These brides broke one of the last wedding dress taboos. And so did I

To say I impulse bought my wedding dress is no exaggeration. It was 7am, and I’d finished work at midnight the previous night.

Being my second marriage, I wanted to wear something simpler than the lace and beaded extravaganza I had when I was 28. Even so, buying a dress online was never part of the plan, until it was.

Melissa Singer: buying my wedding dress online was never part of the plan.Credit: Meredith O’Shea

The dress, by a popular US designer, ticked so many boxes. As a bonus, it was heavily reduced. I clicked to buy, and held my breath.

While many brides still consider a bespoke gown central to their wedding planning, more women are buying their dresses online – either new or secondhand – for reasons including cost savings and wanting to be an “anti-bride”, a shorthand for a trend towards non-traditional or low-maintenance weddings. Online purchases are also more common in the curvy community, according to several brides who spoke to this masthead.

Jodie Willox, who got married in March, says as a “size 17”, going online was a no-brainer. “I knew what style I wanted, and being a second wedding, I didn’t want it ‘fluffy’,” she says.

Greta Kenyon, founder and editor of Together Journal wedding magazine, says she has observed a marked increase in couples buying their attire online, especially since the pandemic. “The mindset towards online shopping for your wedding has become significantly more receptive,” she says.

Kenyon adds there has been a definite trend towards off-the-rack purchases, especially for brides’ second or “party” looks. “We see a lot of modern and minimal shapes, as well as ensembles, taking cues from what is in fashion,” she says.

But shopping online, especially for a wedding, has some obvious drawbacks. There’s the risk the dress won’t look like the photo or, if it’s on sale, that it can’t be returned.

Tessa-Jay Louis, who owns a PR agency, bought six looks online for her 2023 wedding, including a $2500 Brandon Maxwell mini-dress. But the more dresses she bought, the more confused she got. “The alterations lady was saying [to me], ‘Please stop buying dresses, you’re going to stress yourself out’,” Louis says. “I ended up buying three more [after that] because I was second-guessing myself.”

Like Louis, I was filled with doubt about my dress, right until a few days before the wedding. But unlike some brides, I stuck with my choice, though I did buy a red party dress to change into later. Still, there are some things I’d have done differently, including getting the alterations done sooner, and trying the dress on with a spray tan inside the returns window. In the end, these small things made all the difference, and on the day, I was smitten.

Still, for anyone else thinking of buying their dress online, these brides have some tips to make the process as stress-free as possible.

Hayley Johnson, 34

When her wedding plans changed, Hayley Johnson switched dress tactics.

“I had planned a bespoke dress, but due to the pandemic, our wedding was cancelled. We ended up having 25 people at the town hall, and it was perfect. I wanted to dress like me, and I wanted to dress for the registry. I didn’t want to walk in wearing a ballgown covered in sequins. I went wild on Pinterest, where I discovered the brand of my eventual dress, Rime Arodaky, which cost me $1200. Then I bought a $200 dress from Shona Joy for dancing.”

Her tip: Don’t ask too many people for opinions, especially if you’re going for something non-traditional.

Tessa-Jay Louis, 36

Tessa-Jay Louis in bridal looks by (from left) Bernadette, Brandon Maxwell and Maggie Marilyn.

“After buying six dresses, I ended up wearing the first one for the ceremony. But I kept them all, and wore them to different events in the lead-up and after our wedding, which was held in Brisbane. I also bought a different outfit for our registry wedding in Melbourne. I’ve sold them online – it’s nice that someone else is going to wear them.”

Her tip: Have a good alterations person. They can also add touches to make the dress your own.

Patricia Esser, 43

Still the one … Patricia Esser in her Maticevski gown.

“I had been to a few bridal shops and never felt the designs told my style … and none of the most popular wedding websites gave me the ‘butterflies’ I wanted. Then, by fluke, I saw this incredible gown by Maticevski, and it was love at first sight. We set a date for 18 months later, and I sometimes worried that I wasn’t going to love it down the track, but even now, I know there was no other dress for me but that one.”

Her tip: Have a ‘dress reveal’ with your bridal party when you go for alterations, so you don’t miss out on that aspect of the dress-shopping experience.

Camilla King, 39

Designer steal … Camilla King and husband Matthew Scarlett on their wedding day.

“I never felt I wanted to go through the whole fitting thing. I always felt I’d get something off the rack. First I bought a Carla Zampatti dress online, but that didn’t suit me, so I returned it. I bought my dress by Givenchy for $1800 on final sale; I was so nervous it wouldn’t fit.”

Her tip: Look at the measurements of the dress, don’t just trust the size on the label.

Rachel Meakins, 29

Rachel Meakins, who bought her wedding dress online.

“I always envisioned my wedding dress to have sleeves, but I was quoted $3500 to have something made. Knowing my vision was possible, I found something similar online for only $500. Was it exact? No. Was it luxurious quality? No. But I was still very happy. I wore it for my big day and then had a ‘trash the dress’ gender reveal for our second son.”

Her tip: Don’t feel obligated to tell people where you got your dress, or how much you spent.

Jodie Willox, 53

As a “size 17”, Jodie Willox found it easier to shop for her dress online.

“I had limited time and don’t live near any major shops. I found mine on JJ’s House for less than $200. All it needed was the hem shortened. For my first wedding, I went to so many shops, took all the bridesmaids ... I was probably fussier back then being younger and wanting the whole white do. This time, the dress wasn’t as important as spending the budget on the big party we wanted.”

Her tip: Order a fabric swatch – most online places do them – and ask if they do custom sizing. It can cost as little as $20, but they are worth every penny.

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