‘Can we get a photo?’ What my most embarrassing moment taught me

Last year, I was invited to speak at a big event. Some may have referred to me as the “keynote speaker”. I still don’t know what “keynote” actually means, but I’ve added it to my LinkedIn profile because it sounds important.

As I finished my keynote, I hopped off the stage and thought to myself: I crushed it. They laughed, they clapped, they cried. Well, I’m not entirely sure if they cried because it was dark on stage, but I’m almost certain someone was moved to tears. Why? Because it was some of my best work.

Giving a keynote speech was soon followed by a cringeworthy low. At least the experience wasn’t wasted.Credit:

But here’s the funny thing about your best work. It’s often followed by your worst. And unfortunately for me, the timeline between the two was very short.

At the end of the event, someone came up to me and said, “Can we get a photo?” I was flattered, although not surprised. I’d just done my best work; it made sense. “Yes, of course!” I replied as we walked over to the designated photo area. I strategically positioned myself front and centre of a group of about 15 people waiting for the money shot.

What happened next will undoubtedly haunt me for the rest of my working life. The person who asked for the photo turned to me and awkwardly said, “Oh, umm … no. I didn’t want you to be in the photo. I wanted you to take the photo.”

And there it was. My worst work.

You can’t have wins without having failures, it’s part of the process. The key is not letting the failure and embarrassment stop you.

At that moment, I wished for all manner of things. Sinking into the floor was high on the list. I swallowed my shame, took the photo and then legged it out of there.

I wish I could say this kind of situation was rare for me. But unfortunately, there appears to be a pattern. Any career win is often followed by a failure of equal proportion. More wins mean more fails. It’s as though it’s some kind of sick career law we’re all subject to.

Knowing this, the temptation is to retreat from situations where any kind of failure is possible. Especially if you lean towards perfectionism. But if you want to build a successful career, you have to accept that embarrassment is part of the game.

Failure is the cost of growth. The more risks you take at work, the more likely you are to encounter situations that hurt your ego. But no risks, no rewards. So, if embarrassment is inevitable, what’s the cure?

It’s simple: laugh about it. Quickly and often.

The sooner you can laugh at those cringeworthy moments, the sooner you can move on. Even better, laugh with other people. Instead of replaying the situation in your head on a loop, tell the story out loud. The joy people get from your awkwardness is a form of free therapy.

There’s a reason people love self-deprecating humour. It’s relatable. They don’t just hear your story, they see themselves in it. They remember their own version and feel a sense of relief knowing they’re not the only weird person in the workplace.

And it turns out, there’s science behind laughing off your embarrassing work moments. Stanford psychologists Dr Jennifer Aaker and Naomi Bagdonas found that humour at work boosts resilience, strengthens social bonds and helps people bounce back faster.

When you laugh at yourself, your brain releases feel-good chemicals including dopamine and serotonin while lowering cortisol (your stress hormone). It’s the shortcut to recovery.

Even better, when you tell someone else about your awkward moment, you get added benefits. Oxford researcher Robin Dunbar calls it “social glue”. Everyone relaxes. People feel closer. It makes the mistake feel smaller. In the process, it gives others permission to take their own risks, knowing they’re not alone when things go sideways.

It’s worth reminding yourself that you can’t have wins without failures – that it’s all part of the process. The key is to not let the failure and embarrassment prevent you from taking the next risk. Risk is the prerequisite to reward.

After all this oversharing and over-analysing about how your best work is followed by your worst, I wonder if I’ve got the order wrong. A chicken-and-egg situation, if you will. Maybe failure isn’t what follows the win.

Maybe failure is what makes the win possible in the first place. The cringy stuff is the warm-up act. The more comfortable you get with embarrassment and failure, the more risks you take, the more likely you are to win at work.

Shelley Johnson is founder of HR agency Boldside and hosts the podcast this is work.

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