Every night, Jeremy Buckingham went to bed hoping his son was OK

In the final years of his son Eden’s life, NSW upper house member Jeremy Buckingham woke up every morning and went to bed every night with the same concern: Is Eden OK?

“I could just see it creeping up,” he recalled.

“I had asked him: ‘Do you have any suicidal thoughts? Do you ever hear voices?’ He had a therapist then, so he had been told he had developed some kind of psychosis, but it came and went.

NSW upper house member Jeremy Buckingham says parents of young people struggling with mental health issues can suffer under guilt and stigma. Credit: Janie Barrett

“We were all there for him, but he was just withdrawing.”

Eden died by suicide in 2022, one day after the then 23-year-old told his family he had been sexually abused as a child. The matter is the subject of a police investigation.

“I have a lot of guilt that I didn’t join the dots earlier,” Buckingham said.

“When he told me what had happened, he said: ‘I don’t want to be the guy that this happened to. I don’t want this to be my life.’”

NSW’s suicide prevention initiative is called “Towards Zero Suicides”. However, the state recorded roughly the same number of suicide deaths in 2023 as in 2022, following a 5 per cent increase the previous year.

Monthly data from the NSW Suicide Monitoring System shows there has been a recent increase in the proportion of deaths recorded in Greater Sydney. Middle-aged men comprise the largest number of deaths, however data from the Australian Institute of Welfare shows suicide is the leading cause of death in people aged 15 to 44.

Eden had been a happy, academic, outgoing child, said Buckingham. That changed when he was seven, when he suddenly became withdrawn and developed an eating disorder. His old self seemed to return. Then, on a family holiday two years later, it happened again.

“He became depressed and non-responsive, almost catatonic. But it was episodic,” Buckingham said.

Jeremy Buckingham’s son, Eden, died by suicide in 2022. 

He remembers his son started experimenting with alcohol and drugs in his teen years. The family moved from Orange to Bellingen, but the fresh start did not change Eden’s troubles and his schoolwork suffered.

Aged 18, Eden attracted the attention of local police. His family pointed him towards a Headspace counselling service and paid for him to attend a rehabilitation facility in Thailand.

“When he came back, he was amazing,” Buckingham said. “He got off all the drugs and alcohol. He got super fit; he was absolutely jacked for two years.”

But, with friends having moved away for university, Buckingham said his son was lonely, and struggled to hold down a job.

Sometimes, Eden would disappear for days, taking long walks.

“Living in Bellingen, the only routine thing Eden would do was go to AA,” Buckingham said.

“But he really wasn’t addicted to alcohol or drugs. I think, in hindsight, he was going to those AA meetings to talk about his feelings, and to see that there were other people who had survived trauma.”

Buckingham is hesitant to say he returned to politics in his son’s memory – the former Greens member rejoined state parliament last year with the Legalise Cannabis Party – but says the state’s inadequate mental health system was behind the decision.

He believes his son lacked early intervention, with his wayward behaviour treated as disobedience rather than a cry for help. He said it was possible AA meetings were the most cost-effective, dependable mental healthcare Eden could find.

“There are so many parents I talk to who say their son, like so many young men, is struggling, and they are stumbling in the dark,” Buckingham said.

“Parents feel they have failed. They haven’t kept their kid safe. But I think we need to be able to say: ‘My child is unwell. There is no shame in being unwell.’”

The stretched NSW mental health system is in the spotlight ahead of next month’s budget.

A state government-led gaps analysis, published this month, revealed an estimated 58,000 people with severe mental health needs were not in contact with community mental health services.

The sector wants a funding overhaul, pushing for NSW to follow Victoria and Queensland by introducing a payroll tax levy to fund services as it raises concerns about staff burnout and service shortcomings.

Buckingham believes the state government could leverage the point of consumption tax paid on online gambling revenue in a similar way.

One measure the state government has committed to is dedicated suicide prevention legislation in its first term of government.

Mental Health Minister Rose Jackson reaffirmed the commitment in response to a parliamentary motion by Buckingham on mental health earlier this month.

Similar legislation abroad and in Australia – South Australia passed its own act in 2021 – compels governments to consider the impact of new policies on housing, healthcare, education, and other areas have on suicide rates.

“Suicide is a complex issue, and preventing suicide requires a coordinated approach. It is not something that can be addressed using the health system alone,” said Jackson, adding that the state government would be looking at what had and had not worked elsewhere when devising the legislation.

After Japan introduced similar legislation in 2006, its suicide deaths fell by about 40 per cent in 15 years, hitting a 40-year low in 2019.

Suicide Prevention Australia acting chief executive Chris Stone said dedicated legislation was “one of a range of positive, cost-effective policy options … that can ensure all parts of government are working to prevent suicide, not just in mental health, but in other areas where people are at increased risk of suicide, like homelessness and domestic violence”.

The discussions come as funding for the former state government’s centrepiece suicide prevention strategy – a $14 million plan to train more than 200,000 parents, and other community members as youth mental health first responders in the aftermath of the pandemic’s lockdowns – wraps up next month.

The organisation providing the training, Livingworks, estimates 25,000 people will have completed the sessions by June 30, after the program was significantly revised to focus on face-to-face sessions targeting schools, sports clubs and police.

Livingworks’ marketing lead Shayne Connell said demand for the program had particularly picked up this year and the organisation would be seeking further funding to provide training in NSW.

If you or anyone you know needs help, call Lifeline on 13 11 14 (and see lifeline.org.au), the National Sexual Abuse and Redress Support Service on 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732), or Kids Helpline on 1800 551 800.

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