‘I felt very out of control’: Lanning reveals reason for early retirement

Australian cricket’s most decorated captain Meg Lanning has revealed the unhealthy relationship with food and exercise that led to her retirement from international cricket aged just 31.

In an interview for the Howie Games podcast, Lanning opened up for the first time about a private struggle she did not share with teammates nor even family for long periods, even though her weight loss from “over exercising and under fuelling” was visible to many.

Meg Lanning announces her retirement at the MCG in November.Credit: Getty

Lanning played in seven winning World Cup campaigns and was captain for six. She first took a break from the game following the team’s gold medal in the 2022 Commonwealth Games in Birmingham. She then returned for yet another World Cup triumph – in South Africa early last year – before withdrawing from the squad for the 2023 Ashes tour and finally announcing her international retirement late last year.

The decision around the Ashes, made shortly before the start of the tour and leaving the captaincy in the hands of Alyssa Healy, was reached jointly by Lanning and Cricket Australia medical staff, including the women’s national team doctor and psychologist.

“I was over exercising and under fuelling. I got to the point where I was doing about 85-90km a week. I was in denial. It became a bit of ‘I am going to show you’ sort of thing,” Lanning told Mark Howard. “It sort of just spiralled. I was not in a place to be able to go on tour and play cricket and give the commitment levels required for that Ashes series mentally and physically.

“I am naturally fine spending time with myself but there were very few people who I would want to engage with. I would get really snappy – real moody – if anyone asked anything. I got down to 57kg from 64kg. It wasn’t ridiculous [but it was] significant. The ratios were out of whack. I did not realise [it affected] my ability to concentrate. I didn’t really want to see other people. I disengaged a lot from friends and family.”

“It [running] became a bit of an obsession. I could escape mentally. I would throw the headphones in but would not take my phone with me. I would have my Apple watch with me and listen to music. Nobody could contact me.”

Asked whether she had an eating disorder, Lanning replied: “It was not labelled that but I was exercising a lot but not eating enough to fuel that – I was a bit out of whack. I felt very out of control in terms of what my future looked like. If it’s not cricket, what does life look like if I am not playing?

“How could I not want to travel the world and play cricket? That doesn’t make any sense.”

Lanning said she felt teammates were aware she was struggling, particularly in terms of her appearance but also how grumpy she became.

“I think they knew something was up,” she said. “I couldn’t see anything in my appearance but [others] could see it. And everything that comes with it. You become grumpy. Not talking to many people. Not being able to concentrate. Not sleeping. Your head just goes round and round and it’s not a nice place to be.

“I dreaded night-time because I knew I would go to bed and not be able to sleep. That would make me so mad. I would just get more angry with myself. If you can’t sleep you can’t do anything.

“I’ve learnt that regardless of who you are there is always something happening. I guess I have realised how much telling to people and letting them know can actually help even if they don’t have an answer.”

Ben Oliver, CA’s high-performance chief, insisted that the mental health of players was a top priority for the governing body, and expressed gladness that Lanning now felt comfortable to share her story, which had become known to a small circle of individuals within Australian cricket for some time.

“Meg has been an incredible contributor to Australian cricket and we are pleased she felt comfortable sharing her challenges,” Oliver said. “The physical and mental wellbeing of our players, support staff and all those working in cricket is a priority for Cricket Australia.

“We are confident the measures put around our teams including doctors, psychologists, physiotherapists, physical performance coaches and dieticians provides a high level of support for players who may experience challenges during their careers.”

If you or anyone you know needs help, call SANE on 1800 187 263 (and see sane.org), Lifeline on 13 11 14 (and see lifeline.org.au) or Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 (and see beyondblue.org.au).

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