The heartbreak of loving a conspiracy theorist

I used to dismiss conspiracy theorists as contemptible idiots. Then one of my relatives became one. In the past few months I have watched someone I love — someone who used to believe in science, rational thought and the collective good — become an anti-vaxxer, anti-5Ger, anti-masker, a "plandemic" disciple and a "sovereign citizen" suspicious of any collective purpose.

Conspiracy theories are not simply a hobby. They have become an all-consuming identity akin to a cult.

Conspiracy theories are flooding social media and breaking up families.

Everything has an alternative explanation, from the Holocaust, the moon landing, September 11, the Earth being flat, to the British royal family all being dead and currently played by actors.

She has embraced so many conspiracy theories that they can't rationally coexist. One minute I'm told COVID-19 is a toxin released from chemtrails in aircraft, the next it doesn't exist. Then, it does exist after all, but it's no worse than the seasonal flu.

Then it's caused by 5G towers, other times it was deliberately created in a lab in the United States. It's part of Bill Gates's grand plan to mandate vaccines and inject us all with nanotechnology, but a moment later it's part of the world government's agenda to introduce a universal basic income, destroy private enterprise and control us.

Like most families, mine is not unaccustomed to disagreement. But this is different. It's not possible to simply agree to disagree and talk about other things.

Even the attacks on September 11, 2001, are called into question by online conspiracists.Credit: AP

It is distressing to watch people disappear into the vortex of conspiracy theories, where every conversation leads back to yet another conspiracy. Standard definitions for what constitutes a fact or evidence no longer apply, and quantity of "research" is confused with quality of research.

Hours spent watching conspiracy videos is deemed more sound than a statement from a person who has devoted their life to studying the topic and is backed by regulatory bodies and peer reviews.

It is alarming to see how this media environment lays waste to people who are ill-equipped to critically analyse the content they are consuming.

"Proof" comes in the form of charismatic rants and memes with made-up quotes attributed to Hitler's Mein Kampf. The obscenity of comparing wearing masks to the mass murder of Jews in the Holocaust – a truth that is also denied — doesn't occur to those mired in the conspiracy swamp.

For the committed "truth seeker", even YouTube's conspiracy theories are too mainstream to be believed. Russian-backed websites and alt-right video sharing platforms are the preferred "news" sources. And while some articles and videos contain a grain a truth, they have been so misconstrued or extrapolated as to be beyond reason.

Working in the media I have been accused of being a handmaiden for the world government. I'm told that I write what "they" tell me to write. It's as if the person I have known and loved all my life has gone, fallen so far down a rabbit hole that there's little hope of ever finding their way out.

And the further they fall, the more lonely they become. All relationships are re-assessed on agreeing to a world view, no matter how warped. Family members are given veiled ultimatums to agree or be excommunicated. Friendships, some decades-long, are abandoned when people can't accept "the truth".

In my case, I am not blameless in the breakdown in our relationship. In the middle of a pandemic, conspiracy theories enrage me to the point where I struggle to be civil.

If she were happy and content in her fantasy land then maybe this would all be OK. But she's not. She feels oppressed when she clearly isn't. She's terrified of shadows. She's paranoid that she's being constantly monitored with malicious intent. And having cut herself off from almost all of her friends and family, she's surely lonely too.

In lockdown, fearful and faced with uncertainty, with too much time spent watching online videos, the only winners are the shonks counting clicks and monetising lies.