This was published 6 months ago
Opinion
Vanishing act: Why is the palace hiding Princess Kate?
Kate Halfpenny
Regular columnistI hate to kick anyone while they’re down, but geez, Kensington Palace has had centuries to get the messaging right and yet, it’s flubbed its lines royally over the Princess of Wales’ ongoing vanishing act.
A bit of housekeeping first: yep, when Kate’s abdominal surgery was announced in January I vowed to not poke around in what ails her. Instead, spare online time was dedicated to failing to find Wardrobe NYC’s Hailey Bieber track pants on sale and choosing another paint by numbers kit.
The long absence of Kate, Princess of Wales, has resulted in a great deal of speculation. Credit: AP
It proves me fickle, but the vow is broken. Once conspiracy theories crept from gossipy web corners to become a news story for the likes of Forbes – albeit one with overtones of haystack-haired villagers marching on the Beast’s castle with flaming pikes – it was time to revisit.
It turns out that it’s Prince William’s fault. Or rather his last-minute withdrawal from the February memorial service for his godfather King Constantine of Greece for a “personal matter”.
A loaf of bread knows royals don’t have personal matters, let alone one that sparks a staggering breach of protocol. William is by birth a clockwork creature of fealty. Wind him up, off he goes, where and when he’s told. There’s nothing last-minute in the world of the Waleses, only obligations scheduled a year ahead.
Two days before her death, Queen Elizabeth did a photo call with new PM Liz Truss. Duty first. So William’s unprecedented bunking off created speculation it was connected to his wife’s health.
For mine, maybe the poor bloke just woke thinking, “the kids are driving me batshit crazy, my brother’s tricky but I miss him, Dad has cancer and I can’t windsurf with Kate”. Needed a sickie.
But secrets love shadows, and the public’s appetite for respecting Kate’s privacy request cracked. We pay for her high life, we want to see her. Wheel her out or our curiosity could turn toxic.
Such was the Kate hunger that a single plea on social media site X got 2.3 million views: “Can the Swifties who spend all their time hunting for Easter eggs with the fervour of Jake Gyllenhaal hunting the Zodiac Killer … figure out where Kate Middleton is?”
A Spanish TV host claimed a palace source said the princess had been put into a coma because of surgery complications. Other theories say she’s growing out a bad fringe, transitioning, has legged it with serial pants man Pete Davidson. Is filming The Masked Singer. Was in the same hospital at the same time as King Charles because she was roped in to donate a kidney. Oh, and she’s dead.
It feels no coincidence that just as the palace said they weren’t engaging with goss, Kate is spotted being driven by mum Carole Middleton on a proof-of-life lap around the royal block. No wonder she looked grim. Talk about a gilded cage.
Who would be a royal? What a punish. Stonking wealth and fame, but you can’t go shopping, out for dinner, on a normal holiday. Wear messy eyeliner or a mini, get trolleyed seeing a band, visit a clairvoyant.
Any of us who’ve had seven layers of stomach tissue cut through during caesarean sections knows it doesn’t tickle, but you immediately have to feed a baby and be back running a house in a week. Unless you’re an AFL player, nobody is getting two months off work with the role kept open, so Kate’s health issues are clearly serious – but so is what the palace is facing here.
It’s failing high-profile PR 101 at a delicate post-Andrew and Sussexes time when the paying public wants value for money, but Team Royals is decimated by illness and/or ennui.
Question for the comms team: is protecting your most marketable, valuable asset backfiring and making Kate even more hunted? Worse, making her into memes?
Let’s see a phone snap of her in a dressing gown playing Uno with the kids while William dishes up spag bol. Then we can all keep calm and carry on. Including Kate.
Kate Halfpenny is the founder of Bad Mother Media.
The Opinion newsletter is a weekly wrap of views that will challenge, champion and inform your own. Sign up here.