‘Sex parties’ are booming in WA. So, what really happens behind closed doors?

It took Caitlin* and her partner a while to gather the courage to attend one of Perth’s sex parties.

But she now says it has helped them build a much stronger relationship. And they’re not alone.

There has been a boom in sex parties in WA in recent years.Credit: WAtoday/pictures supplied

There has been an increase in adults-only parties in Western Australia, but they’re not the throw-your-keys-in-a-bowl type swingers’ party.

These events are ticketed, exclusive and invite-only, and – for an increasing number of Millennials – a popular way to meet new people for some no-holds-barred fun.

“Perth has a very active ENM [ethical non-monogamy] culture that seems already quite big and growing fast,” said Caitlin, who asked for her last name to not be used.

“I love that meeting other like-minded people has given me so much confidence with my own personality, it’s allowed me to make amazing and very fun connections with people who are very positive about life.”

“You can use Tinder, but if you want, you know, six people in the same bed, it’s going to be a lot harder.”

A sex party event organiser

It’s a scene which has been stigmatised in the past, according to Curtin University and Edith Cowan University sexologist Giselle Woodley.

But she said such parties have become more accessible and offered a safe space to meet others who may be as “sexually adventurous and curious”.

“Most of us received limited sexuality education, so these parties are a fantastic opportunity to administer sexuality education in the form of inductions for these parties,” she said.

“At these parties, every participant is given an overview of the night, given education around consensual, ethical frameworks and invited to listen to their bodies and check in with themselves to ensure they are willing and consenting participants.”

There will also often be a “spotter” – someone on hand to ensure participants are practicing safely and consensually.

Matt runs a sex party event company, one of three or four similar companies in Perth where events are held at random locations which are fully booked for the night, such as clubs or warehouses.

The events are usually themed and encourage extravagant dress-ups and are invite-only. Each attendee is vetted by organisers, and have to provide identification and abide by a code of conduct when they’re in.

“It’s just a fun like-minded way to connect with people,” he said.

“You can use Tinder, but if you want, you know, six people in the same bed, it’s going to be a lot harder. So these places help you find those people that are into all that sort of thing.

“But [attendees are] normal people, professionals. Interactions are usually more respectable and inviting than ones you would have in a normal bar.”

The vetting process is lengthy. Matt said organisers wanted to know exactly who was at the events.

“We ask them to send us pictures, their social media links, and information about themselves,” he said.

“Then we look through to see if they’re legit. If they don’t have any friends in common with us, we’ll give them a call and check them out.”

The end result is a “community” where like-minded people can come together and express themselves safely. And Matt is big on consent.

“On the application form we have a question, ‘Tell me what consent means to you?’,” he says.

“And if they don’t really answer it how we want them to answer it, we’ll ask them again and say, ‘tell me about this’.

“We basically say make sure it’s ‘yes’ or get out. You know, if you’re not going to abide by [consent rules], get out now.”

Matt said his events focused heavily on the safety of those who attended because he once ran an all-female escort agency and, before that, was a high-end escort himself.

Woodley said taking part in the events still presented a safety risk, even when each participant was vetted.

“The parties do run the risk, like any party environment, to attract more predatory types who ‘don’t get it’ and may take advantage of such environments,” she said.

“That said, if organisers are doing their job properly, those types can be vetted out or acknowledged early on, so they pose less of a risk.”

So, what actually happens behind closed doors?

At the parties, which are usually BYO alcohol, couples or groups go off to designated areas.

Other people can watch, or join in if they ask permission first. Event organisers regularly check in on party-goers to make sure they are consenting and happy with what they are a part of.

There is usually a raunchy stage show of some sort, topless barmaids and music.

Most of the events have an age bracket of between 25 and 50 and are themed, inviting attendees to dress up.

Woodley said research had shown Millennials were far more sexually adventurous and had therefore made sex soirées a more mainstream affair.

For Caitlin, the parties brought her and her partner closer together. She said being in an ENM relationship could be a “rollercoaster”, but communication was key.

“That has been pivotal to allow us the opportunity in breaking through hard emotional and physical barriers with other people and in turn we have now had experiences many people only dream of,” she said.

“Once you have the confidence in your communication abilities. You find by being honest and consistent that gives others 100 per cent reassurance and confidence to move forward and have those amazing experiences together, whatever it may be.”

Matt estimated about 50 per cent of people who attend the events were couples, 30 per cent single women and 20 per cent single men, with the majority aged between 30 and 40.

In between the events are “meet and greets”, where partygoers can meet in a public place and get to know each other.

But not all venues are happy to host adult entertainment. Wells said he had been turned down when he’s come clean about what he wanted to hire the space for.

“Some people say ‘absolutely not’, because they don’t agree with that lifestyle,” he said.

“And that’s fair enough. We want to be open and honest about what we’re there for.”

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