Whether making weekend plans or war plans, these are the unspoken rules of the group chat

I had only myself to blame for adding the wrong David. Having been tasked with organising my friend Jason’s bucks’ weekend, my first move was establishing a group chat – a safe (and encrypted) place for the 20-odd guests to discuss details, make plans and argue about whether we should play golf or paintball.

Ironically, I approached this responsibility with military-like precision. I crafted a welcome message outlining the itinerary, double-checked the list, and finally created the group: Jason’s Bucks Blow Out!

It doesn’t matter if you’re organising a golf weekend, a hens’ night, or a tactical strike against Houthi strongholds – we must all abide by the unspoken group chat rules.Credit: Michael Howard

Only later did I realise that we had two friends named David within our wider circle of friends, but only one was invited to the bucks’ (and wedding). Naturally, I had included the wrong David, meaning that he was privy to information not designed for him for an entire month leading up to the event.

To borrow a recent phrase from US National Security Adviser Mike Waltz, it was “an enormously embarrassing mistake and one I take full responsibility for”.

Fortunately for me (and less so for Waltz), not all mistakes are created equal. While my group chat slip-up resulted in a few hurt feelings and an awkward conversation with WrongDavid, it did not trigger a national security crisis that snowballed into a global news story.

For the uninitiated, a quick refresher: on Monday, The Atlantic’s editor-in-chief, Jeffrey Goldberg, revealed that he had accidentally been added to a group chat titled “Houthi PC small group” (presumably Houthi and the Blowfish was taken) on the encrypted messaging app, Signal.

The thread included Vice President J.D. Vance, Defence Secretary Pete Hegseth, Secretary of State Marco Rubio and other high-profile figures discussing the “operational details” of planned attacks on the Houthis in Yemen.

Goldberg watched silently while Hegseth laid out the attack plans, then continued to observe as the group celebrated the successful strike with emojis. Nothing says mission accomplished like the flexed bicep emoji accompanied by a couple of fire emojis for good measure.

Needless to say, the internet had a field day with this particular comedy of errors, and in a full circle moment, the resulting memes have flooded my respective group chats ever since.

However, aside from being a genuinely bizarre security breach at the highest level of the US government, Signalgate is a timely reminder that group chats are inherently sacred spaces.

And to ensure their survival, you must adhere to a set of unspoken rules – whether you’re organising a golf weekend, a hens’ night or a tactical strike against enemy strongholds in Yemen.

Firstly, Take Your Time To Avoid Confusion, a lesson Mike Waltz and I have learned the hard way. While being in charge of curating a thread is inherently exciting, with great power comes great responsibility.

By their very nature, group chats are pure chaos, so it pays to triple-check your list and never rush a message.

In addition to mistakenly adding Goldberg, Waltz was guilty of excitedly rushing his texts to declare the attacks had started. “Building collapsed. Had multiple positive ID. Pete, Kurilla, the IC, amazing job,” wrote Waltz, to which a confused Vance replied: “What?”

Realising the error of his ways, Waltz quickly backtracked: “Typing too fast. The first target – their top missile guy – we had positive ID of him walking into his girlfriend’s building, and it’s now collapsed.” We’ve all been there.

Up next, keeping vibes high in the chat means everyone must Be Supportive. Whether texting with friends, strangers, colleagues or a collection of Trump’s most trusted security advisers, positive feedback is always welcome.

Note how quickly Vance jumped in with applause once Waltz confirmed the building had collapsed on the target and his girlfriend. “Excellent!” wrote the VP. The rest of the thread echoed this, peppering the chat with glowing reinforcements. “A good start,” said John Ratcliffe, the director of the CIA. “Good job, Pete and your team!” added Rubio.

Bonus points to Steve Witkoff, the Special Envoy to the Middle East, who upped the ante with two prayer emojis, a flexed bicep and two American flags.

While the Signal chat may have been misguided, at least the group members were all very supportive of one another.Credit: Nine

Conversely, detecting tone in a group chat can be challenging, which is why we Never Use ALL CAPS. No matter how tough someone like Vance might seem, I suspect he was slightly taken aback when he expressed concern about “bailing out Europe again”, only to be met with Hegseth’s LOUD and ANGRY response. “I fully share your loathing of European freeloading,” he wrote. “It’s PATHETIC.”

Provided we continue to follow the above rules and treat the group chat with the respect it deserves, then long may this digital third space reign supreme.

In an increasingly isolated world, we all need an outlet for dumb jokes, idle gossip or confidential war plans. Just make sure every Tom, Dick and Harry (or David and Jeffrey) isn’t in the chat.

Find more of the author’s work here. Email him at [e-mail] or follow him on Instagram at @thomasalexandermitchell and on Twitter @_thmitchell.