From the ‘gutters of Hinge’ to city of love: Aussies are dating through their holidays

When Helen Chik matched with a New Yorker on Bumble before her US vacation, she wasn’t expecting much. But by the end of her 10-day trip, she had spent nearly every day with him, going to local haunts and learning everything there was to know about the Big Apple.

“I always say, ‘nothing ventured, nothing gained’,” says the 34-year-old content creator and author of Sex, Swipes & Other Stories. “[Dating abroad] is new, it’s something different to what you’re otherwise used to. And coupled with being in a foreign city, it just makes everything more exciting.”

This was not a one-off for Sydney-based Chik, who has been on dates around the world, including in Paris and Shanghai. “I’m still friendly with most of my dates who I’ve met from travels,” she says. “I actually met my first husband in Shanghai, and we did long-distance for six months.”

“Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” Helen Chik has been on dates around the world. Credit: Janie Barrett

She isn’t the only one dating across borders. According to Bumble research, one in three users is open to relationships with people who are not living in their current city. In fact, nearly 10 per cent said they actually find it easier to date when in another country. And a recent Tinder survey found 74 per cent of Australian users between 18 and 25 would be interested in befriending a local before going overseas.

So, why are so many people looking beyond Australia for dates, and is it any different from dating locally?

Why is dating abroad so popular now?

It wasn’t until Isabella Jane, a 23-year-old from Sydney, arrived in Paris that she realised how different the dating culture is between France and Australia. And how ready she was for change.

“Dating overseas is a lot easier than in Sydney,” Jane says. “Men overseas seem a lot more forward and flattering. I was getting a lot more attention than I normally would at home. In Sydney, it’s like we’re in the trenches, the gutters of [dating app] Hinge. So, I just thought, ‘why not?’.”

The dates themselves are usually more creative, adds Jasmine, who has chosen a pseudonym for privacy reasons. The 24-year-old from Melbourne has been on dates in France, Italy and the UK. “In Australia, people don’t want to put themselves out there as much. But overseas, they’re usually more willing to put in the effort to try and impress you.”

This essentially means going beyond the “dinner and drink” date. For example, Jane says she was taken for a beach date by a man she met at her hostel in Barcelona.

Dating abroad can lead you to unexpected places, immersing you in the culture in a way that wouldn’t be possible without a local by your side.Credit: iStock

It can also be a great way to immerse yourself in a new culture and see hidden-gem landmarks and restaurants. Jacob, a 24-year-old Sydneysider who dated around the Greek islands this year, says this is especially the case for solo travellers who may not feel as confident to wander beyond tourist hot-spots.

“It gives you insight into what the locals are like,” says Jacob, also going by a pseudonym. “And worst-case scenario, if there isn’t a romantic connection, you’ve enjoyed a conversation with someone you wouldn’t otherwise get to.”

Couples counsellor Mim Kempson says we’re living in a far more globalised world now, with social media eliminating most people’s sense of separation. Paired with the aftermath of COVID-19 lockdowns, this has meant people are more open to expanding their dating pool.

For some, dating abroad is also a way of expanding personal horizons, and developing a sense of confidence in oneself that may not be possible at home, says Sera Bozza, Tinder’s local dating expert and founder of Sideswiped. During a holiday in northern Italy, Bozza began speaking to someone on an app and decided to extend her trip to meet him in London.

“My friends woke up to the funniest flurry of disjointed updates in the morning due to the time difference – ‘I’ve booked!’, ‘Landed in London!’, ‘He’s gorgeous!’. It was hilarious and spontaneous. It was more about how adventurous and bold I was willing to be than about him at all.”

Sera Bozza found that dating overseas helped boost her confidence and spontaneity.

How does it work?

Unlike when she’s in Sydney, Jane says she met most of her overseas dates by chance.

“I was looking at someone in a Paris grocery store, and when I left, he actually ran after me and asked if I’d like to go on a date with him. I was taken aback, nothing like that had happened to me before. It was like something from a movie,” she says.

However, most people tend to use dating apps, largely because they’re easier to use, usually have a higher success rate and are generally safer. In fact, both Tinder and Bumble launched travel features, which allow users to connect with people in any destination. Chantelle Otten, Bumble’s resident sexologist, says many users often connect with people before they go on holiday so they already have connections on arrival.

Things to consider

Romance abroad is thrilling, but Otten says unfamiliar territory also calls for extra caution.

“Plan to meet your date in public, don’t reveal your accommodation address, and let a friend, family or hotel concierge know where you’re headed. Make sure it’s someone in the local time zone, too,” she says. “Be on the lookout for any red-flag behaviour. This could include people who are interested in your financial situation, or in your solo travel status.”

Bozza also recommends managing expectations and being upfront about what you’re after.

“You’re both from different worlds, literally,” she says. “Don’t be surprised if things fade when the trip ends. It’s not always meant to last, and that’s OK. Sometimes, a brief connection is exactly what you need, and can even reinvigorate your excitement for dating back home.”

Kempson says it’s important to look inwards before dating abroad.

“We need to have some level of clarity around what we’re doing it for. Why are we dating? Are we OK with having a deadline on what it could be with someone? We have to know ourselves quite well. It must start with boundaries within ourselves.”

Make the most of your health, relationships, fitness and nutrition with our Live Well newsletter. Get it in your inbox every Monday.