Help! The kid next door is constantly kicking a ball against our shared fence

The young kid next door repeatedly kicks a soccer ball against our shared timber fence – all afternoon, every day. It’s loud. We’ve asked our neighbours nicely if he could instead kick his ball in a park or against their brick rear-wall, but they’ve ignored us. Any suggestions?
H.A., Clifton Hill, VIC

Credit: Illustration by Simon Letch

I know what you’re going through. A footy-kicking kid moved into the property directly behind me: a house with two trees near my back fence, tragically shaped exactly like footy posts. Approximately 700 times a week, this kid would kick his footy into my yard, then hoist his head over the fence and yell, “EXCUUUSE MEEEEEE, CAN I GET MY BALL?!” until I’d come out and kick it back sometimes so badly it would fly sideways into my other neighbour’s backyard and I’d have to hoist my head over their fence and yell, “EXCUUUUUSE MEEEEEEE, CAN I GET THE BALL?!”

It was breaking my brain. Like you, I tried asking the kid to kick the ball in a different direction, and he called me a four-eyed wiener (I couldn’t argue with that; he won that one). I tried discussing it with his parents and they accused me of trying to stop children from engaging in the healthy pursuit of outdoor sport (I couldn’t argue with that; they won that one).

But I found a solution that may work for you: Section Nine of the Fences Act 1968.

I politely told my neighbours that any property owner who causes damage to a dividing fence must cover the repair costs – and the fence was getting wonky from excessive ball-kicking and head-hoisting. Government legislation saved me: the footy-kicking stopped, the footy trees got lopped, the footy kid quit footy (I won that one!). Then he took up basketball, bouncing the ball in his driveway, right outside my office window, approximately 4000 times an hour.

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