By Jordan Baker
Charlotte was loved. For many years, it had just been her and her single mum, Kelly. When Kelly met Mat six years ago, Charlotte had another person in her corner. A few years ago, she asked if she could call him Dad. “Technically, I am stepdad, but I was Dad from the first day I met Kelly and Charlotte,” Mat said.
Like many parents, Mat and Kelly didn’t know what to do about the issues 12-year-old Charlotte said she faced in the playground at her Sydney private girls’ school. The problems had begun about eight months after she started in year 5. “They’d be there, then they’d go away, and then be there,” said Mat.
“Friends one day, not friends the next. She had really, really big emotions, and for a little girl with these emotions, it was really difficult for her.”
Sydney school student Charlotte, aged 12, took her own life.
They spoke to the school and took her to a doctor, who described what Charlotte was experiencing as harassment.
Charlotte’s parents were thinking about moving her at the end of the term, which finishes this Friday. “That will riddle us with guilt forever,” Mat said. “You can never know, and we didn’t, but it doesn’t change how we feel – if only we had moved her.
“Then, on the other side, though, you ask – why should we have to move her? Why aren’t the issues addressed at the school? We would always say to her, ‘If they don’t want to be your friends, they don’t have to’. But it steps up when they go out of their way to make someone’s life miserable.”
Charlotte with her little brother Will.
Charlotte took her own life two weeks ago and cited bullying in one of her farewell notes. She was in year 7. She asked for her story to be told. Mat said he did not blame Charlotte’s friends but wanted schools to redouble their efforts to stamp out bullying.
“I have no ill will towards these girls,” he said. “Not for a second do I think they would have thought that this would have been the outcome.
“The reason I’m telling her story is I’m telling it to the adults. I’m telling it to all the schools out there; you have a responsibility of care of children. When we give our kids to you, you need to make sure they come home having felt supported and loved at that school.”
Paulina Skerman, the principal of Charlotte’s school, Santa Sabina, wrote to the community over the weekend, saying she was concerned about allegations of bullying at the school. “Such claims are extremely serious and are being treated as such,” she said.
She urged parents to make any complaints through formal channels. “It adds nothing to make such claims the subject of gossip, and speculation at this time is hurtful and unnecessary,” she said.
Mat said the family had raised the issue with the school many times, but it had been treated like typical adolescent playground dynamics.
“The onus was always on Charlotte to do better,” he said. “She had to get a medical clearance to come back to school. We felt there was never enough attention on what was causing her to feel this distress.”
Charlotte cited bullying in her farewell note.
Mat said he was concerned about the general level of bullying faced by Australian students and said more care was taken to protect adults from such behaviour than children.
Some schools’ responses were better than others, he said, but having a bullying policy meant little if it was not acted upon.
“Things that may have been acceptable in the past in the workplace for the right reasons are not acceptable now, and they’re dealt with swiftly,” he said. “Why wouldn’t we want to do the same thing for our kids, who, in many instances, will be far more vulnerable than us?
“This is about taking accountability. It’s not about blame. It’s about change. I just want that her memory not be swept under the carpet. She was too important to us for that.”
Skerman said last week that the claims about the circumstances leading to Charlotte’s death were inconsistent with the school’s records.
Risk factors
In 2023, some 936 people in NSW took their own lives. Twenty-three of them were under 18. Of those, nine were girls and 14 were boys. On average, suicide has claimed about 26 minors a year since the NSW Suicide Monitoring System was introduced in 2020.
Experts say the most common risk factors for youth suicide are a mental health condition or a physical disability, but bullying, family problems and grief are also risk factors. It is rare that only one factor is at play.
Marc Bryant, executive director of strategy and development at Mental Health First Aid International, said suicide should be discussed openly to fight the stigma and shame that stops vulnerable people asking for help or friends and family from reaching out to people at risk.
“It’s important to have conversations,” Bryant said. “And it’s important those conversations are safe.” Unsafe conversations involve romanticisation or too much detail.
The reasons people took their own lives were complex, as many factors usually contributed, he said. Often, there was a long period of psychological distress that involved suicidal ideation, but a particular situation could trigger them to act.
“Men and young people are prone to those situations – it can be a relationship breakdown, it can be conflict in the workplace or in the school,” Bryant said. “Things like bullying, while on its own might not lead someone to act on suicide, if someone is already at risk of suicide, those situations can trigger impulsivity.”
Support is available through Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800, Beyond Blue on 1300 224 636, Lifeline on 13 11 14, Sane on 1800 187 263, and Dolly’s Dream on 0488 881 033.
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