Don’t shy away from feedback at work. Instead, do this

Feedback. Just one word, and most of us instinctively brace ourselves. Yet, while it might feel uncomfortable, dodging it could be the very thing holding your career back.

Imagine this. You receive two pieces of feedback on the same day. One was glowing. The other, less so. Where does your energy go? Immediately to the negative feedback. This is negativity bias at play.

People who bristle at feedback, become defensive or ignore developmental suggestions are often perceived as less open and coachableCredit: iStock

Studies indicate that negative stimuli activate our brains more powerfully than positive stimuli, and we remember adverse feedback more vividly.

This hard-wiring is an evolutionary trait that once helped us detect danger but now leaves us over-indexing on what went wrong rather than what went right.

The cost of dodging feedback

Many professionals assume that they must be doing well if they’re not receiving feedback. Unfortunately, that’s a dangerous assumption.

Silence is not synonymous with success. The absence of feedback can indicate that colleagues or leaders have stopped investing in your development.

Avoiding feedback starves you of the input needed to close any gap between your intention and impact. Without it, you risk repeating the same mistakes or stagnating.

Additionally, people who bristle at feedback, become defensive or ignore developmental suggestions are often perceived as less open and coachable, eroding relationships and promotion opportunities.

The mirror you need

Psychologist Daniel Goleman defined self-awareness as knowing one’s internal states, preferences, and intuitions. However, we’re often not the best judges of ourselves. We can overestimate our abilities in areas like communication, leadership and teamwork.

It takes courage to seek feedback and even more to use it wisely.

According to psychologist Adam Grant, co-workers are often more accurate in predicting how your personality impacts performance than you are yourself. Without feedback, you base your performance on assumptions, not evidence. When you’re open to seeing yourself through the eyes of others, you gain access to insights that can unlock a new level of growth.

Some feedback comments are grounded in genuine insight and delivered with good intent. Others are unhelpful, misinformed, or even malicious.

To assess the value of feedback, consider two dimensions: the intent of the person offering it (helpful versus unhelpful) and their skill or expertise in the area they’re commenting on (high versus low skill).

When someone has helpful intent and high skill, be open to learning and reflecting. In contrast, when someone’s intent is questionable and skill is low, don’t immediately discount the feedback; instead, be curious about the insights into them, you, and your relationship. Adopting this approach helps differentiate noise from insight.

If you find yourself stuck in a feedback spiral — replaying a negative comment over and over — allow yourself to feel. Your emotions are valid. The key is choosing your response. Refocus on what you can control and redirect energy to purposeful action.

Building your feedback muscle

The more you practise receiving feedback, the easier it becomes. To help grow your feedback muscle, here are five tips to consider:

1. Identify areas for growth. When you receive helpful feedback, acknowledge where you can do better. This signals maturity and proactive ownership of your development.
2. Manage your emotions. It’s normal to feel a jolt of defensiveness when receiving feedback, especially if it’s unexpected. Take a breath. Resist the urge to explain, justify or argue. Instead, listen. Ask clarifying questions.
3. Build the habit of asking for feedback. Questions like “What’s one thing I could have done better in that meeting?” or “How did my approach land with the team?” invite constructive input.
4. Clarify and reflect. Sometimes feedback is vague (“You need to be more strategic”) or confusing. Ask clarifying questions: “Can you give me an example?” or “What would ‘more strategic’ look like in my role?” Then, reflect on what you’ve heard and consider what’s within your control to change.
5. Show appreciation. If someone gives you feedback—especially if you asked for it—thank them. It takes courage to offer honest observations. More importantly, show that you’ve taken the input seriously by acting on it. Even small behavioural shifts signal your commitment to growth.

It takes courage to seek feedback and even more to use it wisely. Start by being open to the voices—helpful or hard to hear—that can shape you for the better. As Leo Tolstoy said: “If you care too much about being praised, in the end you will not accomplish anything serious.”

Listen. Learn. And then grow with intention.

Dr Michelle Gibbings is a workplace expert and the award-winning author of three books, including her latest ‘Bad Boss: What to do if you work for one, manage one or are one’.

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