places were loosely populated with yappy-but-happy little fox terrier crosses. Now, they’re jam-packed with bull mastiff and staffie crosses, big muscular dogs with hard heads, beady eyes and throaty barks. Ugly scary dogs, dumped for nothing more than being dogs.

The NSW government is reviewing companion animal legislation for the first time in 20 years, and councils are urging it to broaden owners’ responsibilities and increase fines for non-compliance. Dog people and non-dog people are at each other’s throats, turning parks into conflict zones.

Rangers report “abuse” and “co-ordinated online harassment” from dog owners. The fines in this state are up to $330 for having dogs off-leash outside designated areas and $275 for not picking up dog poo. “Not everyone likes dogs,” Randwick dog walker Rod Dee told this masthead. “You do get the odd bad apple who has a big dog and walks around like they’re god’s gift but the overwhelming majority of owners do the right thing.” Dee encouraged councils to enforce their existing rules rather than increase fines. Waverley Council has issued 185 fines per year for the past three years, one every second day. Lane Cove Council has reportedly introduced a “dog flag system”, whatever that is, to keep dogs away from sports fields.

It’s humans who pay the fines and get into the arguments, of course, but the dogs are too often seen as the problem. Dogs are dogs. They can’t make life plans, or if they can, they don’t have the words to tell a prospective owner, “You’re not going to be up to this job.”

Foresight should be up to the human.

I love dogs, I’ve had dogs, I grew up with dogs, I want another dog – but am I ready to take full responsibility for its exercise and behaviour, balancing its needs against those of other dogs and all sorts of humans, some who like dogs and some who don’t? Will I be here for this dog every day until the end of its life, and if I’m not, will I have good back-up plans? I might love her as much as my children, but will I treat her as lovingly? Am I capable of seeing her life from her point of view? If I’m not, and I still get a dog, then it’s me who’s the problem.

Owning a dog is a privilege, not an entitlement. And yet, in the final insult, problem humans say it’s a “dog of a day” and they’ve been victims of a “dog act”. Look in the mirror, human. There are no bad dogs, only dogs with owners who think they’re dog’s gift.

Malcolm Knox is an author and a columnist.