Matt Agnew: ‘I am grateful that Abbie [Chatfield] remains a part of my life’

Matt Agnew is an astrophysicist best known for starring in The Bachelor in 2019. Here, the 37-year-old shares how his mum has influenced his studies and career, his first celebrity crush and his current relationship status.

“I’ve experienced lots of rumours about my relationship status... Now, I just ignore the stories.”Credit: Simon Schluter

I have no memories of my grandmothers. My maternal grandmother, Flora, died before I was born, and my paternal grandmother, Charlotte, died before I was two.

My mother, Karen, is the most brilliant woman in my life. She is a nerd like me and has been hugely influential. She did a bachelor’s degree in pure mathematics. When I was doing my first degree, I majored in applied mathematics and did one year of pure mathematics. I couldn’t get my head around it. Knowing that she’d excelled reiterated how smart she is.

In year 4, when I had to do a school project and didn’t know what to do, Mum suggested the NASA Pathfinder mission to Mars. The two-page spread in the Adelaide Advertiser captured my imagination and planted the seeds for my space trajectory.

Mum has unconditionally loved and supported me, particularly during my challenges with mental illness. I live in Melbourne and she lives in Adelaide, but I speak to her most days. When I’m walking my dog, Pluto, I give her a buzz to hear how she’s doing.

My sister, Amelia, is one year younger than me. When we were kids I did things that irritated her, like taking her toys – I thought we were having fun, but it turned out that wasn’t the case. We’ve always been close. Amelia lives in Tasmania and I visit her several times a year.

I was quiet and anxious as a teenager. When we moved from Perth to Adelaide, I had a hard time adjusting and started seeing a psychologist when I was 12. I was studious at school but had lost the extroversion I had as a kid.

My first celebrity crush was Sandra Bullock in The Net. In my teens, it was Cameron Diaz in The Mask. Both of these women are still gorgeous.

I went on dates in high school but I didn’t have a girlfriend until I was about 22. I met Lauren in Perth, where I worked as an engineer after completing my double degree. Lauren was from America and was finishing her mechanical engineering degree. Having done work experience at NASA, she had realistic aspirations to work there. We connected immediately over our mutual passion for space.

We were together for about a year while she was in Australia. Then we did the long-distance thing but hit an impasse as I wasn’t sure how to get a US work visa – by then she was working at NASA. I like to have an amicable conclusion to these things, and seeing her successful in her dream job makes me happy.

When I went on The Bachelor, I had been single for a year or two. I was serious about finding lasting love. Ultimately it didn’t work out, but I met some wonderful people in the process, like [contestant] Abbie Chatfield. She is incredibly intelligent and witty. The wonderful discussions we had about our interests and passions didn’t go to air, so the brilliant person she is was not revealed.

During the series, Abbie copped a lot of vitriol. It’s been wonderful to see her shine, particularly with her podcast, where she talks about being sex positive and addresses difficult issues around women’s rights. I am grateful that Abbie remains a part of my life.

I’ve experienced lots of rumours about my relationship status. There was a period where, if I attended an event with a friend, such as [Real Housewives of Melbourne star] Kyla Kirkpatrick, it was assumed we were dating. Now, I just ignore the stories.

I am currently dating. We are still getting to know each other and I hope it works out.

I have written a book for kids about AI, which is going to be in all aspects of their lives. In terms of their generation’s future relationships, AI will be further integrated into dating apps. I also think there will be more AI companions.

Movements like “man sober”, in which women avoid dating men, are emerging. AI will fuel such movements because of the non-physical fulfilment an AI companion can provide. While these companions could address loneliness, human-to-human contact is important to who we are, and AI can’t reproduce that yet.

Is My Phone Reading My Mind? (Allen & Unwin) by Dr Matt Agnew is out now.

Get the best of Sunday Life magazine delivered to your inbox every Sunday morning. Sign up here for our free newsletter.