Julie knew something was wrong. Finally, with a hand over her face, Sarah told her

In 2020, Sarah Rosenberg, 29, accused a man she knew of raping her. Two years later, a jury found him not guilty. Supported by her mum, lawyer Julie Rosenberg, 65, Sarah founded an online resource for victims of sexual violence.

Sarah Rosenberg on her mother Julie: “I just want to be like her, someone who goes against the grain, calls people out.”Credit: Louie Douvis

Sarah: When I was growing up in Queens Park [in Sydney’s east], I remember Mum becoming the first part-time employee at a major law firm. She didn’t want to miss anything [with us]. She made the best school lunches: fairy bread cut into hearts, fruit roll-ups, chocolate Tiny Teddys. Other kids would take my rubbish to the bin in return for some of my lunch.

Mum’s a lawyer-turned-philanthropist-turned project director [Julie runs the Australian International Development Network] and Dad’s a surgeon who helps people in places like the Solomon Islands. I’ve always had a strong moral compass.

I was sick a lot in high school: pneumonia in year 9, chronic tonsillitis and glandular fever in year 10. Then chronic fatigue syndrome. There were teachers who doubted me, but Mum and Dad never did.

Mum was the first person I told about the rape [in October 2019], my hand over my face. I said it out of necessity; she knew something was wrong. I said, “It was rape.” She was great in the sense that she snapped into action, but she didn’t connect with me over it. I don’t remember us hugging or anything. She got straight on the phone to Family Planning. I needed someone to take action, and she did.

‘I just want to be like her, someone who goes against the grain, calls people out and stands up for what’s good.’

Sarah Rosenberg

It took me three months to build up the courage to report it – and that process took another three months. It was hard for Mum to hear the details. She’d had no idea of the extent. She was like, “Suffocating? Choking? What do you mean?” He was charged in August 2020.

Mum feels a lot of resentment around the way the trial unfolded [in April 2022]. She’s a lawyer: she had faith in the system. [Sarah’s attacker was found not guilty on all six counts. The Rosenbergs maintain that much of the prosecution’s evidence was never seen by the jury and lodged a detailed complaint with the Office of the Legal Service Commission. It was recently dismissed.] It was horrible, but I’d do it all over again with my own legal representation.

In 2022, I started the online resource “With You We Can” to achieve better responses for victims of sexual violence, especially around the introduction of independent legal representation. Some friends and family don’t understand why I do this advocacy work. They’re like, “When are you going to stop?” Mum just says to them, “When would be enough for you?”

She’d like for me to get out of the sector, though: it’s competitive, underfunded and under-resourced and people treat each other awfully. She says I’ve done my bit, but I’m not ready to get out yet; I can’t bear the thought of someone else being harmed because of my inaction. I just want to be like her, someone who goes against the grain, calls people out and stands up for what’s good.

Mum’s so serious and emotional and her capacity to love so deep, and then she can be the most light-hearted, funny, sarcastic, piss-taking woman you’ve ever met. We’re very co-dependent. We don’t hug, we don’t touch each other a lot – we’ve never had that kind of relationship – but we talk every day. Her love for me, from when she was making those heart-shaped sandwiches to now in my advocacy work, is the same. She’s my favourite person.

Julie: I always wanted four children. After Ellie and Matthew were born [now 33 and 31], there were three miscarriages. Then, in the first trimester of my pregnancy with Sarah, I had a major bleed. We assumed I’d miscarried. On the day I went for a D&C, the obstetrician checked for a heartbeat and found her. She was tiny. Later, the radiographer would go, “Mmm, perfect for three months” and I’d go, “She’s six months.” They’d do a sucked-lemon face and say, “I’ll just get the doctor for you.”

Sarah’s been sick for large chunks of her life, starting with mycoplasma of the hip in year 6. She home-schooled herself through year 12 [because of the chronic fatigue] and did very well, but all we wanted was for her to get better.

I was pottering around in the bathroom when Sarah told me she’d been raped. I knew something awful had happened, but there was no thought of rape. I was in shock; it’s every parent’s worst nightmare. I just went into mum mode and took her straight to Family Planning.

‘Sarah has done more than her bit ... I’d love to see her jump on a Harley-Davidson and ride off round the world and live her life.’

Julie Rosenberg

It was only after we went to see Chanel Miller [American sexual-assault survivor and author of Know My Name] speak at the Sydney Opera House in January 2020 that Sarah decided to report the rape. I was worried about her health: was she strong enough to do this? But I also didn’t want her to bury it because I believe a buried trauma impacts the immune system. And I thought I could support her.

The trial was worse than anything I could have imagined. It was harrowing for me personally, as a lawyer, to witness such a lack of equity. I believe the trial was lost due to a lack of prosecution and we just weren’t prepared for that. There were times during this period when Sarah wasn’t doing at all well. I went to every appointment with her, made sure she was never alone. I’m not sure I could’ve endured what she did; I don’t have her strength.

She continues to [advocate for sexual-violence victims] and the only benefit for her is helping the next person. “With You We Can” is the resource she needed. When people go, “Why do 92 per cent of [victims of sexual assault] not report it?” I’m like, “Are you serious? Have a go at it and see how hard it is, particularly around rape. No one believes you.”

Sarah has done more than her bit – and at a cost to her health. I’d love to see her jump on a Harley-Davidson and ride off round the world and live her life. She’s incredibly clever and determined, and so much stronger than she thinks she is. If we hugged now, I think we’d both break down. We’d probably just melt into the floor and never get up.

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Support is available from the National Sexual Assault, Domestic and Family Violence Counselling Service at 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732).

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