My hate for all things flying might just turn into love, actually

Whenever I get cheerful about the state of the world and I need to pull myself together and remember how much misery there is in the universe, I remind myself of departure terminals around the nation.

I used to call this phenomenon “hate, actually”, but it’s more like rage, actually. Sheer, unabated rage at the airlines, at the greedy folks who run airport terminals, at temperamental online booking systems, and then – exhausted – at fellow travellers. I respect flight attendants. Tough gig. But geez, I’d love them to implement responsible service of alcohol. Sure, I’m not much of a drinker, so maybe my tolerance for drunken behaviour is limited. But the whole swearing and farting impact of booze in confined spaces is way too much.

An airport scene from the film Love Actually. Love and hate are actually very close, especially when it comes to air travel. Credit: Universal Pictures

Anyhow, the announcement of a new scheme has filled me with sheer, unabated joy. Federal Transport Minister Catherine King released an aviation white paper this week with 56 recommendations, and the star of the show is an independent Aviation Industry Ombuds Scheme, or AirBuddy.

Oh boy, do I have a list! I’ll go first – but please pitch in with whatever clips your wings, as mine have been on several occasions.

When I book a flight, I choose the time that suits me, balanced with the cost that suits me. Three days before departure, I receive a message from QF, VA or JQ101 which says flight QF, VA or JQ101 has been cancelled. No explanation. Good news though, I’ve been rebooked on another flight. Wrong time, wrong date, wrong seat. I chose that seat so I could sit next to my spouse. He doesn’t mind my gentle ladysnores on his manly shoulder. And I paid for the privilege of sitting next to him, when, truly, if you book together you should be able to fly together.

When I check the new flight, I see that fares are much less expensive than the ones I originally booked. Do I get a refund for that? No, I do not. Can I get a seat next to those particular manly shoulders? Ah, no, sorry. We could do parallel middle seats. Individual middle seats. True torture.

Jeannie Paterson, professor of law at the University of Melbourne, specialises in what I’d describe as fairness, with a sub-major in ombudsman. She’s extremely enthusiastic about the upcoming changes to the aviation industry and tells me I mustn’t panic if there is no immediate signing up to paying customers compensation. She thinks they will build it and then it will come.

I ask her to name her favourite ombud but she refuses to choose. This one, the AirBuddy, might eventually make her pick because it will preside over an industry where so many Australians have experienced the aforementioned sheer, unabated rage.

She says ombuds schemes are funded by the industry and take an inquisitorial approach without needing a truckload of lawyers or the complex and overengineered processes of courts or tribunals. In Australia, these schemes work really well, she says. “They make a decision based on what’s fair in the circumstances.”

What does she reckon will top the list for the new scheme? No hesitation there. Cancellations and credits. Ah, credits. I had a truckload of them during COVID, which strangely all expired sooner than I could use them. Points departing faster than a jet plane. My dreams of a trip to Darwin on someone else’s dime (or mine, delayed) disappeared. Did I even complain to anyone? Sure, I tried. I am a veteran of complaints lines, but even I failed.

Sure, all first-world problems. But I’ve talked to people who ended up separated from their actual tiny children. Who does that? How could anyone let that happen? People whose flights were cancelled and ground staff refused them any help to get to weddings, funerals, anything. Do people lie about this stuff? Maybe. Does that matter? Not when life, death and major events are at stake in the vast majority of cases. Those tiny moments are so significant for us. And what will we remember? That our hearts were broken because an airline stuffed us around.

What about those who never got money back or got money back months and months after it was first spent? Women in wheelchairs abandoned at the check-in or told to wait in line, while the able-bodied line got shorter and shorter. Left like a piece of meat, says my friend Chris.

Canberra to Sydney flights cancelled time and time again. Vouchers for $28 when that barely covers the cost of a meal at the airport you’re stranded in. Refusing to countenance any discussion at all. And I reckon every single purchase of those essential bag trackers AirTag (cheaper by the quarter dozen) ought to be reimbursed by the airlines. Or maybe just mailed out as soon as you’ve booked.

Our time is worth nothing to airlines. Their profitability, their needs, that’s what’s key. Travel is stressful even when you are happy to be going on holidays, but most airlines suck out the joy. Even when things go OK, there’s a bubbling anxiety that any minute you’ll be stranded.

So welcome, AirBuddy. I have a feeling you and travelling Australians are about to be best buds. It could even be love, actually.

Jenna Price is a visiting fellow at the Australian National University and a regular columnist for The Sydney Morning Herald.