What Couples Therapy Australia can teach us about our relationships

Marryam Chehelnabi, the star of Paramount’s new docu-series Couples Therapy Australia, a local remake of the American program that peeks in on the counselling sessions of ordinary people (as opposed to the 2012 celebrity version), is something of an enigma.

For the sake of her clients, she intends to keep it that way. In the series she is filmed, as per the US format, strolling thoughtfully through the inner Sydney streets on her way to her practice, and unpicking her work with her clinical supervisor, Lea Crisante. But that is as much as we are likely to see of Chehelnabi outside her consulting room.

Psychologist Marryam Chehelnabi counsels couples in the compelling Couples Therapy Australia.Credit:

“I’m a psychotherapist. I’m not a TV personality,” Chehelnabi says. “Even though there’s a lot of interest generated [in me], I can’t betray the clients that way. The information that a therapist provides about themselves can really change the dynamics that are available in a professional setting … It can be quite a contamination when you start to talk about personal lives and opinions and experiences. So, ethically, I keep that material very separate.”

She considers the series more of a “community service” than entertainment. Impressed by the “ethos and the quality of the production team and crew”, and pleased that hidden cameras negated physical intrusion, Chehelnabi recognised an opportunity to convey the benefits of relationship counselling to Australians.

“Culturally, we are private people. It’s not like perhaps in other cultures, where we’re maybe taught to speak our mind and stand up and say what we really think. [Australians] tend to be more private and shy of vocalising some things. For Australians to see other Australians opening up and sharing what is typically incredibly private, maybe this show can spark conversations and reduce the stigma associated with people getting help.”

She won’t comment on the couples seeking treatment in the series, other than to say that their issues are far from unique. Like many mental health professionals, she has noticed an increase in demand for her services since the start of the pandemic.

“COVID had a negative impact on mental health, broadly speaking, in our communities. Certainly with relationships, there was added pressure due to some of the regular coping strategies that we have available to us being removed through periods of lockdown – people unable to go out or socialise or go to the gym … Addiction is one of the issues that people find themselves navigating, and I think the show gives viewers a lovely cross-section of the types of things that most of us face.”

Trained in the Gottman Method of couples therapy developed by American psychologists John and Julie Gottman, Chehelnabi employs a “synthesis of different modalities”.

“Fundamentally, it’s a client-centred approach. It’s evidence-based, interpersonal. We call it psychodynamics, and it’s also a bit like a bio-psychosocial framework.”

While she enjoys helping people salvage their relationships, Chehelnabi does not see separations as failure.

“I don’t think therapy is that linear or black-and-white. Successes and failures are determined by the individual in terms of what they’re seeking. It’s lovely when couples do navigate their challenges and come through the other side. But I also can see the value in helping couples navigate whatever their goals are. For some, having the third person in the room, a professional that can help them navigate different conversations that may or may not relate to separation, is exactly what they need.”

Emotions run high in the series.

“I think you’ll see the beautiful unfolding and holding that happens in the clinical setting. It’s real therapy, and it unfolds moment to moment, and it’s been an honour and privilege to be a part of it. I hope that viewers can see that maybe they’re not alone. Relationships can be tricky, and it’s OK to reach out for help. You don’t have to wait until your relationship is in a really terrible place or on the rocks before accessing support. There is help out there.”

Couples Therapy Australia begins July 26 on Paramount+.

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