Ship review: The world’s biggest cruise ship is insanely perfect

The ship: Icon of the Seas.

• Built 2023, launched 2024
• The cruise Miami round trip through the eastern or western Caribbean (seven days).
• Passengers 5610 double occupancy (7600 maximum)
• Crew 2350
• Decks 20
• Length 1197.5 feet (365 metres)
• Ship shape

Icon of the Seas, the world’s biggest cruise ship.

This is the latest offering from Royal Caribbean, a company that appears to be competing with itself in the ocean-going behemoth stakes (to wit, Wonder of the Seas, Symphony of the Seas, Harmony of the Seas, etc). Launched in January this year, Icon is officially the largest passenger ship on the planet – and it shows. Moored at the Port of Miami just before its first paying-passenger cruise, it looks like some gigantic white children’s toy straight out of the box.

Boarding

With a ship this big, I’m dreading the queues at the Port of Miami, but the staggered embarkation times, the comprehensive pre-cruise documents, and the staff guiding you every step of the way through the warehouse-sized reception area make boarding a cinch.

The design

With eight distinct “neighbourhoods”, 20 decks, god knows how many pools, and room for more than 5000 people, Icon of the Seas has, of course, been designed to within an inch of its life. It doesn’t feel like it, though. Design and aesthetics are there, but they’re like strawberry jam in the middle of a great big, chewy, fun doughnut. It’s also somehow luxurious without being “luxury”. This is, after all, an every-vacation-in-one experience for families, and you don’t want overexcited kiddie-winkies ruining Le Corbusier lounge chairs, do you now?

The spaces

A pool with all the whistles.

Where to start? Did I mention the eight separate neighbourhoods? The largest waterpark at sea with six record-breaking waterslides? And what about Surfside, an area designed specifically for toddlers, guarded by a giant pink flamingo, and which looks like it’s made of pastel-coloured ice-cream? My favourite space is the Aquadome, a massive open space at the fore of the ship that features the largest at-sea waterfall and, at night, hosts spectacular aquatic-aerialist shows in and around a deep-water pool. Behind this, at the pointy end of the ship, is the massive, glass-covered Overlook lounge where you can admire the view in space-age, mushroom-shaped pods. The main promenade features The Pearl, a massive kinetic sculpture that doubles as a major part of the ship’s infrastructure.

The stateroom

Stateroom on the Seas.

Life is too short to go through all the different levels and categories of suites and cabins (there are 31 of them). If that floats your boat, check out the CruiseMapper website for intricate details, layouts and 3D renderings. The most fun is the Ultimate Family Townhouse, a real-life cartoon space that sleeps eight, features a slide to get down from the second floor, a movie room, a games room and a piano-like staircase that plays notes as you walk on it. It also boasts a karaoke machine (a firm downside if you ask me). Other top-of-the-range suites have proper bathtubs and baby grand pianos (I kid you not). My interior cabin (shower, double bed, small lounge area but no balcony) is perfectly functional and faces across one of the neighbourhoods into the cabins on the other side.

The Overlook in AquaDome offers wraparound ocean views.

The food

With 40 restaurants and bars, there’s no shortage of places to eat, from sushi to upmarket wagyu steaks, top-notch Italian and an all-you-can-stuff buffet. The trick (if money is an issue) is to know which of them are complimentary and which are not. You could easily just eat in the Windjammer buffet for the whole voyage, but there’s also the Aquadome marketplace, where kebabs, crepes, fresh salads and fast Mexican are free. In general, the food is of a good standard, but it’s not haute cuisine by any means. There’s no Nobu or Curtis Stone or Gordon Ramsay here, but there is the al-fresco freshness of Basecamp, which serves up snacks like shrimp bao buns and chicken waffle nuggets. More formal destinations include the exclusive 42-seat Empire Supper Club, Chops Grille and Hooked Seafood.

Wellness

Does Crazy Golf count as exercise? The jury’s out on that one but the large fitness centre on decks five and six is the real thing, full of LifeCycle machines and a good ratio of free weights. There’s a running track to burn off that buffet, a FlowRider surf simulator and a Vitality spa (facials, massages, manicures). There’s also an outdoor sports court on deck 15 (basketball, soccer, pickleball) as well as a rock-climbing wall.

Entertainment

The Royal Theatre’s Wizard of Oz.

Apart from the Aquadome theatre, with its breathtaking waterfall, deep-water pool and all-dancing, all-high-diving cast, there is Absolute Zero, the largest ice-skating arena at sea, and the Broadway-style productions of the Royal Theatre. The ship is also blessed with other, smaller venues that feature stand-up comedy, a duelling pianos bar and, sadly, a venue devoted to the awfulness of karaoke. There’s a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it casino somewhere in the bowels of the ship.

The crew

The cynic in me wants to believe that these people can’t possibly be that polite, that helpful, that smiley and that friendly all the time. Surely there’s a little padded room below decks where they go to scream and rage at the idiot in cabin 253 who’s lost his key again. Look, they’re all excellent except one crew member with dog breath. This is Rover, the seven-month-old golden retriever who lives on board and is the ship’s Chief Dog Officer. He’s a bit ruff around the edges.

The verdict

These giant ships are not everyone’s cup of tea, but for families with children who want to travel and see the advantage of an all-in-one, something-for-everyone holiday, they’re just the thing. Icon of the Seas does all that with knobs on. It’s insanely, perfectly suited to its target audience.

The details

With Miami as its home base, Icon of the Seas will be calling in at ports in either the eastern or western Caribbean, with every week-long trip visiting Perfect Day at CocoCay, Royal Caribbean’s private island in the Bahamas. Prices from $3014 a person. See royalcaribbean.com

Our rating out of five

★★★★★

SWELL

Sitting in the glass Overlook lounge with expansive views of sea and sky.

NOT SO SWELL

Looking across the promenade space from my interior cabin into the cabin opposite and seeing my “neighbour” waving hello.

The writer was a guest of the Royal Caribbean.