I’m in my 30s and can’t afford property. Am I a financial failure?

I’m in my 30s and I don’t have a property, nor am I anywhere close to being able to afford one. I have the basics down – I’m good at saving, I’ve fixed up my superannuation, I don’t overspend, but on a single income I find it difficult to save enough for a property.

I have many negative feelings about my finances – feeling like I’m failing, like I’m behind, and feeling a bit hopeless about my ability to catch up. This sends me into a lot of procrastination because it’s difficult to keep motivated financially. How can I make progress when it feels hopeless?

Having houses on your mind is common in your 30s, but it’s not the only way to show off your financial prowess.Credit: Simon Letch

The thing I’d encourage you to think about is – why is owning a property your benchmark for financial success? Where did you get the idea that that’s what you should have by now, and if you don’t, you’re somehow behind?

Yes, that idea is normalised. But the point I’m trying to make is that you have a choice in how much you buy into that idea.

Firstly, it sounds like you’re comparing yourself to others based on what you see they have, without knowing what their financial situation is. So much of what we think financial success means or looks like are just ideas we’ve picked up from what we see around us, but are not good measures of financial success.

You can buy a property – and yet, know nothing about investing, superannuation or how to manage your finances in general. You can have the flashy lifestyle – and yet have crippling debt. This makes it easy to look a lot more financially successful than you are.

This might all sound like I’m just trying to convince you to not care as much, and that’s absolutely what I’m trying to do.

If you’ve got all the other aspects of your financial foundation in order (good savings system, superannuation sorted, some investments outside super), you might be well ahead of many people you see who have a property, but are a bit of a financial mess.

Secondly, there are many paths to financial success. Property is just one asset class. You can be financially successful without ever purchasing property.

What long-term financial security really boils down to is – do you own enough assets to adequately cover your living expenses? You can start to build that financial security outside property by investing (either inside or outside superannuation).

This can also help you fast-track your ability to save up for a property in the future because typically, your investments will grow faster over time than leaving your money in a savings account.

So if you’ve been trying to save your way to buying a home, that will feel like a slow and potentially futile process. However, investing can help you fast-track that over time.

This also has advantages. You can “rent-vest” (rent while investing elsewhere), which gives you more freedom in terms of mobility than homeownership might. That mobility can lend itself to opportunities that are harder for home-owners to take – moving interstate or overseas for job opportunities, travelling while working remotely and so on.

This might all sound like I’m just trying to convince you to not care as much, and that’s absolutely what I’m trying to do. Why? Because what I want you to notice is how your focus on something that feels unattainable might be holding you back.

Goals can be great … until they’re not. The thing that was once meant to inspire you can become something that starts to demotivate you. It becomes a constant reminder of how far you are, what you don’t have, and how impossible the road feels.

You aren’t present to all the other opportunities right in front of you because all you can see is the one that feels out of reach. The journey starts to feel heavy, “choresome”, impossible. It’s enough for someone to think – well, why bother trying?

But the person who isn’t fixated on a goal that feels totally unreachable? Maybe they’re just excited to sell some stuff on Facebook marketplace for an extra $500 this week. Maybe they’re just excited to buy their first ETF while the market is still down.

Maybe they’re excited to work towards a promotion or higher-paying job. There are countless smaller milestones that could be exciting for someone who isn’t focused on the one big milestone that feels totally out of reach.

Ironically, the second person is more likely to reach that seemingly impossible goal by not focusing on it quite so much because they will not be slowed down by negative emotion.

The best part? When they get there, they’ll probably enjoy it a lot more too – because they’ve celebrated all the little wins along the way, instead of waiting until they achieved the one milestone society has deemed worthy of – posting a photo on Instagram with a “Sold” sign.

Paridhi Jain is founder of SkilledSmart, which helps adults learn to manage, save and invest money through financial education courses and classes.

• Advice given in this article is general in nature and not intended to influence readers’ decisions about investing or financial products. They should always seek their own professional advice that takes into account their own personal circumstances before making any financial decisions.

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