The Wallabies are officially back. Now, let’s watch them fly

“Is writing a sports column difficult?” the Pulitzer Prize-winning writer for The New York Times, Red Smith, was once asked.

“Why, no,” dead-panned Red. “You simply sit down at the typewriter, open your veins, and bleed.”

Just this once, do you mind if I open up my heart instead, and simply let out the joy?

You freakin’ fabulous WALLABIES!

What a win! What a way to win! In the 84th minute, after all seemed lost the goodies came good.

After two decades of grimness, interspersed with the odd sunbeam, this, this was Wallaby rugby in all its glory shining once more!

Max Jorgensen’s try after the siren gave the Wallabies their first win at Twickenham in almost a decade.Credit: Getty Images

We see you, Angus Bell, doing the work of three men, taking the ball up like a bull elephant and bringing down English defenders with equal fervour.

We see you, Rob Valetini, yourself making ground with every charge and obliging three defenders to commit to you, every time.

We see you, Jeremy Williams, doing all that great anonymous work in the tight areas before hurtling down the sideline on your tippy-toes and scoring the second-rower’s Try Of The Century!

We see you, Harry Wilson, skippering the side and taking the ball up more than any other bloke on the park.

The Len Ikitau flick pass for the Wallabies’ match-winner against England.Credit: Stan Sport

We see you Len “Flickitau”, unleashing a left-handed, no-look, no-prisoners flick pass that Benji Marshall would have been proud of, to put Max Jorgensen in the clear so he could score the winning try in the 84th minute.

We see you Andrew Kellaway, penetrating and defenestrating like a mad thing all game long, and throwing in the runaway try as the bonus.

We see you, Joseph Suaalii for all the reasons that have been in the headlines, and want to see a whole lot more of you, for years to come.

And we see all of the rest of you, playing the match of your lives. Stick together. Cherish the moment. Finish the job.

And fer Chrissakes, BEAT WALES.

It is everything. We have had false dawns before. Admittedly none have been as bright as this, but they have always been followed by dispiriting losses.

Not this time!

Did I mention, finish the job?

You make us proud.

One-day cricket, who needs it?Credit: Getty Images

One-day cricket has gone for one day too long

And yet, in the same week that the Wallabies registered their wonderful win over England, here at home, the Australian one-day cricket side lost against Pakistan.

Do you hear me? I said the Aussie ODI side lost a series to Pakistan!

I know, I know. I don’t care either. And that is the very point. Did you even know Pakistan was here, let alone beating us? I had a vague awareness, but no more than that. You say potato, I say potarto, let’s call the whole thing off?

Adam Zampa goes the tonk against Pakistan in Perth.Credit: AP

We surely would get little grief from former great Adam Gilchrist who on commentary on Fox seemed a little underwhelmed by the whole thing, or Australian cricket captain, Pat Cummins, who on the night of the final match, preferred to go to a Coldplay concert. And why wouldn’t he?

Sing it with me.

ODI used to rule the world, the seas would rise when it gave the word,

Now in the morning it sleeps alone, sweeps the streets it used to own.

In sum. When it comes to one-day cricket, put a fork in it, and turn it over. It’s done.

Wallabies upswing couldn’t be better timed

Double meantime, the significance of that win over England simply cannot be overstated. Rugby Australia is just six weeks away from the deadline for, hopefully, renewing the broadcast rights with Nine Entertainment, the owners of this masthead.

For despite the grimness of the last two decades, the excitement of that Test proves that rugby fans are still out there, and turn up in droves for fine fare.

Tate McDermott of Australia is tackled by Henry Slade during last weekend’s Test.Credit: Getty Images

Prior to last weekend, the record for most Video On Demand replays on Stan – which I think is the streaming service of Nine – was the Olympics 2024 Opening Ceremony, RWC 2023 – All Blacks v Ireland, and RWC 2023 - Australia v Fiji. All those records were smashed by last week’s Test. “It was simply stunning,” Ben Kimber, the boss of Stan Sport said on Friday.

“It wasn’t just the viewers turning on their sets in the middle of the night, it was those who woke up to the stunning news of the dramatic finish for the win, Suaalii’s unbelievable debut and the fact that Australian rugby is back. They smashed the numbers on everything from full game to the mini-match, to the highlights package and recap by our experts. Even right now the game is still being watched five days later.”

Those numbers say that, despite it all, the upside for rugby right now is enormous.

Don’t forget the heroes of 1996

In all the rightful nostalgia over the 1984 Grand Slam Wallabies, one other team should not be forgotten. The 1996 Wallabies were undefeated in no fewer than five Tests – including Italy and the Barbarians! They didn’t play England, and so were given no chance of emulating the feats of ’84. But fourteen of the players who started in the RWC final in 1999, were in that squad and another two were on the bench. It was the beginning of greatness!

Nathan Cleary to rugby union? It might just work.Credit: Getty Images

Suaalii success sure to pique interest of Cleary and friends

As to whether rugby should make a play for Nathan Cleary, there was a brilliant piece on this in The Herald a while back, and as a matter of fact, I wrote it. The short answer is yes, but only if he comes to the party with the right attitude.

Quite seriously, no league player could have seen the journey of Joseph-Aukuso Suaalii and not had a twinge of envy. Despite my having fun over the young man transitioning from “suburban rugby league” – I know, I know, he played for Samoa in league at Old Trafford when he was 19 – this really was so big-time it made State of Origin look like a parish-pump match. Given Cleary has already accomplished everything there is to accomplish in league, several times, how could he NOT be interested in that.

And yes, Cleary would cost money. But against that, if the Wallabies had the likes of the Penrith maestro, how could their own ratings not zoom accordingly, as the league community, too, took pride in the skills their code has formed. It is a no-brainer.

Call him, Phil.

What They Said

A text from The Oracle, Gordon Bray, to TFF, at the conclusion of the first Test against England at Twickenham: “Stupendous! Young team, never say die, playing with belief. Take a bow Joe Schmidt. Suaalii stole the show. For me the most exciting debut by an Aussie back since a teenage Campo spooked the AB’s in 1982.”

Former English halfback Matt Dawson on Joseph Suaalii: “Suaalii is 6ft 5in tall with arms like Mr Tickle. It’s like eight-foot when he has the ball in the air and that’s really hard to stop.”

Joseph-Aukuso Suaalii with friends and family after winning his first Test cap at Twickenham.Credit: Julius Dimitaga/Rugby Australia

Wallaby centre Len Ikitau on his brilliant pass in the 84th minute against England that put Max Jorgensen over for the winning try: “The coaches harp on about we’re rugby players, and we make rugby decisions, so I just made a rugby decision there.”

One of the Twitterati, @inthecheapseat1, nails it on “Smoking Joe” Suaalii: “He was a star rugby player before he went to easts (sic). League teaches great defence, but Union teaches you sporting poetry.”

Minnesota Vikings player Cam Bynum unleashed a Raygun-inspired celebration when he had an interception against the Jaguars: “I’m a big fan. She went out there and had fun and that’s what I do on the field. I’ve been saving for that, and it’s been a while since I did a celly.”

Rachael Gunn herself was impressed with it: “This is WILD. Love it, Cam Bynum!”

Australian swimmer Shayna Jack on her arc of redemption bending towards glory: “Not only did I defy the odds and come back, I did exactly what I said I was going to do. I came back with fight and said, ‘Watch me go to the Olympics’. And that’s exactly what I did. No one’s going to tell me I’m not competing. Never again.” She is a good egg.

Michael Clarke on the one-day team: “We are bagging one-day cricket. No-one is turning up, hasn’t got the interest. I feel like we obviously don’t care about losing that series. If you’re not going to care, we’re not going to care.” We don’t care. And we don’t even care that you don’t care, either.

English referee David Coote in comments filmed a long time ago when asked what he thought of Jurgen Klopp: “C--t. Absolute c--t. Aside from having a right pop at me when I refereed them against Burnley in lockdown, he accused me of lying then had a right f--king pop at me.”

Tennis commentator Jon Wertheim not realising his microphone was on: “Who do you think I am? Barbora Krejcikova? Look at the forehead when Krejcikova and Zheng take the court.”

Ex-Liverpool manager Juergen Klopp has been caught up in controversy.Credit: Getty Images

Wertheim after being suspended indefinitely: “During a Tennis Channel studio show on Friday, I made some deeply regrettable comments off-air. I acknowledge them. I apologise for them. I reached out immediately and apologised to the player . . . I realise: I am not the victim here. It was neither professional nor charitable nor reflective of the person I strive to be. I am accountable. I own this. I am sorry.”

Team of the Week

Joseph Suaalii. Made a stupendous transition from rugby league to international rugby union – welcome to Twickenham – by winning man of the match honours in the England-Wallabies match. He is in urgent need of a nickname, by the way. Can we go with Smoking Joe, unless you have something better?

Len Ikitau and Harry Wilson. Neither was good enough to make last year’s Wallaby World Cup squad in the Eddie Jones Error.

Brett Robinson. Our bloke has been elected as the new chair of World Rugby, the first chair from the southern hemisphere. In voting he defeated my old sparring partner – once sent off for standing on my head at the SFS, but no hard feelings, he’s genuinely a great bloke – France’s Abdelatif Benazzi and Italy’s Andrea Rinaldo.

Kangaroos and Jillaroos. Won their respective Pacific Championships, somewhere or other.

Rhiannan Iffland. Aussie won the cliff diving world championship in Sydney.

Lizelle Lee. Hit an unbeaten 150 in the WBBL for Hobart.

Australia and India. First Test starts in Perth on Friday.

Nathan McSweeney. Will become Australia’s 467th Test cricketer. From Stan McCabe to Graham McKenzie, Australia has had some amazing McCricketers. The last? Clint McKay.

Kansas City Chiefs. Still undefeated in this year’s NFL season.

X/Twitter: Peter_Fitz