Long live the apostrophe, a bulwark against chaos

It seems the apostrophe is on the way out. A study of 100 million words by researchers at Lancaster University to detect trends in language discovered a significant fall in the use of apostrophes – reporting an 8 per cent drop in their use after a plural noun compared with the 1990s. “The most striking thing is how informal language has become,” said study leader Dr Vaclav Brezina. “There has been a systematic shift towards more informal vocabulary and grammar.”

Illustration by John Shakespeare.Credit: Fairfax

It is just another symptom of the reshaping of language by the increasing use of social media: apparently now even full stops in text messages are regarded as threatening by young people.

The Apostrophe Protection Society would perhaps be saddened by the news of the decline of the apostrophe in society – that is, if it didn’t close its doors in 2019 . “We, and our many supporters worldwide, have done our best but the ignorance and laziness present in modern times have won!” said its late founder, John Richards, a former newspaper reporter and sub-editor.

Perhaps it takes a fellow former newspaper sub-editor to lament the decline of the apostrophe.
There are few things that so offend a sub-editor’s eyes as the incorrect use of apostrophes.

My teeth grind whenever I walk past a sign offering “cappuccino’s” or “coffee’s” or see a place that is “open Sunday’s”.

It’s a sad indictment on the modern education system that no one seems to know when to use “it’s” or “its” any more. (Though Lancaster University reported almost twice as many informal expressions such as “it’s” rather than “it is” being used today compared with 20 years ago).

When a sign declares a “farmer’s market”, I expect to find a single farmer behind those potato stalls. “Honk if your horny”? Not when you forget the apostrophe, friend.

And the ongoing confusion over “your” and “you’re”? Don’t get me started.

I like to think good punctuation is one of the only things that separates order from chaos. The likes of the apostrophe, ellipses and brackets – yes, even the Oxford comma – protect us from the nightmarish free-for-all of social media, a world where everything is “LOL”, “OMG!” and “YOLO”, exclamation marks are handed out like candy canes and one day great works of literature will have all their punctuation swapped out for emojis or abridged to 280 character limits a la Twitter.
If the correct use of the apostrophe prevents this day from coming, then I say long may it reign.

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