The new skill bosses need (and why most worry they’re getting it wrong)

When Nik Stagno Navarra’s marriage ended in mid-August 2020, he and his ex-wife joined the wave of Australians separating during intense pandemic pressure.

That they were among nearly 200,000 Australians who filed for divorce in the past two years was of little comfort to Stagno Navarra. But the digital product manager, 35, found some solace in an unlikely place: his boss.

Nik Stagno Navarra has become a mental health advocate in his workplace after being supported through his separation by his manager.Credit: Justin McManus

Stagno Navarra worried he would be seen as “complicated” and made redundant if he let on to his boss, Ryan O’Callaghan, how the break-up was affecting him, especially as the company he worked for was going through a merger.

“I kept everything inside until the hour after [his marriage ended]. I had a Zoom meeting in the morning and literally broke down and cried,” he said. When O’Callaghan checked in with him afterwards, Stagno Navarra was relieved to discover “he was phenomenal”.

Stagno Navarra said O’Callaghan reinforced that the company wanted to support its employees, and told him “we just want to make sure you feel safe and have everything you need”.

“He let me be me by saying those words of affirmation. Anyone can say, ‘I hope you’re OK and if you need something let me know’, but to get someone saying it where it’s coming from the heart and genuine ... helped allow me to be my authentic self at work,” Stagno Navarra said.

O’Callaghan said he called on empathy as a first response to Stagno Navarra’s situation, “just giving the support he needed, space and time, and making sure he was in a position where he was comfortable enough to be able to shift focus [to his personal life] when he needed to”.

There were 47,016 couples who filed divorce applications in 2021-22, down slightly from the pandemic peak of 49,625 in 2020-21. There were 44,432 couples who filed for divorce in 2019-20.

One in three managers needed to support a team member going through separation or divorce during the pandemic, according to research commissioned by the parental-leave consultancy Circle In.

The group surveyed 518 managers from across industries and various organisation sizes about how they had needed to help their staff.

The survey found 97 per cent had supported team members through life challenges during the pandemic, but most felt they lacked adequate training for the task.

More than half (59 per cent) supported a team member experiencing mental health issues, 42 per cent helped staff through grief and loss, and 36 per cent helped those experiencing burnout.

But most (78 per cent) said they had not received any training in how to support staff going through these challenges, and more than half worried they would say the wrong thing. Two thirds said offering support had become a large part of their role and that it increased their own stress levels.

Australian Human Resources Institute chief executive Sarah McCann-Bartlett agreed that most managers were not equipped with the necessary skills or experience to support staff going through personal or complex issues, and said organisations needed to invest in professional support.

“Work life and personal life have been blending together for some time now ... so employers have an opportunity to add a human touch to their work processes to stand out as an employer of choice, but they mustn’t rely on their middle managers or HR alone to provide support,” she said.

Relationships Australia national executive officer Nick Tebbey said the most important role a manager could play when hearing personal disclosures from their staff was to “listen, be respectful and compassionate”.

“It’s almost expected in society today that [managers] are available to listen and be there to support someone, but they shouldn’t take on more than what they’re equipped for,” he said.

Tebbey said the pressures the pandemic placed on relationships were still being felt in the increasing number of separations.

“Now, three years on from the onset, we’re seeing the long tail effects [on marriages] of COVID really to start to take shape,” he said.

Tebbey said training could help prepare managers to offer support, but they should also know where to refer people for psychological help and employee assistance.

Circle In co-founder Jodi Geddes said she was shocked to learn one third of managers had been required to support staff through marital splits without significant training.

“To lead with empathy you need to be properly upskilled,” she said.

If you or anyone you know needs support call Lifeline 131 114, or Beyond Blue 1300 224 636.

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