I was at the airport and did the opposite of the Let Them theory – I have no regrets

Now the paint-by-numbers fever dream has left me and there may be no more Mission Impossible films to look forward to, I’ve been trying to find the next diversion to get me through winter. And I think I’m onto something.

Or rather, my friend Amy is. She lives in Boston, has great teeth a great sense of humour and, it turns, out, great life hacks. Watching her two sons’ ice hockey practice session, Amy complained to another mum about how her bust is so big that her bra straps cut divots in her shoulders.

Who says you need to chop off your hair just because White Lotus star Leslie Bibb did?Credit: Wolter Peeters

The friend was bemused. Said she never wears a bra, especially in winter when you have on five layers. Asked why Amy would ever wear one unless meeting the bank manager.

The conversation spurred Amy to do two things. First, abandon a bra unless she’s working out. Second, ask why it took her until she was 40 to question doing something every day which she hated.

Now, she asks, “Who says?” when making decisions. Who says you have to wear a wretched undergarment just to create a pleasing silhouette? Who says you have to have porridge if you want pancakes?

It’s the opposite to Mel Robbins’ popular Let Them theory about letting go of the need to control others. You’re letting go of others controlling you!

So, I’ve been trying the Who Says game – starting small, but it’s addictive. Who says heels are out? Who says you have to chop off your hair because Leslie Bibb did? Who says Steve Winwood is daggy?

Who says you can’t be sexy AF staring down 60 or super happy wearing comfy elastic waist pants? Who says we need a 10-step skincare routine and to move out of the way of bigger people on the footpath?

Who says you can’t have a bath in the middle of the day or that we need to lose our minds over menopause? Who says you can’t order dessert before the main? That you have to buy the same brand of flour your mum did and reply to texts immediately?

Who says you can’t say no to the school parent group chat when it’s making you feel stabby? Who says you have to manage other people’s expectations at the expense of your own sanity? That you need to give five stars to the Uber driver who drove like a poorly handled marionette?

You should give it a crack. It’s not like it was when you were a 14-year-old baby rebel, clomping around saying “who says I have to?” when parents were dishing out orders.

It’s not about dissing anyone or being a dick or abandoning social norms. It’s about trying to work out why you’re following rules set by faceless nameless authority figures.

The beauty of “Who Says?” is it exposes how many of our daily choices aren’t really choices. They’re habits we’ve inherited from a collective consciousness that nobody can actually identify.

The invisible committee who decided jeans after 40 should be “flattering”. The phantom board that ruled it’s quasi-illegal to not care for acai bowls. The voice in your head that isn’t actually yours, that makes you wax, wear Spanx, drink beer and answer emails at midnight because it’s what “people do”.

This week I was self-service scanning mini Toblerones at an airport newsagent. On the checkouts either side? Essendon footballers, getting snacks before their Perth flight. Cool – my boys.

But saying hi to people you don’t know isn’t cool. I once dissuaded Mum from fronting broadcaster and singer Denis Walter at a Chinese restaurant in Geelong. Now, who says? So I bailed up 2025 rookie Angus Clarke, a 19-year-old from rural South Australia whose live interview after his debut made fabulous viewing.

As a kid, Angus said, he funded footy trips by chopping wood in a loop — footy, chop wood, school, working on the family farm.

The work ethic slayed me. I told Angus he’s a ripper, he crouched down for a photo with the random old duck. Despite looking all squinty with excitement, I could not be more rapt with the shot unless Two Metre Peter was in it too.

And if anyone watching had a problem? Who says I have to give a fat rat’s?

Kate Halfpenny is the founder of Bad Mother Media. Her new book, Boogie Wonderland, is published by Affirm Press.

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