In the supermarket’s most tempting aisle, a familiar problem presents itself

Contrary to popular opinion, there is no better time to do the weekly grocery shop than Sunday night. Of all available windows, it is the only one that adequately allows you to prepare for the week ahead.

A mid-week shop is total madness, Friday evening requires too much forward-planning and Saturday morning should be reserved for going to a cafe and discussing what to do with your two days off.

When it comes to after-dinner treats, two squares of dark chocolate a night will never be enough to cure our collective problems.Credit: Dionne Gain

As for those who persevere with ordering online, I admire your trust in a broken system. We see you ordered five cucumbers and a capsicum. We have substituted that for a tub of dairy-free ice cream and a single grape. Enjoy!

Personally, it is the ritual of Sunday night shopping that keeps me coming back, a gathering of lost souls who each seem to be searching aimlessly for something that doesn’t exist. Purpose? Distraction? A dozen eggs?

Together, we float through the aisles, each trolley reflecting who we really are (white bread, Lurpak butter, canned tuna) and who we’d like to be (a kilo of artichokes).

Nowhere is this turmoil more tangible than the confectionery aisle, home to chocolates, chips, lollies and soft drinks, a glorious sensory overload we all try and fail to avoid.

We gather here like moths to a flame, fuelled by a secret desire: the after-dinner treat.

The aisle of temptation.Credit: Bloomberg

As with most people, post-dinner treats are integral to our nightly family routine.

Dinner is made, the washing up is done, a limited series about a violent murder plays on the TV, and then, without fail, the five magic words are spoken: Should we have a treat?

According to nutritionists, this is all entirely normal behaviour, a mixture of psychological conditioning and physiological needs. We crave sweets out of habit, but our bodies also require energy to help process digestion.

It’s worth noting that it wasn’t always this way. Despite growing up dangerously close to a Sara Lee factory outlet (where they would sell damaged goods that were still fit for consumption), our house was the kind of place where sweet treats were strictly for special occasions only.

No amount of pleading would sway my mother, who instead would offer up “fun” alternatives: Anyone for a fruit cup? Who wants yoghurt?

However, one of the few upsides to dealing with the crushing reality of adulthood is that no one can stop you from distracting yourself by any means possible. And what better way to ignore that near-present pit in your stomach than by stuffing it with various snacks, none of which involve fruit, save for Cadbury’s Fruit and Nut?

In our house, the after-dinner treat options now exist on a sliding scale, which varies depending on several factors, including how stressful the week has been and whether we are Trying To Be Good (also known as Going On A Health Kick).

As a general rule, ice-cream is out, but ice blocks are OK (notably the sugar-free Zooper Doopers or Icy Poles). Biscuits can be purchased on a case-by-case basis, but for the most part, anything covered in chocolate or featuring cream is banned.

This means Scotch Fingers and Arrowroots can be bought without consultation, but Iced Vovos, Monte Carlos, and my personal favourite, the humble Kingston, require pre-approval.

Unfortunately, after a recent incident involving several family-size packets of Maltesers being consumed in two days, my wife has decided that all treats are forbidden except the dreaded Lindt Cocoa Dark Chocolate block (85%).

85% cocoa: 100% the worst treat you’ve ever had in your life.Credit: Screenshot

Tasteless, bitter and a treat in name only, this particular range is reserved for those trapped somewhere between self-improvement and self-flagellation. Every night, we ration out two squares of the block, begrudgingly discussing the benefits of antioxidants and muttering about how good they are for heart health.

How long Lindt Cocoa purgatory lasts remains to be seen, but having ducked into the shops this week to grab some milk, I couldn’t help but notice that Easter chocolate was already on shelves and on sale.

In the domestic hierarchy of what matters most, Trying To Be Good is always trumped by Trying To Save. And when it’s half price for a Kit Kat bunny and 30 per cent off a mixed bag of Crunchie eggs? Well, it would be rude not to treat yourself.

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