Jake Carlisle ponders the question. If Danny Frawley was still with us, what would his message be for you?
“You’ve got one shot. This is the back-end of my career. I’ve got to make the most of it. This could be my last year,” said Carlisle this week ahead of Saturday night’s game between St Kilda and Melbourne, which aims to raise funds for and awareness of men’s mental health issues.
Danny Frawley chaired off after his last game in 1995.Credit: Getty Images
Carlisle, 29, is out of the Saints’ team, with coach Brett Ratten preferring first-year backman Tom Highmore to start the season, even in the absence of Frawley’s nephew James.
But having forged a relationship during Frawley’s time as a part-time defensive specialist coach at the Saints, a bond strengthened through the fact Carlisle was wearing the former captain’s old No. 2, Carlisle remains inspired by Frawley, even 18 months after his shock death.
“He’d be sitting here saying, ‘Don’t make it your last.’ He’d pump me up as to why and say what you need to work on. He’d say make sure you enjoy it but at the same time do what’s right for you and your family.”
On Saturday night, at least 75 of Frawley’s former teammates - including the notoriously reclusive Tony Lockett - will gather to watch the game at Marvel Stadium and support the Spud’s Game: Time 2 Talk initiative.
“He wouldn’t do it for anyone else,” says Tony Brown of Lockett’s commitment to make the trek from Bowral for the event.
This week at Moorabbin, Brown - the former St Kilda player and now player development and welfare manager at the club - sat down with Carlisle and Saints assistant coach Aaron Hamill to remember their mate “Spud”.
The chat had extra special significance on a couple of fronts. All three men had worked closely with Frawley, and all three had worn the No. 2 jumper for the Saints.
Jake Carlisle, Aaron Hamill and Tony Brown with their No. 2 jumpers.Credit: Jason South
Unsurprisingly, there was no shortage of laughter in the room.
Brown reminisced about a pre-season camp in his first year at the club, ahead of the 1995 season that would prove to be Frawley’s playing swansong.
The captain was a “menace”, according to Brown, waking everyone up by throwing a big rock on the roof, and then raising the ire of coach Stan Alves by rolling a coin along a basketball court on which everyone was trying to rest.
And as Brown points out, the same could be said of Frawley more than two decades later, at another pre-season camp with next-generation Saints such as Hunter Clark and Nick Coffield. They were out in a boat with Frawley and modern captain Jarryn Geary, with Geary left in stitches by some of Frawley’s antics.
Hamill thinks back to all the phone conversations he had with Frawley.
“I just remember laughing so hard on the phone. I remember my wife said, ‘I’ve never heard you laugh so much on a phone call other than when Spud rings you.’ Either it was 6am, 11pm, just before the bounce, whenever it was. ‘Feathers, how are ya?!’ ”
Frawley was a fountain of energy. Hamill and Brown chuckle about the time Frawley tackled the club’s sprint coach in a drill. The coach apparently didn’t come back.
“He was a hurricane. He’d come in at 7am, turn the joint upside down and then piss off by lunchtime. Or he’d go off to the driving range for an hour and then come back. And a lot of that has gone from footy now,” Hamill said.
Danny Frawley as Richmond coach.Credit: Getty Images
“He had a really good knack of lightening the moment, particularly if his opening line was able to get a laugh from everyone that was it. Off he’d go for 10 minutes.
“We looked forward to when he was on the bike early because we’d top his water bottle up with some Morning Fresh. So he had the nickname ‘Bubbles’ for a while there.”
Frawley would get his own back by changing phone numbers in culprits’ phones.
Carlisle became close with Frawley through 2016 in which the former was suspended for his involvement in the Essendon supplements saga.
For whatever reason, Frawley always had Carlisle’s back.
As a coach he could be a pest, but there was a lot of wisdom too.
“He was full of beans. He brought life to whether it was a craft session, or a main training. If someone did absolutely horrendous he’d let them know about it. But he just had a good balance of taking the piss, mucking around but when he was serious he was serious. At times you didn’t know if it was 7am if you were going to get absolutely funny Spud, where it was going to be cruisy, or it’s going to be an absolute ear massage, shit fight,” Carlisle said.
“What was funny was when he would show examples and he’d always get someone as a guinea pig and he’d just come in and just smack them until they fall over.”
He would look to encourage players to adopt some defensive techniques from yesteryear.
Danny Frawley, centre, with the Saints.Credit: Patrick Scala
“When he’d go through vision he would constantly show stuff where you just had to pull him up and say ,‘You can’t do that any more.’
“For me previously, those previous six years spent at Essendon was serious, serious, serious. I feel like with him he just sort of had that balance.”
Carlisle added that it was important all new St Kilda players were imbued with a sense of who Frawley was, and that plenty of his defensive tricks would still bob up at training.
Brown says Frawley was always looking for ways to make the club better, including nurturing the St Kilda past players’ group.
As a player in 1995 he had set the tone for a group of St Kilda youngsters who would go on to make a grand final two years later.
“He trained as hard as Robert Harvey,” Brown said.
Behind the jovial and passionate face was a man battling inner turmoil in a tale that would end tragically.
Brown remembers Frawley opening up about his issues.
“It’s got better but it’s still got a long way to go with men asking for help.”
Tony Brown
“He had a stint in his second year back here where he had a month off. He went to a facility in WA and got some treatment. When he returned to us, he grabbed all the footy staff and took us into the match committee room and opened up about what he’d just done and been through and how it had helped him and how he’d put things in place to assist him. He was always trying to get better,” Brown said.
“Since his passing, certainly the awareness you can be vulnerable and chat about things - I know that’s what Saturday night’s all about. Make sure you check in on a mate and see he’s all right. I obviously spend a lot of time in the car, Moorabbin down to Barwon Heads, I make calls all the way home and I check in on players, parents but also a few of my mates who I know are doing it tough.
“It’s got better but it’s still got a long way to go with men asking for help.”
So what can be learnt from Frawley’s life and death?
“Respect was a big thing with him,” Brown said. “If you’re going to do something, do it properly. Don’t do it half-hearted. That was always his message. He hosted a first-year camp we had. He bought out a guernsey and he got all emotional, saying, ‘You get one opportunity, you get one crack at it,’” Brown said.
For Hamill, who misses Frawley’s early-morning mid-bike ride visits, which at one stage led Hamill’s daughter to liken Frawley to Shrek because of the hulking figure in green lycra in front of her, Frawley’s legacy should be summed up in two words.
“Perspective and listen. And if you think you’ve listened enough, listen again,” Hamill said.
“My greatest and dearest memory of him was how he made you feel.”
Crisis support can be found at Lifeline: (13 11 14 and lifeline.org.au), the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467 and suicidecallbackservice.org.au) and Beyond Blue (1300 22 4636 and beyondblue.org.au)