Yumi Stynes: ‘I’m quite keen to find ways to not have my life threatened’

Each week, Benjamin Law asks public figures to discuss the subjects we’re told to keep private by getting them to roll a die. The numbers they land on are the topics they’re given. This week, he talks to Yumi Stynes. The broadcaster and author, 48, hosts the ABC podcast, Ladies, We Need to Talk, co-wrote the Welcome To … books for adolescents and is the co-author of the cookbook, The Food Fix.

Yumi Stynes’ version of hell: “A nursing home with a really big TV playing free-to-air loudly. Air freshener. I’m there and I’m immobile.”Credit: Jennifer Soo

RELIGION

Was religion part of your upbringing? A little bit of Anglicanism. And my grandfather and two of my uncles in Japan were practising Shinto priests. My mum kind of shunned Shinto, but she’d always talk about my soul growing up: “Yumi, this room is a reflection of your soul …”

What did your bedroom look like, exactly? [Laughs] A f---ing mess! But I liked the idea of a soul because you can have a soul and not be religious. And I’m not religious, but I do believe in the power of prayer. Solemn rituals – I think there’s a place for them.

What’s your personal version of heaven? I have it all the time. It’s being with my kids [she has four children between the ages of eight and 22] and they’re kind of stuck on me and I can feel the heaviness of them. They’re content and clean. They’re not smelly, I’m not smelly and everything is fine. But sometimes they’ll let rip. [Laughs] Not quite heaven.

What’s your personal version of hell? A nursing home with a really big TV playing free-to-air loudly. Air freshener. I’m there and I’m immobile.

Have you ever been in that environment? Yes. The TV was so loud, with infomercials blaring at the residents, and they couldn’t do a thing. I was like, “Let them watch something decent! There’s some great TV out there!” No one gave a f---.

Do you have any personal commandments? Thou shalt not go to any parties on boats. Also, I try not to buy anything unless I really need it. And I try to bite my tongue if I’m having mean thoughts. I like to leave people feeling better than when I found them.

What are the sins you’re most susceptible to? Gluttony.

How do you atone? I don’t want to atone for that one. I’m shamelessly gluttonous, sometimes.

POLITICS

Looking back, what has informed your personal values and politics the most? One thing I understand deeply is that people will judge you on things you can’t control: how you look, your gender, your age, your size, your disability. I’ve felt the injustice of that and I’ll never be able to forget it.

Have you changed in terms of how you express your politics? I’m so busy parenting that I don’t have as much time to interface with the world at large. Also, in recent years, I’ve lost interest in being attacked.

What do you mean by that? I’m quite keen to find ways to not be attacked and not have my life threatened – to not have people offer to kill me or hurt my kids or my family. The sense of precariousness around my physical safety is quite real.

There have been moments in your career that have led to a lot of direct abuse: when you joked with George Negus about Ben Roberts-Smith in 2012; when you accused Kerri-Anne Kennerley of making racist remarks in 2019; when you co-wrote a sex-ed book for adolescents [Welcome to Sex, published last year]. How do you look back on those instances and process them? In the most recent instance, there were so many people offering to kill me who hadn’t really engaged with the issue as much as they had with the fact that I’m small, brown and female. Nobody attacking me did due diligence to check that I really was the villain. It was just like, “Oh good, let’s join in and really make her bleed.” I was left reeling at incident number one; it was unsurprising by incidents two and three.

What has going through these experiences shown you? That there’s a fear of things that are different, and a huge swathe of the Australian population longs for things to be as they were when Australia was represented as an all-white country. At the same time, these things can be hugely validating. So many people took the time to say to me and [Welcome to Sex co-author] Dr Melissa Kang: “Your books are awesome. I wish I’d had them when I was a teenager and I’m so glad that I can give this book to my child. It’s a really valuable resource.” The racism incident [with Kennerley] was also incredibly humbling. Indigenous women stepped up to defend me in a way that still makes me want to cry. I was like, “Man, I need to be the best ally I can be because look at these amazingly staunch women who are advocating for me.”

What do you think Australia gets right? Free beaches.

What makes you cringe about Australia? Barnaby Joyce, and the excessive supply of stale, old white guys in politics.

MONEY

What’s been your best job? The best jobs are always the ones where you get paid the most for doing the least! [Laughs] Love those jobs! But when I started at Channel [V] in 2000, I was like, “I’m going to do this job until they prise it from my cold, dead hands.” The team have become lifelong friends. We treated each other with a lot of kindness and love, and I’ve tried to take that to every workplace since.

What do you say “yes” and “no” to when it comes to work nowadays? The first criterion is, “Will I need help with the kids?” with childcare or babysitters. Then it’s money and [its ethics]: “Is it for an oil company or a cruise ship?” Also: “Is this giving me a new experience that I’m going to feed my soul?“

Define success outside of money. Success is about how much love you have and how much of it you give. That’s the measure of a successful life.

[e-mail]

To read more from Good Weekend magazine, visit our page at The Sydney Morning Herald, The Age and Brisbane Times.