The controversial dating app hack 400,000 Australians have tried

When Roman Khaves noticed he and his single male friends had taken to sharing screenshots of potential matches on dating apps and asking one another for ideas of good openers or witty responses, he wondered if their behaviour was “kind of strange”.

But conversations with female friends confirmed that, actually, everyone was workshopping how best to craft messages and replies.

The use of AI and ChatGPT to write messages in dating is on the rise. In Australia alone, more than 400,000 people have already downloaded AI dating assistant app RIZZ.Credit: Marija Ercegovac

Still, the now 34-year-old New Yorker thought there must be a smarter way to brainstorm dating app replies than talking to friends who weren’t professional dating coaches and might not be available to answer burning questions at 2am.

When ChatGPT debuted to the public in 2022, Khaves saw an opportunity. Within a week, he had leveraged its technology to launch RIZZ, an AI dating assistant app, alongside co-founder Josh Miller.

The “AI wingman” has since become the fifth most downloaded dating app in the United States, with 7.5 million users worldwide; 400,000 people have downloaded it in Australia, consistently ranking it in the top 10 most downloaded dating apps this year.

RIZZ is one of a growing number of apps which feed into the movement of people using AI to speak for and advise them, Cyrano-style, in their love lives. But while using ChatGPT to brainstorm ideas or draft a sensitive email has been normalised in the workplace, the technology’s entrance into the world of romance has given some “the ick”.

Romantic or creepy?

On social media platforms such as Reddit, people have expressed horror at AI’s use in a romantic context, while others have noted how helpful it may be for those with trouble communicating.

When asked about the ethics of using AI-generated messages, Australian dating experts and psychologists offer a mixed response.

Sex and relationship therapist Lucille Shackleton says AI-generated messages could be a useful learning tool for people who struggle to communicate.Credit:

While it might have negative potential, they say, it could be of enormous benefit to people with social anxiety or who are neurodivergent, as well as those new to online dating.

Relationship therapist Lucille Shackleton says she often hears of people using AI while getting to know potential dates. She thinks it can be a helpful resource for those nervous about communication, saying it’s important to “make information yours”, not just copy and paste responses.

“People don’t necessarily get taught communication and conflict management skills in school – or in life, really – so I think once people get into dating and relationships, they look for information, and sometimes that comes through accessing things like ChatGPT.”

Evita March, a Federation University psychology professor who researches online behaviour, says she doesn’t think using AI to generate messages counts as catfishing, which involves an intention to deceive, depending on how often and how long someone uses it.

“The point of online dating is to eventually meet face-to-face and see if you click,” she says, adding that all online interaction allows us to mask, or be less “authentic” than in real life.

How does it work?

AI is used to craft personalised messages or replies to someone on a dating platform. On RIZZ, users post a screenshot of a dating profile or conversation; suggested replies or messages are instantly generated. These suggestions aim to help users separate themselves from the sea of “Hey, how are you?” or “How was your weekend?” messages that users often get from new matches.

Khaves says while the app is “not perfect”, it can alter strategies, depending on the duration of the budding connection. Twenty-five per cent of new users are already in a relationship, using the app to suggest date ideas.

Khaves claims that RIZZ can even help users “un-ghost” themselves when someone doesn’t respond.

What are the risks?

March says while AI’s arrival on the dating scene might creep some people out, she doesn’t see a real distinction between using it and “your garden variety pickup lines” or Googling a potential partner’s interests.

However, Jessica Blower, a psychology lecturer at the University of the Sunshine Coast, says AI could be a dangerous tool for someone high on the Narcissism continuum, allowing them to pitch themselves as a perfect partner or potential soulmate.

“Once they’ve attracted their target, they go into this cycle where they actually start to devalue their target to boost their own sense of self,” she says.

The new Australian online dating safety code, which came into effect in October, doesn’t include specific provisions about AI-generated messages. The code, part of efforts to address a rise in gender-based violence and abuse, requires dating apps to detect and report online-enabled harm. (In line with other dating apps, the majority of RIZZ’s users – about 65 per cent – are men.)

Khaves insists that RIZZ aims to give a “boost of confidence”, not replace human connection. He says in the face of dating app fatigue, RIZZ offers a circuit breaker.

“People today are just swiping endlessly, and they’re not seeing results,” he says.

“‘Hey, how are you?’ just doesn’t cut it any more.”

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