By Joe Aston
We are watching just the third Test match ever played at Cardiff's Sophia Gardens.
Sure the turf is called SWALEC Stadium these days, since its commercial matrimony with the Welsh retail energy brand, once public, now Scottish-owned. Conditions aside, let us not overstate England's home advantage.
This certainly isn't much of a cricket town. While SWALEC can seat 16,000, the Millennium Stadium holds (and regularly fills) 74,500 seats for rugby fixtures.
In the press box, between cement scones served with clotted cream indistinguishable from Selleys spakfilla, the English journalists rib their visiting counterparts about perceived weaknesses in Steve Smith's technique. He's only the best batsman in the world, we retort, until our vice-captain plays a lacrosse-cum-Twister to fall for 33, and we're left with feet firmly in mouths. For now. Meanwhile, England hides its best batsman, Joe Root, in the middle order. And that worked out for them pretty well on day one. For now.
The simple fact is that since Andrew Strauss's troops trounced us at home in 2010/11, and since Steve Waugh left Heathrow with the urn in 2001, neither side has looked dominant in the other's conditions.
Just 18 months ago, England couldn't handle the pace or steepling bounce of Australian wickets. Mitchell Johnson and Ryan Harris made Alastair Cook's order look like grade batsmen.
Our own performances have been far less meek. But in England two years ago, and arguably this week in Cardiff, our bowlers were bettered by the disobedient local Dukes ball, and our batters by its profound swing.
Here in Wales, Australia's bowling was unacceptably erratic and our batting was found wanting for patience. Middle order newbie (but first class veteran) Adam Voges is the biggest culprit here, but so were David Warner and Chris Rogers – who once upon a time could bat forever without losing his focus.
But in defence of "Bucky", he was picked for his expertise in this foreign land when Darren Lehmann took over in June 2013, and those best-laid plans did bear fruit in Cardiff.
In the first innings, Mitchell Starc was intermittently dangerous but predictably wayward, though Mitchell Johnson deserved better figures than 0-111. The ECB's pitches have been designed to give nothing off the surface – that being Johnson's main sport. If you can't hoop (and just as importantly, control) the Dukes in the air, then there'll be nothing for you here, sir.